What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy sexuality? 17 Dec 2021 11:49 AM (3 years ago)
Many people aren’t even aware that they’re engaging in unhealthy sex. So, this is an important topic to talk about. The healthy and unhealthy sexuality differences are vast but sometimes difficult to notice. That’s why people don’t even know what they’re engaging in until someone points it out.
First, let’s talk about why healthy sexuality is essential. Having a lot of sex obviously benefits you in many ways. Those ways include being satisfied, having orgasms, and general mental and physical benefits. However, engaging in unhealthy sex can do more harm than good. We’re not just talking about potential sexual abuse as we usually know it, but the kind of sexual abuse that is manipulative and goes unnoticed at times.
Healthy sexuality requires trust, patience, love, and vulnerability. Opening up and being raw with somebody is easier said than done. But when you finally find the strength to do it, your overall quality of life can improve. Through healthy sexuality, we can explore ourselves (not just sexually), learn, and grow. Plus, you don’t have to be in an intimate relationship to practice healthy sex. The most important thing is being kind and engaging in healthy sexual acts with yourself first.
Healthy Sexuality Values Respect and Consent
Respect and consent are the basis of healthy sexuality. Many people mistakenly believe that they have the right to their partner’s body, no matter how long they’ve been dating. But just because your partner said yes to a relationship doesn’t mean they’re consenting to sex. Also, accepting sex once doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask the second time. Consent is given but can be revoked at any time, even during intercourse.
On the other hand, respect for your partner is just as important. In fact, people don’t ask for consent because they don’t respect, value, and see their partner as their equal. So, respecting your partner and always asking for consent are two key ideas of healthy sex. Not only will you be engaging in sex on a deeper and more meaningful level this way, but your partner will appreciate it too.
Unhealthy Sexuality Resorts to Violence and Abuse
Now, let’s be clear about one thing. It’s perfectly fine if you enjoy rough sex or you have specific kinks that revolve around any kind of roughness during sex. But keep in mind that when your partner is giving you that roughness, they’re still doing it with respect and your consent. So, you can have rough healthy sex, and that’s not what we’re talking about here. Toxic sexuality usually comes with some kind of violence or abuse. However, that abuse doesn’t need to be just physical. Disrespecting or abusing your trust is also a part of unhealthy sexuality.
People who resort to these actions are usually incredibly selfish and don’t care about anything other than their own pleasure. So, they may do something you didn’t consent to because they think you said yes to everything when you said yes to sex. These are the kind of people you want to stay as far away from because their actions can make you think these kinds of sexual relationships are normal.
Healthy Relationship Gives Importance to Fairness and Negotiation
Having good sex is all about the conversations you have with your partner. You can express your desires, dislikes, or fantasies, and your partner does the same. The most important thing is that you hear each other out and make a few compromises. For example, maybe your partner has certain kinks that they want to explore, so you help them out if you want to, and vice versa.
Additionally, these are the conversations where you set boundaries and rules. Maybe some areas of your body are off-limits, or you never want to try something. It all circles back to mutual respect, especially during negotiations. These are some of the essential healthy sexuality qualities, and it’s wise for you to always keep that in mind. It’s always possible for your partner to forget some rules or be out of line. But what matters is that they don’t snap at you when you remind them of those boundaries.
Unhealthy Relationship Always Objectifies People
When you’re engaging in unhealthy sex with a toxic partner, they won’t care about what you want. Most often than not, you’re just an object to them. So, they use you accordingly, only keeping their satisfaction in mind.
Unfortunately, the chances are that you won’t even get to have conversations about sex in the case of unhealthy sexuality. That’s because your partner will be unapproachable and make conversations seem awkward. That’s wrong because having conversations is healthy, but they don’t want to know about what you want.
So, if you were ever having sex and feeling like your partner is just using you for a quick orgasm, that’s exactly the kind of situation we’re talking about here. To them, you have no feelings, no likes or dislikes — you are just a body they’re attracted to.
Healthy Sexuality Knows Acceptance
Acceptance is an obvious part of healthy sexuality and goes hand-in-hand with respect, consent, and negotiations. First of all, your partner needs to accept you for who you are. If you’re planning to engage in healthy sexuality, it’s imperative to make sure you build a healthy character as an individual first. This is when and how they’ll start respecting you and seeing you as their equal. Accepting, respecting, and knowing consent is what follows.
Lastly, both you and your partner need to be accepting of each other’s boundaries. Setting the boundaries is easy, but your significant other needs not to disregard them. So, we can conclude that acceptance leads to better sex.
Unhealthy Sexuality Is Manipulative
Unfortunately, some people won’t accept you or take no for an answer either. You’ll recognize this part of unhealthy sexuality by the constant guilting, gaslighting, and manipulation. Whenever you decline to do or try something, a toxic partner might try to change your mind about it. They don’t respect or accept your answer, and that’s how you’ll know that you’re not in a good situation.
Not only will they try to manipulate you, but they can also get mad like you’ve done something wrong. Always remember that no matter the type of sexual relationship you’re in, you should always ensure it’s with someone who values you. Manipulation, disregard, and disrespect are bad and can have long-lasting effects on your overall well-being. On the other hand, engaging in healthy sexuality can help you blossom into a better version of yourself.
How anal hooks can spice up your anal experience 19 Sep 2021 10:23 PM (3 years ago)
By the time you are finished with this article, you’ll have a completely different look on the expression “Hook me up!” If you’re into anal play, you’ll probably enjoy the idea of toying with an anal hook. Let’s face it — butt plugs can only take us so far. They’re a great starting point, but nobody works out with 10lbs dumbbells their whole life. If you feel like it’s time to move on, we’ve got you covered.
In this article, we’ll cover what anal hooks are and how you can use them. We’ll also explain how you can maximize your pleasure, both as a Dom or as a sub. Let’s begin!
What is an anal hook?
Since you’re here reading an article about anal hooks, you’re probably familiar with how creative the BDSM community can be. Most sex toys out there are BDSM sex toys. They all have some relation to BDSM plays. Anal hooks are no different. They’re perfect for S&M couples who like butt sex but think anal toys such as beads and prostate massagers are no longer doing it for them.
Your knowledge about anal hooks shouldn’t be limited here in this article. That’s why we recommend you check this Lovegasm site for samples. You may also try to get one, so you don’t just see and read other people’s experiences.
Basically, anal hooks are made out of stainless steel, and, you’ll never guess, they look like a hook. On one side, there’s a ball (or balls, depending on the model), and on the other, there is a loop like an earring. The ball goes inside a sub’s butt, while the loop is there to give control to the Dom. You either hold it in your hand and walk your sub around, or you tie a rope through it.
Oftentimes, anal hooks and bondage role play go well together. A common way of incorporating them is to tie the rope through the loop and around their neck/hair. That way, you can hog-tie them R. Kelly style.
Trust is a must
With anal hooks, it’s really important to trust your partner, whatever your role is. But it’s especially true if you’re a sub. For you to completely enjoy it, you need to trust your dominant partner that they will never do something you’re not into.
