Behind as always 19 Jul 2010 8:21 PM (14 years ago)
Sorry for the lack of captions of updates of any sort. Life hasn't really let me be in a creative mood the last few weeks, what with worries about money and and other personal matters. I had hoped moving would have made my life a bit easier but really all it did was give me a new set of complications and troubles to deal with that really aren't making anything any easier.
As such I've just felt kind of drained and not up to writing. It is just hard sometimes because I feel like I want to express myself and my thoughts and just nothing happens. Like turning on a faucet with no water running to it. It isn't really writer's block but something like it I guess. I have plenty of ideas, stories, so forth, just no motivation to actually do anything with them.
Anyway just thought I should let everyone know what's up and that I'll try to clear my head soon and put something else up here even if it is just my rambling about my feelings and my life for a bit until I feel like doing more.
Gender Map 5 Jun 2010 10:30 AM (14 years ago)
Adjusting 9 May 2010 8:17 PM (14 years ago)
It is an odd adjustment living in a big city after spending my whole life living in a very small town where everyone knows one another. Here I feel more anonymous and not as self-conscious which is nice but kind of weird getting use to.
Hopefully that will make it easier for me to be open about who I am and not have to worry as much about the reactions I'll get and all that nonsense. I know that shouldn't bother me but it always has on some level. At least here I don't have to worry about the being out en femme and running into someone I know from childhood, high school, or worse of all a family member. Here no one really knows me and thus wouldn't care.
Now I guess it is all a matter of making myself comfortable with me and being me. That bit is tougher, but I'm working on it.
Enough about me. I go on about myself and my issues too much, or so I worry. I'll hopefully be back in the swing of thing by the end of this week which means new captions and less of my emo-ramblings.
Boxes boxes everywhere... 21 Apr 2010 7:23 AM (14 years ago)
As some of you may recall I'm moving to Atlanta at the end of the month and between work and preparing to move my free time has all but vanished. That's why I haven't done much captioning of late Hopefully once I get moved and settled in at my new place I'll be able to get things back to normal around here.
While I'm very excited about the move it also has me pretty nervous.
Reasons to be excited: living somewhere new, living just a few miles from my girlfriend, getting away from the baggage I have of still living in the town I was born in, making new friends, being able to live more openly as a transsexual.
Reasons to be nervous: money still being tight, living in a big city when I've lived in a very small town my whole life, opening up to new people about my gender-identity issues.
Part of me really wants to make this a chance for fresh start in my real life. A chance to come out about who and what I am and be able to dress as the woman I am if I want. Where I currently live, a small super-religious town in the South, doing so is far more difficult. I've had to be very careful about going out en femme because it is one of those towns where everyone knows everyone else and given that my very close-minded family lives here I didn't want it getting back to them and making my life more difficult.
Being in much larger city where I can put many of those concerns behind me is very liberating but intimidating as well. Given the choice to dress and act the way I want, will I do so or will I continue to hide? It makes me wonder why I've not pushed myself to move sooner, why I let myself hide rather than just being me and saying to hell with anyone who can't accept that, etc.
Not really what I want on my mind while a thousand other things are racing through there in a desperate attempt to get everything in order to be moved in just over a week. I'm sure I'll sort through it all and I think, given the positive encouragement I get here (thankyousomuch!) and from those closest to me in real life I'm sure I'll come out of the shell I'm still half curled up inside and my life will be all the better for it.
For now though back to frantic packing and making it through the next few days.
%20and%20from%20those%20closest%20to%20me%20in%20real%20life%20I'm%20sure%20I'll%20come%20out%20of%20the%20shell%20I'm%20still%20half%20curled%20up%20inside%20and%20my%20life%20will%20be%20all%20the%20better%20for%20it.%3Cbr%20/%3E%0A%3Cbr%20/%3E%0AFor%20now%20though%20back%20to%26nbsp;%3Cspan%3Efrantic%3C/span%3E%3Cspan%3E%26nbsp;%3C/span%3Epacking%20and%20making%20it%20through%20the%20next%20few%20days.)
Trying hard to believe this 30 Mar 2010 7:39 PM (14 years ago)
I just wish it could be easier. That I didn't feel like who I am isn't who I want to be.
People I Adore: Chloe Vevrier 20 Mar 2010 9:50 AM (14 years ago)
Worth a Thousand Words: Silhouette 19 Mar 2010 4:20 PM (14 years ago)
how beautiful and powerful she truly is without needing to see any
more.
To have that is something I crave desperately. To look into a mirror and see the shape of me and know I am what I want to be.
Image found via thislifeofhers.
Things I Adore: Shaved Legs 19 Mar 2010 3:39 PM (14 years ago)
I took the time to do mine for the first time in a while today and it just feels so sexy and feminine to have smooth, silky legs even if I know it won't last too terribly long.
What I'd give to have no pesky body hair to deal with; to be hairless and smooth all the time. It is something I'd give practically anything for.
