I NOW HAVE A NEW FOUND LOVE FOR RUSSIA, THE PEOPLE, THE HOSPITALITY...BASICALLY EVERYTHING!
DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY SPOILED LIFE HERE, BUT THE TRIP/ADVENTURE THAT I JUST TOOK...THERE ARE JUST NO WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW IT COMPLETELY CHANGED MY LIFE!
I'M STILL ABOUT 50% STILL IN SOVIETSK AND 50% HERE.
IT HELPS MY LITTLE ONES ARE HERE! I MISSED THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
A BIG THANKS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED FROM SARAH AND BEN TO TRANSLATORS TO THE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, TO KATHERINE...MY TRAVEL BFF. ;-)
I WILL POST SOON WITH SPECIFIC DETAILS AND LOTS OF PICS, BUT UNTIL THEN, JUST KNOW THAT I AM REALLY AT PEACE WITH LIFE...THANKS TO THIS EXPERIENCE.
JEN
Yep, that's right! Russia bound in T-4 days...ahhhhh! I'm so nervous to leave the kiddos, but know that this humanitarian trip that i am taking will be well worth it.
I will post on this blog and update as much as possible.
;-) Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!
Jen
December 2006
(HE WANTED THE CAKE TO SAY: "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, -----")
CQ invited one of her bestest friends...TORI http://www.mytoribug.blogspot.com/ to enjoy Big Brother's special day!
We love you soooo much Buddah Bean. We can't believe you are such a BIG BOY already!!!!
Have any of you read this before?
I love it.
Mommie, How much did I cost?
The moment every adoptive parent dreads….right over the fish sticks, French fries and peas….the question I had been waiting to hear, just not so soon.
Annelise (adopted from China four years ago, now age 6), coming up for air from the ketchup pool on her plate, looks at me with her dark eyes and asks “Mommie, how much did I cost?”
Me: “Cost? You didn’t cost a penny! Now eat your peas!” Situation handled. At least for now.
But let me think about this again. We are standing, Dave and I, on the shores of another “new” adventure. We are embarking on our 6th international adoption, bringing home another five year old boy from Taiwan. So, besides the obvious monetary cost of the process, how much did you cost? There is no mystery where the question came from. It came from four years of you absorbing our frenetic paperwork gathering, fingerprint getting, notary signing, and budget deficit spending for the four other children that followed on your heels from China. Or, it might have come from Kindergarten, where the children are so worldly they know more about where babies come from than they do about Bob the Builder. Annelise, your question briefly halted me in my onward rush for total enlightenment, acquired by getting 5 kids fed and bathed before 8 p.m. bedtime. Your question has simmered and bubbled in the back of my mind ever since. Together, you and I have gone through “you are adopted”, “you didn’t grow you in mommie's tummy”, “not all babies are born in China”, “yes, airplanes are to used for other things than getting babies from China” and “no, you can’t have more cookies before bed”.So, Annelise, here is how much you cost:
A feeling of willingly jumping off the top of a tall building with no clue on how to land safely. I think it’s called a Leap of Faith. I’ll let you know when I land.
1.5 pounds of paperwork
Three vials of blood, one physical, 15 visits to the doctor’s office because the notary screwed up... again.
Multiple social worker visits…are we there yet?
At least 5 headaches from thinking up creative answers to questions there are no good answers to, such as: what will I do when I return home after work to a totally wrecked house, a husband snoring on the couch, walls decorated in rainbow patterns from glitter crayons, cat vomit in a connect-the-dots pattern from the kitchen to the living room, and a 16 month old in the middle of the kitchen making dinner out of a Oreo cookies).
Two 14 hr plane rides.
An overnight stay in Tokyo when we missed the connecting flight to Beijing
A sleepless night in Tokyo brought on by really reading all the earthquake warnings on the back of the hotel room door.
My first mommie moment when I learned what a being a mommie was all about after you threw up all the food I overfed you on the airplane (after bouncing you on my knee), after stripping you down to your diaper, after learning the airline blanket had not escaped the projectile vomiting, and after getting ready to rip the throat out of two smarmy airline hostesses who tried to ignore me asking for a blanket, while my child turned blue from the cold.
At least two weeks of feeling like someone dropped off their child with me and forgot to come back and get her
Two months of singing every rendition of “Rock-a-bye Baby” I could imagine for at least 2 hrs every night while I suffered from a terrible virus received from my trip to China, in the middle of the hottest summer on record in Northern Michigan
The cartilage in my knees as I learning to crawl out of your nursery with out making any of the floor boards creak, knowing full well you were still awake, but going hoarse from all that singing.
Learning how to stop dead in my tracks and pretend I was still laying on the floor sleeping next to your crib when you popped your head up because I missed one lousy, noisy, damn floor board.
Experiencing the joy of eating a whole quart of strawberries by the side of the road with my 18 month old daughter, because you didn’t know when to stop eating, and I was having too much fun to know any better.
Finding out there was only one true color and that was pink, pink, nothing but pink, so help me God.
Finally understanding that dresses are better than pants, with tights please, the ones with the frilly bottoms, and what do you mean they don’t come in 5T?