Additionally, it would be ideal to have a partner who’s already experienced with it. Anal hooks are not a beginner’s toy. It’s relatively easy to get injured with it if you’re not in the right position or if you move it about too vigorously.
If your Dom tends to get overexcited and go over predetermined boundaries, don’t try out anal hooks with them. There’s nothing more humiliating than going to the E.R. with a hook up your bleeding ass.
Know your role
Just like with trust, it’s important to establish your role exactly and then act on it. If you’re into S&M, you have to communicate with your partner. If you’re a sub, define what kind of sub you are exactly. In other words, your partner should know what you like and how far they can go. So, when you define your role, behave accordingly.
As we’ve already said, these hooks are made out of steel. As such, they’re not flexible at all, and you can’t wriggle them around. Depending on the position you end up in, and the ball size of the hook, multiple parts of your body will be immovable. Your back will arch, and your chest will lift, and it will hurt too much to move. That’s predicament bondage. That is why it’s important to define whether you’re comfortable with that. You should always know your role.
Not your ordinary anal play
Some toys are more advanced than others. Basically, if you’ve never tried a dildo before, you’re not going to start with a 25-inch dragon dildo that will tickle your uvula. That’s that little dangly thing in the back of your mouth. The same goes for both anal or vaginal stimulation.
The first time you start playing with your anus, you want to start off easy. If you don’t use lube, and if you start with something too thick, it will be a nasty affair. Instead, you should start with butt plugs and anal beads and work your way up to bigger and greater things.
Anal hooks are not only more intrusive, but they’re also more impactful. As we’ve already said, the hook will put you in a predicament where you can’t move. As a Dom, you can tie up your sub and have them fully submit their body to your will.
That’s why these hooks go great with rope bondage play. You can tie them up with ropes and stop them from moving with the hook. Then, if you’re into impact play, you can punish them with whips and leftover ropes. There’s nothing more dominating than giving corporal punishment to someone who can’t do anything to avoid it. At the same time, your sub is getting aroused by your aggressiveness, all the while their anus is getting stimulated. Remember, S&M is for both of you.
Using a safe word
As with any other form of BDSM play, you must establish a safe word with your partner. We’ve already established that you need to have trust in your partner, and you must know your role. But, let’s face it, most BDSM plays sound more appealing than they actually are when you try them out. That’s especially true when you’re trying something new.
Think about the sub’s position in this fetish. They cannot move. They have a huge piece of steel up their ass that can tear them if they change position too suddenly. And if you’re whipping them, it’s highly likely they will move. They might be really submissive and think about how amazing this powerlessness feels great. But, once they’re actually in such a position, they might want to give up. Having a safe word allows them to do that and reevaluate their choices.
Pain and pleasure
Moving on from butt plugs to anal hooks is going for something more advanced. That’s like moving from G-league to the NBA. Butt plugs are there just to stimulate your anus and spread your sphincters. Hooks have a bondage element to them, and as always with bondage, pain is a part of it. If you like stimulating your ass, but you’re not into pain generally, then hooks may be a step too far for you.
Just remember, the pain mustn’t come from the hook itself. Anal should never be painful. Use a lot of lube and make sure you don’t get any internal damage. Otherwise, have fun, Captain Hook!
Four Curable Sexually Transmitted Infections 14 Nov 2020 3:18 PM (4 years ago)
Chlamydia, gonorrhoea, trichomoniasis, and syphilis are four potential outcomes of sex that we’d all like to avoid. However, according to new global estimates, each day there are more than one million new cases of these sexually transmitted infections.
The worrying thing is, even though we have never known more about how to prevent these infections, rates of infection remain very high worldwide.
The good news is, these 4 infections are curable.
Nothing to see here
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) as they are also referred to, often have no symptoms. However, if left untreated there can be serious consequences including blindness and other neurologic manifestations, infertility, mother-to-child transmission or birth defects.
Human papillomavirus (HPV) and hepatitis B virus can cause cancer but both of these viruses can be prevented through a vaccine.
The stigma associated with having a sexually transmitted infection can add to the trauma.
STIs are spread predominantly by sexual contact, including vaginal, anal and oral sex. Some STIs can also be spread through non-sexual means such as via blood or blood products. Many STIs—including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, primarily hepatitis B, HIV, and syphilis—can also be transmitted from mother to child during pregnancy and childbirth.
They cannot be spread through casual contact like sharing food, drinks, or hugging and sneezing.
WHO’s recent estimates focus only on 4 of the curable STIs, (chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis and trichomoniasis)
If symptoms of the 4 curable infections do occur they may include vaginal discharge, urethral discharge in men, genital ulcers, painful urination, and abdominal pain.
The only way to know if you have an STI is to be tested. Unfortunately, a majority of the global population does not have access to reliable diagnostic testing for STIs due to high costs and limited availability of laboratory or point of care test kits. Limited access to STI services together with the asymptomatic nature of these infections result in the ongoing spread of these infections within groups, communities and globally.
About the curable four
Combating chlamydia
Chlamydia is one of the most common STIs in women, particularly young women.
In 2016, among men and women aged 15–49 years old, there were 127 million cases of chlamydia.
Painful urination is a symptom of chlamydia, but most often there are no symptoms.
It can affect the genital tract, the urinary tract and the eyes. Without treatment, this can lead to blindness, infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease and ectopic pregnancy. Chlamydia can also put the health of infants born to infected mothers at high risk.
Chlamydia can be cured with antibiotics but beware, repeat infection is common.
Don’t be triched
Trichomoniasis (or “trich”) is the most common of the curable STIs. The organism Trichomonas vaginalis is a parasite which lives in the lower genital tract and is generally transmitted through sexual intercourse. The tricky thing about this parasite is that it can infect areas that are not covered by a condom – so condoms do not fully protect you from getting trichomoniasis.
Both men and women can get a trich infection. Symptoms vary but many who are infected do not know and can pass on the infection to others.
A healthcare provider must perform a laboratory test to diagnose trich.
It’s better to be safe than sorry as trichomoniasis can increase the risk of getting or spreading other sexually transmitted infections like HIV and pregnant women with the disease are likely to have premature babies with low birth weight.
Among men and women aged 15–49 years, there were 156 million new cases of trichomoniasis in 2016.
Syphilis, it’s serious
Spread through vaginal, anal and oral sex syphilis causes sores (called chancres) on your genitals. Left untreated, Syphilis can lead to serious and permanent problems like brain damage, blindness and paralysis. Many people with syphilis have no symptoms and do not know they are infected.
Syphilis has three stages – the first is the sores, in the second stage a rash and swollen lymph nodes develop and during the third stage the brain, heart and other organs can be affected.
6.3 million cases of syphilis were estimated to have occurred in 2016.
It’s spread through contact with the sores, predominately through vaginal, oral, and anal sex.
