My life 20 Mar 2010 2:02 AM (15 years ago)
This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I,ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I,d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I,m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing ok
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Addiction, Pain, Sorry? 20 Jun 2009 1:33 AM (15 years ago)
It's been a while
Since I could...
Hold my head up high
It's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been a while
Since I could call you
And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
Consequences that I've rendered
Have stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
It's been a while
Since I could say I loved myself as well and...
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you
And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
Consequences that I've rendered
Gone and fucked things up again... again
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
It's been a while
Since I could...
Look at myself straight
It's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
It's been a while
Since I've seen the way candles light your face
It's been a while
But I can still remember just the way you taste
Everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
To me... I know this pain
Can I blame this on my father?
He did the best he could for me
It's been a while
Since I could...
Hold my head up high
It's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
Ode To Enigma 22 May 2009 9:59 PM (15 years ago)
Every one asks me how do I go on with my life
without finding my other pair of socks.
Why don't I put some order in my wardrobe also?
And live (instead) sometimes in the shed
and sometimes in the garage
But I know well how it endures, crazy door opener,
puppy love that runs for the unknown car
Love that constantly barks,
comfort does not need a nail in the head (again)
and answers does not have knight of the Jedi, you
Chorus X 2 many
My Enigma, Enigma, was a WW2 machine
my suffering (torture) I fell in love with a box of cogs
My Enigma, Enigma, the Germans had it
(it seems) that I will never find a solution to this bloody code
I say again, again
strange thing the room doesn't stop moving when you
drink too much
All things leave, go, pass, (like a) ship out of my bottom
(that) comes in the bay but does not stay in the hay,
no way, today
But I know well how it can last,
crazy love of strange green
blobs
love that runs for the unknown potty
Love that constantly asks, gets really annoying
comfort does not need this master of Jedi
and answers does not have younger ones confused
they are. Maybe
Chorus X 4
Christs sake My Enigma, Enigma, it needs some oil
my suffering (torture) I fell in love with a squeaky box
My Enigma, Enigma, what's wrong now you bloody thing
(it seems) that I will never find a solution as my hand is
stuck
From Kently
Funny Red Sheet 1 Apr 2009 3:56 AM (16 years ago)
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'bout a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away…away from me
Well it’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me ...... inside of me ...(x2)
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man looking for a dream
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
It’s not easy ... wu.. hoo.. hoo..
It’s not easy to be me...
New Guy In Town 8 Dec 2008 1:05 PM (16 years ago)
Hi Folks,
A very dear (rather sexy) friend of mine has just launched his blog.
He is a professional certified astrologer, so obviously its an astrology blog, but one with a twist , jam packed with useful information, and a rather humorous take on things.
Check him out at http://www.astrologic.us
And to all my bestest buddies, a merry Xmas and happy New Year to you.
For The Romantics 19 Jul 2008 6:24 PM (16 years ago)
Sonnets from the Portuguese, #43
by Elizabeth Barrett-Browning (1850)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints — I love with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Famous, or Maybe Infamous? 28 Jun 2008 2:57 PM (16 years ago)
I have had one of my more humorous posts published in a book about Bloggers, along with a few other Notables, Scorpie, Just A Girl, to name a few.
And just to clear up a strengthening rumour -I am not an Australian man, pretending to be 3 other Australian men , Scorpie, Indy, Wombat ,who is pretending to be an Australian woman. (sorry Scorpie, I couldnt resist ,LOL)
WHAT HAVE WE BECOME? 23 Jun 2008 4:16 AM (16 years ago)
It is a disease in society today, be nice, be kind, be patient, be spiritual.
What the majority of people don't realize is ,that attitude often create the 'predator-prey" mentality.
The violent regimes of this world regard it as weakness to be exploited.
We are all God, but not all of us are aware of that fact.
What that creates is a climate where Messianic maniacs like Mugabe can decimate,rape, kill,plunder and destroy their own county and people , and we in the free world sit back and do nothing.
We are so fearful of being seen as politically incorrect, that the basis premise of advanced life on this planet is forgotten.
THE STRONG PROTECT THE WEAK
In primitive cultures the strong attack the weak, the "predator-prey' syndrome.It is a sign of an advanced culture to protect those weaker than us, whether its people, animals, or our planet.
So we have the UN, who tries in their misguided fashion to reason with a madmen and mad regimes.