Mothers can pass syphilis to their baby in pregnancy and childbirth. In 2016, of 988,000 pregnant women infected with syphilis 200,000 were estimated to have experienced a stillbirth. Syphilis is the second leading cause of stillbirth globally and can result in other adverse birth outcomes such as neonatal death, congenital deformities, prematurity, and low birth weight infants. In
Take syphilis seriously and get tested and treated early if you are at risk or have symptoms. It can be cured through a simple treatment of penicillin.
The sex superbug: gonorrhoea
Gonorrhoea may be on the verge of becoming an untreatable disease. Gonorrhoea is caused by a bacteria, and it is treated with two drugs but resistance is already developing to one of the drugs. Soon we may have no treatment options remaining for multi-drug resistant gonorrhoea infections.
Those diagnosed with gonorrhoea are at risk of serious complications and untreated, the disease can cause inflammation of the womb and infertility. The infection can also be passed from a pregnant woman to her baby.
Infection in pregnant women can lead to early labour and delivery or permanent blindness in a newborn baby.
There were 87 million new cases gonorrhoea amount men and women aged 15-49 years in 2016.
How to stay safe
STIs are usually spread by having sex – digital, vaginal, oral, or anal sex. Some can be spread via blood or blood products and some (including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, HIV, herpes, HPV, and HBV) and can be passed from mother to child during pregnancy and childbirth.
So, what can you do to stay safe?
- Have safe sex,
- Use condoms and use them correctly,
- Access reliable sexual health education,
- Seek timely testing and treatment if you are at risk; Remember, most STIs have no symptoms. Limit casual sex and use condoms with a new partner.
- Get tested for STIs between partners and after unprotected sex If you feel you may be at risk of having been infected or reinfected.
- Talk about the potential risk of acquiring STIs with your partner
- Make informed choices about the level of risk you are comfortable taking with your sex life.
- If you are pregnant and are at risk for STIs, it is important to get tested and treated before your baby is born.
- Reinfection is common even after successful treatment. Make sure your partners get treated to prevent reinfection
When used correctly, condoms offer one of the most effective methods of protection against STIs, including HIV. Female condoms are also effective and safe.
We are often not aware that they may have an STI.
Any sexually active person can catch an STI, those who change partners frequently or do not use condoms are at higher risk. Previous successful treatment for an STI doesn’t make you immune to catching the infection again.
Knowledge is power
STIs can happen to anyone. We all need to know about them, how to prevent them and what to do when we have one.
Comprehensive sex education for young adolescents is imperative. Comprehensive sexuality education includes scientifically accurate information about human development, anatomy and reproductive health, as well as information about contraception, childbirth and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV.
It is important to reach children at a young age (before they start having sex) with appropriate information.
Access to STI and HIV counselling is also invaluable. Increasingly countries are delivering STI interventions targeted to sex workers, men who have sex with men and people who inject drugs however access to high-quality diagnostic tests in many low and middle-income countries remains limited.
21 Foreplay Tips to Please Her in Bed 12 Nov 2020 11:12 AM (4 years ago)
Foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not something that you can half-ass for two minutes before rushing into P-in-V or P-in-B sex. Foreplay is something you should take your time with to get both your partner and you in the mood. After all, you shouldn’t be feigning excitement or mindlessly going through the motions just for your partner’s sake. Foreplay is something that should turn you on as well.
Honestly, the term foreplay is somewhat of a misnomer because it implies that what comes next—the actual “play”—is somehow better. But that’s not always the case. Most people with vulvas can’t orgasm through penetration alone. They require clitoral stimulation in order to climax, which can happen with manual stimulation, oral sex, or sex toy action.
That said, sex isn’t all about orgasming. The rubbing, touching, kissing, and talking you have before penetrative sex should be enjoyable in and of itself.
Now to get the best foreplay tips, we spoke to various sex experts, therapists, and psychiatrists. Try one, two, or all of the foreplay tips below the next time you start fooling around and just see what happens.
1) Sext throughout the day
Foreplay doesn’t simply start in the bedroom. It can start from the moment you wake up. Little texts like “Can’t wait to get naked with you tonight” can get your partner excited before you even set foot in the same room. If sending nudes is something that turns your partner on, go ahead and swap some sexy photos with one another. Then you can text what you want and plan to do to her naked body.
2) Add some temperature play
Ice cubes and candles that double as massage oil are a fun and easy way to turn up the heat on your foreplay, explains Sofiya Alexandra, co-host of the podcast Private Parts Unknown.
“Hold an ice cube between your teeth and draw it down your partner’s body,” Alexandra says. “Or, if you’re more into heat, like me, you can get candles involved—one of my college boyfriends and I used to use just regular soy candles to drip wax on each other for a little BDSM fun,” Alexandra says.
That said, a massage candle is a safer way to dip your toe into wax play if it’s new to you. “Drip high at first to cool the oil down before initial contact with skin, and take your time slowly massaging it in for maximum pleasure,” Alexandra says. “You want your partner’s body to buzz like a hive of murder hornets.”
3) Take your time removing articles of clothing
Foreplay is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re in no rush to finish it. (Though if you are pressed for time, here are the best sex position for quickies.) Instead of quickly stripping down, start by taking off her shirt. Wait a few minutes before you take off her pants, then her bra, and so on. You can then focus on that newly revealed body part. So after taking off her pants, massage her legs. Once the bra is gone, you can lick and gently suck on her nipples.
4) Get wet together
If you’ve ever attempted to have sex in the shower or in a body of water, you’ll know that it’s nearly impossible to thrust when your body is submerged in liquid. That’s why Courtney Kocak, co-host of Private Parts Unknown, suggests using the tub as a means of foreplay. “I feel like sexy fantasies that involve candlelit bubble baths or steamy showers are ingrained in us,” Kocak says. “Enjoy stripping down with your partner before you get in—maybe set a playful tone by taking turns underdressing each other.” Just make sure to keep the water hot so you can stay in for a while and really explore the intimacy of touch.
5) Give her a strip tease
In a similar vein, go ahead and give her a little strip tease. (If you need inspiration, you can always check out the SNL skit with Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze auditioning to be Chip ‘n’ Dale dancers.) If you dance poorly, at least you come off as endearing and funny, but if you do in fact strip well, she will want to pounce on you.
6) Wear sexy underwear
Sexy undergarments aren’t just for women. If you find the right fit, you can really turn her on. (If you’ve never tried low-rise briefs, we highly recommend them!)
7) The precoital erotic massage
Before having penetrative sex, give your partner an erotic massage that both relaxes and teases them. Prior to even touching them, you’ll want to set the mood with lighting and music, and then go ahead and whip out the massage oil. From there you want to start massaging them, and at first, it shouldn’t even seem like an erotic massage. But once they’re really relaxed, that’s when you start massaging those naughty bits.
8) Ask what turns her on
When in doubt, just come right out and ask what she likes during sex. “Most women appreciate men who want to make sure they’re satisfied,” says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Cornell University. “If she notices you’re working hard to please her, she’ll be more likely to return the favor.”