We have a situation in Burma, where we are begging and bargaining with corrupt generals to let us save their people.The generals are telling us they will let us save their people for 3 billion dollars.
What the fuck!@!!!They think we are stupid, and we actually are.
But the generals are smart, they realize that after 4 weeks or so, the dying starving people will be old news, and forgotten to the general public,so they wont really have a problem.
When will we realise that there is NO negotiating with despotic regimes?
They regard negotiating as weak, and a ploy for getting what they want.
Where the hell has common sense gone in this mad world?
People talk about the evilness of America invading Iraq.
The main problem was they weren't honest about it.
What they should have said is 'We cant afford to have the main oil, and world power supply in the the hands of extremists, so we will doctor up some excuse of weapons of mass destruction to take it".
This may seem like a very unpopular thing for me to say, but any one reading this, ask yourself, who would you want to be in charge of the worlds oil fields? And the associated power that brought?
American? Afghanistan, the Taliban ,Pakistan, the Mullahs ? Bin laden? I know who I would want.
Because if America didn't do what it did, you can bet it in a few years it would have been a very different world we now live in.
Think about it.
And mad dictators must be overthrown, wether we gain anything material from doing it or not.
....And unless we in the west, start taking real action, not the endless talking ,dissembling, discussing, crap that we now see, many more millions will die, in Burma, Sierra Leonie, Afghanistan, Africa.
We, in the western world, as a democratic powerful society, have a duty of care to protect these people, and to help them gain independance from repressive regimes.
Until we do, their will never be world peace, and we can protest, think positive thoughts, study Zen ,do affirmations till the cows come home, but until strong, moral, responsible action is taken, regardless of public opinion, we are guilty of being the one good man that does nothing.
This is OUR responsibility, OUR world, OUR people,OUR planet.
And we can let popular opinion rule, or stop being sheep and stand up for what we believe is right, no matter the religion, race, gender or nationality.
Good-bye 13 Apr 2008 5:33 PM (17 years ago)
Hi Folks,
I am back from my retreat and have decided to stop blogging, I,m not sure if its forever, or just for a while.
The reason I started blogging, was due to certain problems with my partners film business, I had to leave what I had been doing for 15 years ( intuitive counseling)and put all my time and energy into changing the structure of the existing business, and also branching it into a new one.
I have been working on this full time for about 2 years now, and it is now stable, and the new one is ready to roll.
I also had to drop my prison rehab programs, my Indian orphanage program, and various workshops and groups I used to run.
This again isn't a whinge, just what had to be done.
So I felt very lonely.The world of SFX, and the military, whilst very interesting, didn't really have a lot of "me" there..So I started reaching out to others through the Internet.
It was a medium for me to express the parts of me that weren't being expressed in my day to day life.
The 'others' I met are a diverse bunch of people who have stunned me with their awareness, kindness, intelligence, humour, spirituality and compassion ( yes, You Guys) who's loving support I have felt and treasured from across the miles that separate us, and I have also made some deep personal friends along the way.
However the cyber world has been gradually taking over for a while now, and its time for me to withdraw from it and get back into what I need to do.
To all my much, much loved blog buddies out there, email me if you feel like it, and I want to say thank you, I love all of you, and if I am ever in your part of the world, or you mine, lets meet up and "do lunch".
I wish you all the very best this life has to offer,
Love Enigma
A Foxes Tail 8 Apr 2008 5:50 PM (17 years ago)
The Law 7 Apr 2008 8:06 PM (17 years ago)
The sun may be clouded, yet ever the sun
Will sweep on its course till the cycle is run.
And when into chaos the systems are hurled,
Again shall the Builder reshape a new world.
Your path may be clouded, uncertain your goal;
Move on, for the orbit is fixed for your soul.
And though it may lead into darkness of night
The torch of the Builder shall give it new light.
You were, and you will be; know this while you are:
Your spirit has traveled both long and afar.
It came from the Source, to the Source it returns;
The spark that was lighted eternally burns.
From body to body your spirit speeds on;
It seeks a new form when the old one is gone;
And the form that it finds is the fabric we wrought
On the loom of the mind with the fibre of thought.
From cycle to cycle, through time and through space,
Your lives with your longings will ever keep pace.
All that you ask for and all you desire
Must come at your bidding, as flames out of fire.
You are your own devil, you are your own God.
You fashioned the paths that your footsteps have trod.