9) Focus on quality, not quantity
Improve the quality of foreplay and she’ll never again bug you about the quantity. “If you act as if you’re just going through the motions to get to the sex, she’s going to notice, and it will take longer for her to get excited,” says Michael Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Encino, California.
In other words, do what you want to do, and enjoy it while you’re doing it. If you like how her calves feel, stroke them in appreciation. If you like her butt, kiss it. “When a man is loving what he’s doing, it’s going to show through and turn her on, too,” says Perry.
10) Take it easy at first
Yes, the clitoris is the obvious place to focus your attention. Still, many men do wrong by it. “Direct stimulation of the clitoris can actually be painful,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. “It’s much better to rub the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia meet] or to rub along the side of the clitoris than it is to go straight for the head of it.”
When playing with the clitoris during oral sex, Birch’s advice is to “focus on the clitoris, then don’t focus on the clitoris.”
“The clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again,” she adds.
11) Expand your repertoire
There are plenty of ways to expand your oral sex repertoire, and you should always be looking to add new moves and mix things up. For starters, trying lying perpendicular to her body and stroking her clitoris with your tongue in a horizontal motion, rather than up and down. She’ll appreciate the change in stimulation, hopefully enough to return the favor.
12) Drive her wild with the figure-8 technique
The figure-8 tongue technique is one of the most tried and true ways to get things going below the belt. When you’re at her service down below, work the supersensitive area around her clitoris in a figure-8 pattern. Arouse her with gentle sucking until the little button swells, then carefully expose the area with your fingers.
Use the slippery underside of your tongue to circle it to the left and then to the right. With the rougher top side of the tongue, flick from right to left and then up and down. Finally, work up to figure 8s, alternating between your tongue’s smooth underside and firmer tip. Constantly vary the degrees of pressure you use.
13) Don’t overlook the labia
Oft overlooked as mere barriers to the vagina, the labia are packed with nerve endings and shouldn’t be ignored. Hold each one between your thumb and forefinger and massage it, working your way up and down.
Or, using all of your fingers and your palm, “smoosh” the labia together, almost like you’re (gently!) kneading dough.
14) Explore her entire body
Don’t just zero in on her genitals. The body is filled with erogenous zones like her neck, thighs, and breasts.
“Genitals are fascinating and fun, but try to spend some time focusing on your partner’s entire body instead of going straight for her crotch,” says Cassie Fuller, cofounder of Baltimore sex-ed company Touch Of Flavor. “Try caressing, licking, or nibbling other erogenous zones, such as her neck, back, ears, belly, or wrists.”
15) Try a toy
A vibrator buzzing around her erogenous zones can be just as stimulating, if not more, than your hands alone. Bring one in for the assist during foreplay, touching her everywhere but her vagina with it.
16) Don’t talk too much
Be careful what you say when you’re trying to set the mood and build arousal.
“Weird, clichéd phrases can cause the mood to die quickly,” she April Masini of AskApril.com. As a general rule, keep dirty talk simple and personal: Pick a body part and tell her how sexy you think it is, or describe a fantasy you have involving her.”
Then again, don’t zip your lips altogether. “Women want mental stimulation,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First.
17) Pay attention to how she feels
Everybody is different, so make sure you’re able to read how she responds to what you’re doing. It shouldn’t be hard to tell what’s working, and to then use this information to keep a good thing going.
“If she winces when you talk dirty, move onto your next play,” says Masini. “Or if she’s really into making out on the sofa, don’t try to move it to the bedroom.”
18) Pay attention to how you feel
If you’re worried about getting off too early during intercourse, try becoming more aware of your pre-orgasmic sensations.
Most men only recognize that last, no-turning-back feeling, that occurs just before ejaculation, says David Copeland, author of How to Succeed with Women. By then it’s too late to do anything about it.
Try to become familiar with the two or three more subtle sensations that precede that one, so that you can slow down at the right time.
19) Don’t forget about kissing
Don’t forget what got you here in the first place.
“Women get their greatest erotic pleasure from frequent, passionate kissing,” says Patti Britton, Ph.D., clinical sexologist, and author of The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice. “If you get the sense that she’s starting to lose interest, kissing is always the best way to bring her back into it.”
Just remember that passionate kissing doesn’t always mean frantically swabbing out her tonsils. Try to mix up your tongue play with the occasional closed-mouth kiss on her nose, eyes, and forehead.
20) Reward her bravery
When she initiates the action, make an extra effort to please her sexually and to let her know how much you approve. Tell her you loved how she got things going. Sometimes women wonder if you’re going to perceive initiation as negative or if it might make you uncomfortable.
21) Know when to skip it
If you already have good sexual chemistry, it’s perfectly all right to occasionally skip foreplay.
“When you’ve been creating a larger sexual context in your relationship, you’re basically operating in that [state of foreplay] all the time,” says psychologist and relationship therapist Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. “If you’ve been together for a while, you should know her well enough to know when it’s okay to jump straight to the main event.
6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic 5 Oct 2020 11:54 AM (4 years ago)
That article explained that many of our culture’s tacitly accepted relationship habits secretly erode intimacy, trust and happiness. This article explains how traits that don’t fit our traditional narrative for what love is and what love should be are actually necessary ingredients for lasting relationship success.
Enjoy.
1. Letting Some Conflicts Go Unresolved
There’s this guy by the name of John Gottman–he’s like the Michael Jordan of relationship research. Not only has he been studying intimate relationships for more than forty years, but he practically invented the field.
Gottman devised the process of “thin-slicing” relationships, a technique where he hooks couples up to a series of biometric devices and then records them having short conversations. Gottman then goes back and analyzes the conversation frame by frame, looking at biometric data, body language, tonality, and specific words chosen. He then combines all of this data together to predict whether your marriage sucks or not.
His “thin-slicing” process boasts a staggering 91% success rate in predicting whether newly- wed couples will divorce within 10 years — a staggeringly high result for any psychological research (Malcolm Gladwell discusses Gottman’s findings in his bestselling book, Blink.) Gottman’s seminars also report a 50% higher success rate of saving troubled marriages than traditional marriage counseling. His research papers have won enough academic awards to fill the state of Delaware. And he’s written nine books on the subjects of intimate relationships, marital therapy, and the science of trust.
The point is, when it comes to understanding what makes long-term relationships succeed, John Gottman will slam-dunk in your face and then sneer at you afterwards.
And the first thing Gottman says in almost all of his books is: The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth.
In his research of thousands of happily married couples, some of whom have been married for forty plus years, he repeatedly found that most successful couples have persistent unresolved issues, issues that they’ve sometimes been fighting about for decades. Meanwhile, many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving fucking everything because they believed that there should never be a disagreement between them. Pretty soon there was a void of a relationship, too.
Successful couples accept and understand that some conflict is inevitable, that there will always be certain things they don’t like about their partner, or things they don’t agree with–all that’s fine. You shouldn’t need to feel the need to change somebody in order to love them. And you shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.