And no one can save you from error or sin
Until you hark to the spirit within.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1850-1915
A Miserable Life (back as a reminder) 7 Apr 2008 4:00 AM (17 years ago)
Here are some handy tips to guarantee that your life is as miserable as it can possibly be
*Constantly think and talk about the past, preferably all the negative things. Even the positive things are a great way to make you feel miserable, they are gone, who knows if they will ever happen again.
*Define yourself by your age.
*Always be right.
*Never inquire into your thought processes, that would undo being right.
*Have most of your conversations revolve around what someone else did, and don't forget to judge them accordingly.
*Take everything, absolutely everything, including the weather, personally.
*Use the expressions "it isn't fair, and this shouldn't have happened" whenever something goes wrong and always find something to blame, including yourself
*Compare yourself to other people, positively or negatively , it doesn't matter which.
*Learn to react quickly , subjectively and emotionally to whatever happens .
*Cultivate the philosophy "if your not with me, your against me".
*Never forget who has hurt you, the first tip helps enormously with this.
*Treat your children and your partners as extensions of yourself.
*Expect people to think and feel exactly like you, and react with justified anger when they don't.
*React with even more anger when they do all of the above.
*Always do what you think is expected of you, never tell people how you really feel and then blow up in justifiable anger at how they are abusing you.
*Get into the habit of generalizing and putting people in boxes
*Expect people and life to never change.
*Use as your favourite expression "this is the way I am and I cant help or change it".
*Be defensive and evasive, after all if your honest, you, ll give the game away.
*Think that if someone loves you, they know what you are thinking and feeling.
*Spend hours trying to work out what someones motive is , come up with your own ideas, and treat them accordingly.
*Make sure that you are never kind or purposely back down from a fight with someone you don't like, it shows weakness.
*Cut people out of your life who don't agree with you.
*Blame everything in your life on external events, and when someone refuses to treat you as a victim, get really angry and call them unsupportive.
*Never learn anything new or meet different people.
*Surround yourself with people who actively practice these tips as a way of life, this helps perfect it . Remember misery loves company.
*Expect people to do things on your time frame.
*Pick unavailable romantic partners , be with them for years, use all of the reasons above why you cant leave them, and then do it all over with someone new.
*Regard every new relationship as "The One'.
*Have set rules, regulations and expectations on the relationship, if they don't fulfill them , ditch them , they weren't "The One", this nicely validates all the other techniques.
These are just a few handy hints, but even if you only do a few of them, a miserable life is guaranteed. And the beauty of this is it can only get worse.
Try it for two weeks, and if you don't feel like total shit by that time you can get your money back.
Enjoy
The Kitten Gets It! 4 Apr 2008 10:45 PM (17 years ago)
This is the last of the rescued kittens, we have called her "Table Wabbit" as she is really soft and fluffy like a rabbit. The other 2 went to good homes together a few weeks ago.
We are making a poster up saying that the kitten gets it in 2 weeks if we cant find a home for her.
The feral mum had another litter last week, 6 of them.
I will be de- sexing the little tramp as soon as possible.
Mother and babies are doing well, I'm rather frazzled with 10 cats.
My Immortal 4 Apr 2008 12:24 AM (17 years ago)
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Where its at. 3 Apr 2008 1:56 AM (17 years ago)
Understanding men, and people in general is really simple, you just realize that you will never really know where someone else is at.
Why? Because you are not them. Its an impossibility to know fully and completely where someone else is at. Its that simple.
You can only know your ideas of them.
Understanding where you are at is the important thing, everything else naturally falls into place once this is worked out.
(The Gingatao Dancers)From Princess Lakota 1 Apr 2008 8:06 PM (17 years ago)
I have stolen this from Princess Lakotas site, I found it too hysterically funny to keep hidden in the back room, and also Princess is so talented at putting this sort of thing together, it should be shared *raises glass to Princess*
This was in response to a strange comment tangent that myself, Jo ,and Princess danced of with on Gingataos site.
Paul, you know you've really made it when you have a dance troupe named after you
Thank You ( again) 31 Mar 2008 10:15 PM (17 years ago)
I have deleted that last post, as I don't feel comfortable having something so personal permanently up.
I also want to give every one who commented a big group hug, for your heart touching concern, words of wisdom (and humour), and actually for just being there...it means more to me than you all can know.