Sometimes, trying to resolve a conflict can create more problems than it fixes. Some battles are simply not worth fighting. And sometimes, the most optimal relationship strategy is one of live and let live.
2. Being Willing to Hurt Each Other’s Feelings
My wife spends a lot of time in front of the mirror because she cares about how she looks. Nights before we go out, she often comes out of the bathroom after an hour-long makeup/hair/clothes/whatever-women-do-in-there session and asks me how she looks. She’s usually gorgeous, but every once in a while she tries to do something new with her hair or is wearing a pair of boots that some flamboyant fashion designer from Milan thought were avant-garde. And it just doesn’t work.
When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off. And as she marches back into the closet to redo everything and make us 30 minutes late, she spouts a bunch of four-letter words (fortunately, they’re in Portuguese) and sometimes even slings a few of them at me.
Men often lie in this situation to make their girlfriends/wives happy. But I don’t. Why? Because honesty in my relationship is more important to me than feeling good all of the time. The last person I should ever have to censor myself with is the woman I love.
Fortunately, I am married to a woman who agrees that we should always be honest. She calls me out on my bullshit sometimes, and it’s one of the most important traits she offers me as a partner. Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours later I usually come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better person even though I hated hearing her truth-telling at the time.
When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then more often than not nobody ends up feeling good. And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it.
It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feeling-good–the sunsets and puppies–they happen when you get the important stuff figured out: values, needs and trust.
If I feel smothered and want more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the unpleasant feelings it may cause. If she feels that I’m cold and unresponsive to her, she needs to be capable of saying it without blaming me and I need to be capable of hearing it without blaming her, despite the unpleasant feelings it may generate.
These conversations are crucial if we want we maintain a healthy relationship, one that meets both people’s needs. Without them, we lose track of one another.
3. Being Willing to End It
Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. Show me almost any movie with romance at its center and it’s bound to feature a desperate and needy character who treats themselves like dog shit for the sake of being in love with someone.
The truth is our standards for what a “successful relationship” should be are pretty screwed up. If a relationship ends and someone’s not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person’s lives. And that’s kind of insane.
Romeo and Juliet was originally written as satire to represent everything that’s wrong with young, romantic love and how irrational beliefs about relationships can make you do stupid shit like drink poison because your parents don’t like some girl’s parents.
But somehow, we’ve come to think of the play as a romance. It’s this kind of irrational idealization that leads people to stay with partners who treat them like shit, to give up on their own needs and identities, to make themselves into martyrs who are perpetually miserable, to suppress their own pain and suffering in the name of maintaining a relationship “until death do us part.”
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the necessary time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
“Until death do us part” is romantic and everything, but when we worship our relationship as something more important than ourselves—more important than our values, than our needs and everything else in our lives—we create a sick dynamic where there’s no accountability.
We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no matter what. And our partner has no reason to work on themselves and grow because we’re going to be there no matter what. This all invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery.
4. Feeling Attraction for People Outside the Relationship
One of the mental tyrannies we face in a non-honest relationship is the situation where any mildly emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason.
As much as we’d like to believe that we only have eyes for our partner, biology says otherwise. Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner can wear off a bit. And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty. I get emails all the time from people in happy marriages/relationships who get blindsided by finding someone else attractive and they feel like horrible people because of it. But the truth is, not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same time, it’s a biological inevitability.
What isn’t an inevitability is our decision to act on the attraction or not. Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those feelings. And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way they found us.
This triggers a lot of guilt in some people and a lot of irrational jealousy in others. Our cultural scripts tell us that once we’re in love, that’s supposed to be the end of the story. And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship.
But that’s simply not the case. In fact, it’s healthier to allow oneself to experience these feelings and then let them go.
When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate your behavior for you (suppression) rather than dictating your behavior for yourself (via feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything).
People who suppress these urges are often the ones who eventually succumb to them and suddenly find themselves screwing the secretary in the broom closet and having no idea how they got there and come to deeply regret it about twenty-two seconds later.
People who suppress these urges are often the ones who project them onto their partner and become blindingly jealous, attempting to control their partner’s every thought, corralling all of their partner’s attention and affection onto themselves.
People who suppress these urges are often the ones who wake up one day disgruntled and frustrated with no conscious understanding of why, wondering where all of the days went and saying things like, “remember how in love we used to be??
Looking at attractive people is pleasurable. Speaking to attractive people is pleasurable. Thinking about attractive people is pleasurable. That’s not going to change because of our Facebook relationship status. And when you dampen these impulses towards other people, you dampen them towards your partner as well. You’re killing a part of yourself, and it ultimately only comes back to harm your relationship.
When I meet a beautiful woman now, I enjoy it, as any man would. But it also reminds me why, out of all of the beautiful women I’ve ever met and dated, I chose to be with my wife. I see in the attractive women everything my wife has and most women lack.
And while I appreciate the attention or even flirtation, the experience only strengthens my commitment. Attractiveness is everywhere; real intimacy is not.
When we commit to a person, we are not committing our thoughts, feelings or perceptions to them. We can’t control our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions most of the time, so how could we ever make that commitment?
What we can control are our actions. And what we commit to that special person are those actions. Let everything else come and go, as it inevitably will.
5. Spending Time Apart
We all have that friend who mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship. You see it all the time: the man who meets someone and stops playing basketball and hanging out with his friends, or the woman who suddenly decides she loves every comic book and video game her partner likes even though she doesn’t know how to correctly hold the XBox controller. And it’s troubling, not just for us but for them.
(Side note: if either of those sounds like you or someone you know, it might be a good idea to get a handle on your attachment style.)
When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person with whom we’re infatuated. This feels great–it’s intoxicating in much of the same way cocaine is intoxicating (no, really). The problem only arises when this actually happens.
The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.
It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are yours alone. Have some separate friends; take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself; remember what made you you and what drew you to your partner in the first place.
Without this oxygen to breathe, the fire between the two of you will die out and what were once sparks will become only friction.
6. Accepting Your Partner’s Flaws
In his novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera says there are two types of womanizers: 1) men who are looking for the perfect woman and can never find her, and 2) men who convince themselves that every woman they meet is already perfect.
I love this observation and believe it applies to not just womanizers, but just about anyone who consistently finds themselves in dysfunctional relationships. They either try to make their partner be perfect by “fixing” them or changing them, or they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is already perfect.
This is one of those things that is not nearly as complicated as it appears. Let’s break it down:
- Every person has flaws and imperfections.
- You can’t ever force a person to change.
- Therefore: You must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.
The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws. If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsessive cleanliness, his awkward social ticks — and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings, well, that’s a sign of true intimacy.
One of the best (and earliest!) expressions of this idea came from Plato in the form of a myth. In his Symposium, Plato wrote that humans were originally androgynous and whole. They felt no lack, no uncertainty, and they were powerful, so powerful that they rose up and challenged the gods themselves.
This posed a problem for the gods. They didn’t want to completely wipe out the human race as they’d have no one to rule over, but they also had to do something to humble and distract humanity.