Mush Brain 29 Mar 2008 3:10 PM (17 years ago)
AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!
I don't feel like doing anything,
my brain has turned to mush.
I have so much to do,
and I'm wading though
the slush and crush
of this Sundays hush.
Come on Brain,
do your thing,
Finnish that thesis,
give those people a ring.
Write that proposal,
don't make it antipodal
And remember to call Jenny
At The Weapons Disposal.
Stop talking to the cat
It doesn't have
a clue where your at.
Finnish building that site
or you ll be up all night.
Read through that script,
though its probably shit.
Who knows?Maybe one day
it will be a hit.
Organise that meeting
with Colonel Sweeting,
for some time next week
or well be up the creek.
Do the dishes, and the laundry too
and clean up the rest
of the messy cat poo.
Brush cut the lawn, don't you dare yawn,
there is so much to do
I'm counting on you.
"OH bugger off "
says my brain.
Your giving me a pain,
it will be done when its done,
Think I'll go and laze in the sun
Another one Bites The Dust 27 Mar 2008 4:27 PM (17 years ago)
Well there goes the American film we were contracted to work on for the next 9 months.
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=114495
This is a rant from me, on the deplorable state of the Aussie film industry...especially NSW.
In the last 4 years, we have watched so many of our friends and business associates go bankrupt, loose absolutely everything, and some of them commit suicide.
We are one of only 2 studios left in NSW, and believe me, its been a bloody struggle to hold onto.
And why is this?
1-The Australian Government doesn't want to give tax credits to overseas films, thereby guaranteeing that no big films are made here, and with the Aussie dollar almost the same as America, what is the incentive?The government only wants to give credits to Australian films, but most Aussie films are low budget, and cannot sustain a large crew. And it has been shown that they are pretty much uninteresting to the wider market, how many Rabbit Proof fence's, Danny Deckchairs, Prissilla , etc can you watch?
2-You have rich media moguls (not mentioning names) who keep the biggest film studios in Australia booked up and constantly empty, so their equally spoilt favourite directors can decide at their leisure if they want to make a film there or not, with the result that no big films can be made, they usually go overseas. The rent of these studios to the rich moguls is an unbelievably low amount, so they are under no pressure to make it profitable, its a tax write off to them.
3-When something does finally get made, you have the piranhas that are in the council circling around, all wanting a slice of the pie, and charging exorbitant location fees. The last big TVC we did, we rented the premises privately of a company, worked out the price, and away we went.
A council officer stepped in, and tried to blackmail the production company into giving them $10,000 a day. Now as this was private land, it was pretty obvious who's pockets this would be lining. Luckily the producer called the council big Whigs in and called them on it, and they had to drop it, but this sort of thing happens all the time.
The upshot of this shortsightedness, is an industry that was once thriving is dead, not dying, actually dead.
It was an industry that once employed thousands of people, and trained young people in the actual (not film school) way of film making.
Now any talented people who want to survive have to go overseas. ..which puts a huge strain on families, relationships, and guarantees that our brightest and most talented are not working here, and again flows what could be money into Australia, out of it.
So that's my rant.
Boys Will be Boys 26 Mar 2008 3:30 PM (17 years ago)
I get woken up by my Mobile phone ringing at 4 AM this morning.
Now most people would be somewhat worried getting a phone call at that time of the morning, I am used to it as it is often our security company ringing to tell me our workshop alarm has gone off, (to which I respond, I'll fix it in the morning) or my ex, drunk, saying "Wotcha doin? Baby"(to which I respond, sleeping).
However this morning it was the call every mother dreads, "Hi , Ms Enigma, this is Mikey, there has been an accident ,Little Man is in the hospital".
I have a tendency to become super calm in the middle of a situation like this, so I just said "What happened? And how bad is it?"
The upshot is that he got plastered with his friends, tripped over going into the apartment building, and smashed through the plate glass door, cracking his head open on the concrete.
So Mikey puts LM on ,
"Mum" he says, "I've got a really bad headache." "You're a bloody idiot" , I say, in true loving mother fashion.
"I'll come to the hospital " I continue, "No, No ", he says, "They are stapling my head up, and I,ll be home in a minute."
So I get a nurse on the phone, see what the damage is, make myself a cup of tea and calmly wait for the immanent arrival of LM.
LM arrives about an hour later, totally drunk, covered in blood, with 5 staples in his head.
Now LM doesn't get drunk like this very often, which is a good thing, as I mentioned in another post , he is over 6 foot, very muscly, and when hes drunk he is a bit difficult to control.
So he comes in yelling at the top of his lungs, "Ive got metal in my head" over and over.
I,m trying to get him settled on the lounge, check the damage, mop up the blood, and give him some tablets, hes flailing around, yelling about the metal in his head.
I end up saying" Oh for Gods sake, shut up and lie down, and let me fix you up"
He subsides onto the lounge, I clean up the blood, and as I'm bending over him, I get the strangest feeling, my blood starts pounding in my ears, I think I'm going to throw up, and everything starts going dim ,"Oh God, I'm going to faint",I say.
LM starts yelling again, "Mum its not that bad, I'm O.K, don't be upset"
I rush to the bathroom, throw up, and sit with my head between my legs until its passes.
A shock delayed reaction I think.
So I come back, sit on the lounge and cradle my Little Mans head in my lap, and soothe him to sleep.
I don't talk about my son much, but he is the love of my life.
I raised him on my own from when he was 6 months old, and for a long time there was only him and I.
He was my only reason for living for a long time, and if something happened to him, I really don't know if I would survive it.
He is not just my son, but one of the finest human beings I have ever known, and I am blessed to have him in my life, as my family and friend.
The Voice of The Voiceless 22 Mar 2008 7:22 PM (17 years ago)
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I am the voice of the voiceless;
Through me the dumb shall speak;
Till the deaf world's ear be made to hear
The cry of the wordless weak.
From street, from cage, and from kennel,
From jungle and stall, the wail
Of my tortured kin proclaims the sin
Of the mighty against the frail.
I am a ray from the centre;
And I will feed God's spark,
Till a great light glows in the night and shows
The dark deeds done in the dark.
And full on the thoughtless sleeper
Shall flash its glaring flame,
Till he wakens to see what crimes may be
Cloaked under an honoured name.
The same Force formed the sparrow
That fashioned man, the king;
The God of the Whole gave a spark of soul
To furred and to feathered thing.
And I am my brother's keeper,
And I will fight his fight,
And speak the word for beast and bird,
Till the world shall set things right.
Let no voice cavil at Science -
The strong torch-bearer of God;
For brave are his deeds, though dying creeds,
Must fall where his feet have trod.
But he who would trample kindness
And mercy into the dust -
He has missed the trail, and his quest will fail:
He is not the guide to trust.
For love is the true religion,
And love is the law sublime;
And all that is wrought, where love is not,
Will die at the touch of time.
And Science, the great revealer,
Must flame his torch at the Source;
And keep it bright with that holy light,
Or his feet shall fail on the course.
Oh, never a brute in the forest,
And never a snake in the fen,
Or ravening bird, starvation stirred,
Has hunted its prey like men.
For hunger, and fear, and passion
Alone drive beasts to slay,
But wonderful man, the crown of the plan,
Tortures, and kills, for play.
He goes well fed from his table;
He kisses his child and wife;
Then he haunts a wood, till he orphans a brood,
Or robs a deer of its life.
He aims at a speck in the azure;
Winged love, that has flown at a call;
It reels down to die, and he lets it lie;
His pleasure was seeing it fall.
And one there was, weary of laurels,
Of burdens and troubles of State;
So the jungle he sought, with the beautiful thought
Of shooting a she lion's mate.
And one came down from the pulpit,
In the pride of a duty done,
And his cloth sufficed, as his emblem of Christ,
While murder smoked out of his gun.
One strays from the haunts of fashion
With an indolent, unused brain;
But his sluggish heart feels a sudden start
In the purpose of giving pain.
And the fluttering flock of pigeons,
As they rise on eager wings,
From prison to death, bring a catch in his breath:
OH, THE RAPTURE OF KILLING THINGS!
Now, this is the race as we find it,
Where love, in the creed, spells hate;
And where bird and beast meet a foe in the priest
And in rulers of fashion and State.
But up to the Kingdom of Thinkers
Has risen the cry of our kin;
And the weapons of thought are burnished and brought
To clash with the bludgeons of sin.
Come near to the earth again;
Be more than a Name; be a living Flame;
'Make Good' in the hearts of men.
Shine full on the path of Science,
And show it the heights above,
Where vast truths lie for the searching eye
That shall follow the torch of love.