So, Zeus split each human into two, a man and a woman (or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman) and doomed them to spend their brief mortal existence wandering the world looking for their other half, the half that would make them feel whole and powerful again. And this wholeness would come not from two perfections meeting, but two imperfections meeting, two imperfections that both complemented and compensated for one another’s shortcomings.
The artist Alex Grey once said that, “True love is when two people’s pathologies complement one another’s.” Love is, by definition, crazy and irrational. And the best love works when our irrationalities complement one another, and our flaws enamor one another.
It may be our perfections that attract one another in the first place. But it’s our imperfections that decide whether or not we stay together.
Four Rules for a Productive Sex Talk with your Partner 27 Sep 2020 4:04 PM (4 years ago)
When we fall in love, sex seems so natural and easy—we can’t imagine that one day, like any other part of a relationship, we will need to talk about it. But it’s entirely normal to have to discuss and negotiate many aspects of sex, from frequency to quality. After all, two people bringing two separate histories, expectations, and blueprints for physical intimacy are going to have differences.
Here are a few tips for a productive conversation:
1. Don’t surprise your partner with a sex talk.
Pick a neutral spot (not the bed!) to discuss this sensitive topic. Invite your partner out for coffee or drinks, and let them know ahead of time about your agenda. You might say, “I would love to talk about how we might increase our sexual frequency comfortably for both of us. Could we go out for coffee next Saturday morning and talk about it?”
2. Pick only one topic per conversation.
While it may seem efficient to try to get all of the bedroom talk out onto the table at once, sex discussions should be short, targeted, and limited. It’s best to sort out complex feelings about relational issues a little at a time.
For instance, Joan wishes Paul would be the partner to initiate rather than herself. She worries that he doesn’t find her attractive or feel much lust for her. Recently, his erectile dysfunction seems to inhibit him further. Here are the three separate conversations:
- (Subject: Initiation) Tell him how loved she feels when he initiates, and ask him if he’d be willing to do that on a weekly basis.
- (Subject: Attraction) Discuss his attraction to her. Maybe share how reassuring she finds it when he initiates sex and then ask if there is a way she could be more approachable.
- (Subject: ED) Talk about his erectile dysfunction and create a list of ideas to address it, like visiting a urologist, taking medication, building high-arousal scenarios, etc.
But she shouldn’t talk about all three of these things in one sitting!
3. Make suggestions rather than complaints—and use the utmost tact.
First, give your partner some reassurance by commenting on positive aspects of your sex life: “I really love it when we laugh in bed together.” Then, suggest what you want: “Other times, I long for more intensity.” Follow the suggestion with a specific example, “I think it’d be hot if you’d try a really sexy come-on.” Then, open the discussion for their viewpoint: “What do you love, and what do you wish were different?” Don’t say: “You are so goofy, I just can’t get turned on.”
4. Don’t forget the basics.
There are some basic questions you can ask to get a better understanding of each other’s expectations:
- What is the time of day when you feel most sexual?
- In your mind, does seduction belong to one gender?
- Do you like sexual initiation to begin with touch or with words?
- How often do you like sexual contact in one week?
- What moods, rhythms, and acts during sex turn you on?
Want a Healthy Sex Life? 5 Conversations You Need to Have 25 Sep 2020 4:12 PM (4 years ago)
While it should be a top priority, sexual health sometimes falls by the wayside when considering your overall health. Too often do people dismiss it and focus solely on physical and mental health alone. Sexual health, however, should also be of the utmost importance.
Whether you’re in a committed, long-term relationship or you’re playing the field and enjoying the single life, having a healthy sex life is up to you. How careful, safe, or emotionally secure you feel when you’re with your partner is in your hands, so make sure you devote enough time and attention to everything involved in the act. If you want a healthy sex life, here are five conversations you need to have.
1. Sexual history, STDs, and contraception
Although it should go without saying, discussing your STD status with your partner is always crucial. And the truth is, STDs are more prevalent now than ever before. According to information published in a press release by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the total number of combined cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis reached an all-time high in 2015. It might not be the most fun conversation, but it’s important.
Of course, there is no absolute foolproof method when it comes to your chances of contracting an STD. This is why using a condom when engaging with a partner is of the utmost importance. And using another method of birth control is even better if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy. The CDC says, between 2006 and 2010, more than 50% of women using contraception chose the pill or an IUD as their primary method, so this advice is definitely catching.
2. Establish boundaries
Sexual fantasy plays a big role in the bedroom, which is why it’s important to have the discussion with your partner (preferably before you’re actually in the bedroom). If you’ve ever read the book (or seen the movie) 50 Shades of Grey, you know what we’re talking about here.
Short of signing an actual contract before engaging in the act, it’s important that any couple toying with the idea of bringing a bit more friskiness into the bedroom establishes just what kind of boundaries actually need to be put in place. If you’re uncomfortable bringing up the subject of fantasies, Laura Berman, Ph.D., a New York Times best-selling sex and relationships expert, tells Men’s Fitness to be sure to make an agreement beforehand that neither of you will pass judgment.
3. Discuss your turn-ons and turn-offs
It can be easy for your partner to be unaware of your exact turn-ons and turn-offs, especially in the early stages of your relationship. Or, it’s not uncommon for him or her to forget about them or be out of the loop as your sexual preferences change from time to time. “Couples all too often bottle up what’s bothering them in bed, and expect that their partner knows what’s on their mind and what they like or don’t like,” Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a Healthy Relationship, told Everyday Health. If you’re leaving your partner in the dark, there’s no way he or she will suddenly become a mind reader and instantly know your every thought, wish, and emotion. So make your likes and dislikes known.
4. Discuss what constitutes cheating
The first thing that comes to mind when most people think of cheating is when one person in a committed relationship has a sexual affair with another person. But what about emotional cheating? For every couple, the very definition of what they may consider cheating varies, so having the conversation and ensuring you’re both on the same page is key.
In a survey of 1,000 U.S. adults published on The Huffington Post, researchers found some important differences in the question of what exactly constitutes cheating in a relationship. Sixty percent said they’d consider it cheating if their partner developed a deep emotional connection with someone else. However, answers varied when a separate group of respondents was asked the same question, but in reverse — “Say that you were in a committed relationship and you developed a deep emotional connection with someone other than your partner. Would you consider that to be cheating?” Interestingly enough, only 50% said yes, whereas 29% of respondents answered no.
Regardless of your relationship status, being on the same page in terms of your wants, needs, and preferences is essential, so don’t let the intimidation factor rule your relationship conversations.
5. Discuss your sexual drive
This point goes for singles and those in committed relationships. So, we’re having sex, but how often will this take place? Are we just going with the flow every time the mood strikes? These questions may not cross your mind initially — but they will eventually become important. And Men’s Fitness says planning makes a difference. “As unsexy as it sounds, try maintaining a sex schedule. It can give you the chance to grab props, get the shower steamy, or avoid unwanted interruptions,” the story says. Once the frequency is found, it’s all a matter of sticking to what is right for you and your relationship.
How Do Clitoris Pumps Work? 12 Feb 2020 1:25 PM (5 years ago)
Do you want to pump your clitoris? This small organ is the focal point of pleasure for all women and who could resist.
Pump your clitoris and see what you get during sex for you and your partner. The clitoris is an erectile organ, just like the penis, and when a woman gets excited, she gets an erection in her clitoris, only because of its size because it may not be so noticeable. This organ is small but has so much power that it is the key to orgasms in women.
So experience stronger orgasms by pumping your clitoris. This is attributed to the fact that you are saturating the clitoris with blood causing it to be erected and nourished. Or it may also be the fact that the idea of having your swollen and large clitoris that helps you to reach orgasm better excites you.
Instructions
Give yourself a little sexual help by pumping your clitoris and see how it grows in size inside the cylinder, swelling and becoming more sensitive!
To practice clitoral pumping, it would be good to remove pubic hair even if this organ is between the lips, it would be better not to get in the way during the pumping process. Sometimes some hairs can get into the cylinder and this does not allow it to seal well with the skin, so there is loss of suction during the pumping process.
Once the pubic hair has been removed or at least trimmed, you will need to apply a little oil or cream on the edge of the cylinder. Apply a generous amount, this will help create a good seal between the skin and the cylinder.
Use a cylinder of the appropriate size for your clitoris, most women will occupy a small cylinder to start. Women with large or more experienced clitoris and are trying to develop their clitoris may use larger cylinders depending on the use they are giving.
To pump the clitoris, separate your legs exposing your vagina and separate the vaginal lips to discover the clitoris. When you have your clitoris exposed, place the cylinder on your clitoris making sure it is centered right in the middle of the cylinder. Press the cylinder against your body and hold it like this, with the other hand, actuate the suction bulb to remove the air from the cylinder. Watch as the clitoris begins to expand inside the cylinder and the sensation it gives you.
Once the clitoris is sucked into the cylinder to the point that you can tolerate. You can leave it in place for some time, if you feel you are losing pressure, activate the vacuum pump once more to suck the clitoris and maintain pressure. Usually with the clitoral pumping the pressure is not lost as much as in other parts of the body that are desired to be pumped due to the smaller area and the size of the cylinder.
Pumping your clitoris according to the manufacturer’s instructions. After a while you can remove the cylinder from your clitoris, you will notice that the clitoris swelled and increased in size caused by the vacuum that was generated. The temporary increase and / or swelling varies depending on how much pressure you used and how long you pumped.
Once you have accomplished the desired swelling or size, you can start having a little fun with your biggest clitoris. You may even give your partner some competition with an enlarged clitoris. You will notice that the clitoris feels more sensitive to touch after your pumping session. Some women find it easier to reach an orgasm after their clitoris has been pumped.
How to use the vaginal pump and enjoy it to the fullest
Steps to follow:
- In the stores of erotic products you can find different varieties of vaginal pumps, its function is to increase the pleasure during masturbation generating a sensation similar to that of oral sex but much more pleasant, because the suction is greater, which leads to orgasms quite intense It also increases the size of the area and gives greater sensitivity so that sex becomes much more incredible and delicious
- There are suckers for the entire vagina and others only for the clitoris, one of the areas in which a girl can receive more pleasure. Ideally, you should have at home a penis-shaped dildo for when you feel like penetration and a vaginal pump for when you want to experience powerful sensations similar to oral stimulation
- This erotic toy is not necessarily for use when you are alone, you can also share it with your partner masturbating in front of him. But also the effect it causes on the appearance of the vagina is curious because due to suction the lips and clitoris look swollen and larger, something that is very exciting for many men, so he can also have fun
- But this sex toy also helps to stimulate blood circulation in the vaginal area which translates into greater sensitivity and much more intense and pleasant orgasms, so satisfaction is guaranteed for both her and him.
- Before using the vaginal pump you should read the product instructions very well, however there are general recommendations that can help you. To enjoy it much more, a complete depilation of the vaginal area is advised, in this way the sucker will grip much better and will fulfill its desired effects
- Place the vaginal pump in the correct position to cover your entire vulva, or in the case of clitoral use, the clitoris. This sex toy comes with the ideal way to get it, so you will not have major problems
- Start pumping at a regular rate, don’t do it too fast. You will notice how it begins to generate a feeling of emptiness that will stimulate the entire area by making it and making it very very sensitive to any stimulus. It is advisable not to use the vaginal pump for more than half an hour.
- Dare to try this accommodating sex toy and use it alone or with your partner. Give your life a little spicy and enjoy without fear of your sexuality
Warnings
Never apply too much pressure or suction when you are starting to pump your clitoris. This can cause rupture of capillary vessels and other complications that would be best avoided by starting with low pressure.
Always wash your clitoris pump with soap and water or an adult toy cleaner. It is important to prevent the growth of bacteria in the artifact.
Do it at your own risk and use common sense to prevent and avoid injuries.
To help you choose for your next clitoris pump, here is a complete lineup of lovegasm products.
9 Strategies To Keep In Mind When Practicing The Science Of Seduction 29 Mar 2019 9:39 PM (6 years ago)
As with any science, it’s vital to have a keen understanding of the basic principles of seduction before you experiment.
While it may involve some smoke and mirrors, seduction isn’t about lying, manipulation or depreciating value.
It has been said before, and it will be said again: Seduction is an art.
And, while practice makes perfect, honing your skills is actually much simpler than you might think:
TAKE YOUR TIME.
First and foremost, relax. Speak and think slowly. Articulate and accentuate your words; chose them wisely.
Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Allude with your eyes, and don’t say anything you don’t believe with steady conviction. Conviction is stimulating.
WALK THE LINE BETWEEN CONFIDENCE AND ARROGANCE WITH PRECISION.
We all know the people who aren’t cocky, but “confident.” The misguided gems who, in reality, do nothing but initiate a gag reflex.
There is a difference between appearing suave and acting callous, exuding wit and acting bitchy, being assertive and being an assh*le.
Learn to recognize this distinction and consciously don’t overstep your boundaries when it comes to alluring those around you.
ADD YOUR OWN PERSONAL FLAIR.
If you don’t know who you are, you definitely don’t know who you’re seducing.
A sensual sense of ease and a calm air about you conveys a strong message about the type of person who lies just beneath the surface. Tailor your style to an approach that feels authentic.
PLEASE, DON’T RESORT TO PORN FOR POINTERS.
The art of seduction begins long before you enter the bedroom, so do yourself a favor and leave the cheesy slew of tainted fantasies for the pros of the porn world.
It’s unrealistic, cheap and phony. Trust me: An intellectually inventive play on words is far superior to the go-to moves from even the sauciest XXX files.
That being said, use it as an opportunity get a little creative. What better way to occupy your monotonous commute?
REMAIN SOMEWHAT ELUSIVE.
Few would care to watch a show that had a predictable ending. Presenting yourself as slightly enigmatic will not only preserve, but intensify someone’s interest in you.
Keep in mind that your life is a story, and an important one to be told at that. You possess the authority to write it in any way you please.
Do so with a steady hand, and smile on your face.
TRY NOT TO FAKE IT; IF IT DOESN’T FEEL GENUINE TO YOU, IT WON’T TO ANYONE ELSE.
The majority of people tend to miscalculate others’ ability to see straight through them.
If being outgoing or forthcoming doesn’t come organically, the worst thing you can do is try to imitate someone else’s behavior.
Charm and extroversion don’t need to be mutually exclusive. A quiet confidence along with a little mystery (even if it’s cleverly-concealed anxiety) can go a long way.
Be true to yourself, and positive reinforcement will surely follow.
ACCEPT WE SIMPLY AREN’T RIGHT FOR EVERYONE.
One of my all-time favorite quotes from a modern celebrity is from Dita Von Teese, who so wisely reasoned,
“You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
Dismiss those who lack appreciation. Use this certainty as a catalyst for acuity, not a debilitating blow to your ego. Own who you are, and refuse to amend, apologize or falter.
MAKE ‘EM LAUGH.
There is nothing sexier than someone who has the natural ability to make us show our teeth.
Sadly, the persuasive power of a good laugh is not only overlooked, but often underestimated.
It effortlessly promotes rapport, trust and a rush of blood to all the right places.
REALIZE THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN IS YOU LEARN SOMETHING.
Those who’ve mastered the art of seduction aren’t immune to rejection; they simply opt to make the wise decision not to internalize the negative.
When it comes to seduction, the glass is always half full. Every undesirable response or failure to launch is bringing you one step closer to a satiating comfort within your own capabilities.
Don’t waste your time on someone who’s interest is dwindling. There’s no bigger boner-killer than full-scale desperation.
That being said, don’t be afraid to take a risk.
Slip the bartender your number and playfully tease your intention to log a complaint about the truly terrible service; initiate conversation with someone you’ve been making eyes with from across the room by asking who he or she thinks is winning this staring contest.
The possibilities are endless, and they start with you.
15 Seduction Techniques to Deeply Woo Anyone & Make Them Yours 17 Mar 2019 9:23 PM (6 years ago)
When it comes to making someone yours, you’ll have to figure out some seduction techniques that’ll get the job done. We have some of the best.
Everyone has their own unique way of turning people on. It’s like having signature seduction techniques that reel people in and makes them fall for you. The difficult part of this process is figuring out what yours is. How do you seduce someone in your own, unique way?
We all have our go-tos when it comes to picking someone up. Even if we don’t realize what we’re doing, we still do it. But if you really aren’t sure what yours is or you’re looking for seduction techniques that actually work, we can help.
Not everyone can be seduced in the same way
Something that’s really sexy to one person won’t be attractive at all to the next. It really depends on who you’re trying to woo and what you know about them. Your standard method of making them yours might not work.
That’s why it’s important to have some backup techniques to try. Yes, you want someone to like you for who you are but you could be great for them if they give you the time of day. In order to get that time, you’ll want to try different things to turn them on and make them yours.
Seduction techniques that’ll help you win over anyone
If the person you’re pursuing isn’t picking up on the hints you’re laying down, it might be time to change tactics. These are our best methods for seducing someone and making them want to get to know you more.
1 Ask questions. This might not seem like it’s all that seductive but when you ask the right questions, it works. Not only that, but wanting to get to know someone better is just sexy as is. If you’re making an effort, the other person will notice and like it.
2 Smile often. There’s something really sexy about someone who smiles a lot. Your knowing grin can be enough to seduce someone by itself. Make sure to keep the mood light and smile as much as you can – so long as it’s warranted. Make them want to know why you’re smiling so much.
3 Laugh at their jokes. People always find those who think they’re funny to be more attractive. Even if the joke isn’t super funny, laugh anyway. You may just find that the more you laugh, the closer they get. Just don’t make it obnoxious or fake because that’s not seductive at all.
4 Engage in some innocent touches. And by “innocent,” I mean light, non-suggestive touches. You can just graze their shoulder as you laugh at their joke or barely touch the small of her back as you guide her through the bar. The point is, you can’t just slap their butt or do any groping.
The small touches work to increase the intimacy and the more you touch them, the more comfortable they’ll feel around you. That combination is dangerously seductive.
5 Move in closer. But do this in a very subtle way. You don’t want them to be able to tell that you’re inching in closer. They should look up and suddenly realize you’re very close and they want to kiss you. Whenever you begin to talk again, just inch a tad bit closer until that gap is closed. The closer you are, the more intimate it feels.
6 Keep your voice low and slow. For some reason, this just indicates a more romantic and intimate moment. When you’re talking so quietly that they have to lean in to hear you, you close the space and it’s automatically sexier.
7 Lick or bite your lips. Don’t chomp down on your bottom lip like you’re trying to puncture it. However, one of the best seduction techniques is simply licking and very gently biting your bottom lip. It makes the other person focus on your lips and how much they’d like to bite them.
8 Tilt your head as you lean in to talk. One way to make someone feel very special and in turn, seduce them, is by tilting your head slightly as you lean in to whisper something sexy.
This allows you to move in even closer without making them feel uncomfortable. They’ll get used to this proximity and that’ll make it easier for you to get in even closer.
9 Let them catch your eyes wandering over their body. Basically, just check them out. But make sure they see you doing it. Sometimes this can be a little risky if you haven’t already secured their trust but once you’re in, do it. This will make them feel special and show them you’re interested. Both of which are very seductive techniques.
10 Be fully engaged in what they have to say. Don’t have a wandering eye when they’re talking to you about something they really want you to know. Not only does that make you look rude, but it’ll show them you don’t care about them. That’s the opposite of what you want.
11 Make prolonged eye contact. The best thing about seducing someone is that eye contact won’t be awkward at all. You can make prolonged eye contact while flirting or even complimenting them and it’ll work to seduce them instead of creep them out. Just make sure you’ve been chatting for a bit first.
12 Quietly flirt. The key here is to not make a big deal about it. When you keep your voice low and the flirting quiet, it creates a bubble. The only two people in that bubble are you and that other person. This level of intimacy can be very arousing.
13 Touch your lips. It’s all about bringing the focus to something sensual and in this instance, it’s your lips. Casually touch your lips or rest your hand on your face in such a way that you can rub your bottom lip with your thumb. Making them notice your lips will get them thinking about what you can do with them.
14 Smile and look away bashfully. This is a very specific move that can show the other person how much you like them and are affected by them. It’s basically all about showing them you’re interested. This simply move makes you seem bashful and even a little intimidated. And so some people, that’s very sexy.
15 Be blunt about how you feel. Just tell the other person you like them and want to get to know them on a much deeper level. If you have the confidence to pull this off, then do it. Some people are extremely turned on by straightforwardness and you can really use it to your advantage and seduce them extensively.
These seduction techniques will help you woo just about anyone when used properly. Remember that each person is different and to figure out how they respond to each before switching things up.