The realization that no matter how many children I adopt, no matter how old I get, you and your brothers and sisters will never, ever fill the hole created by the two babies that I gave birth to who died because they were too young to live. And while you can never replace them, they can never replace you either.
Annelise, you cost me everything I never knew I had inside me to give.
You cost me the wall I built around my heart when my babies died, the patience I so sorely hoarded because it was in such short supply, the personal space I thought I required, and my unceasing quest for answers from God who finally just plunked you down in my lap and told me “Look! This is all you need to know!”
That, Annelise, is how much you cost. Now, go tell your Kindergarten class that Bob the Builder doesn’t hold a candle to your mother
Sometimes I still need a little "Pick me up" from our miscarriage last Aug. I still get sad from time to time, and think about it often.
BUT, I'm really working on that #3 with Jason...he might almost be there. (?)
What would we do? WHO KNOWS (but adoption is a definite...I can't repeat what happened over last summer! )
We are healing from all of this. It's amazing how truly hard it has been. I am still so sad sometimes when I think about how far along I would be, or how the baby would be developing, or what stage it would be in now.
I did have a visit to the Dr. today, but still no real answers. I was far enough along for there to be some extensive chromosome testing done and that won't be back for a few more weeks.
I did have a bit of a scare last week when I began bleeding/clotting and it wouldn't stop. My GOD! That was pretty awful. That's finally better!
Anyway, after several days on medicine for that issue, I have now began to start coming to terms with things and I think my hormones are starting to balance out and I feel like alittle bit more like "A REAL PERSON" again.
School began today, and it was bitter sweet for me. I really had no summer at all. I spent (basically) the entire month of July in bed, and the 1st 2 weeks of Aug. recovering from surgery, so I am a bit bitter about that.
I wanted to thank all of you again for your kind words and I am really glad that I had a small outlet to vent and talk about what went on...because we really only told a few people.
I PROMISE PROMISE to post pictures soon. I don't have my disk here with me tonight.
Jen
Recovery after the D-n-C has been ok. It comes and goes. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I still feel very pregnant because my hormone levels are still pretty high. It's just uncomfortable. Lots of cramping, lots of tears.
Seems like this has been such a blur...such a whirlwind.
We are strong. I know we'll get through this and we'll be just fine.
I am the kind of person who will always wonder WHY, but I'm sure that too will reveal itself at some point.
I'll try and update next time with pics of the kiddos...they are getting soooooo BIG.
Buddah begins Kindergarten in just 2 weeks...OMG!!!
I'm hanging in there. Thanks for all the warm wishes and cyber hugs...they mean so much.
Jen
Wow. This was my ultra-sound today.
I went to my ultrasound appt. and found out that within the last 24-48 hours the baby's heart beat stopped. I was so wierd. The baby had arms and legs, and looked very perfect...just no heart beat. They worked on finding one for awhile, and then said... "I'm so sorry".
I can't believe it. This whole experience feels like a sick joke. How can a little miracle so unexpected turn out this way. Why?
I have my DNC Wednesday morning.
I have been guarded, but it's never ever easy. I actually forgot just how much these things can hurt.
It's so sad that this is the only picture I will ever see of this baby. ;-(
I am so thankful for Buddah and CQ.
I'll keep you updated.
Jen
I am really confused as to how to really put into words how I am feeling right now.
So, I'm going to make a list....
1. I am excited
2. I am scared to death
3. I am confused...actually quite bewildered
4. Mad because I don't want to be that statistic
5. Happy because I am that statistic
6. Guarded
7. Proud
8. Like I could throw up any second.
9. I want everything to be normal so bad
I am 7.5 weeks pregnant...now we all know how this happens, but how did it happen to me...now?
I have no idea.
It's been 6 years since we even saw a fertility specialist.
About 6 years since our last miscarrage.
We know that to get pregnant I have to take heprin and asprin because my husband and I have a very very strong immunological issue.
I am on no medication
We saw and heard a little heart beat today and everything looks normal...WHAT???????????
I talk to the doctor tomorrow
Our feelings are Not too High and Not too Low...
WOW are we in shock.
We know that so much can happen
This was not AT ALL PLANNED!
Please keep us in your prayers
I've probably lost most of my HUGE BLOG following, he he he, but it has seriously been so busy that blogging was the 10,000th thing on my life list to do for the past month and a half.
BUT
Soooo much has happened.
The school year has ended, so that means I have the summer off from teaching. (YEAH!!!) They say that the best 3 things about teaching are JUNE, JULY, and AUGUST. I do love my job, but I was really ready to be home with my two little rugrats for a while.
CQ turned 3 at the end of May. She is now TOTALLY potty trained and...
we are in the "Thinking" stages of a big girl bed.
Isn't this cute?
We have remodeled some rooms in our house...wood floors over 1600 sq. ft. on the entire first floor, we changed our countertops and now they are granite, we installed cubbies in the laundry room to make it a true MUDROOM. Good Work Daddy!
I got a new SUV and even though it's big, I love it. I'll be sure to be GREEN in other ways...promise!
Best of all, the relationship with my son, has always (actually instantly) been wonderful.
The relationship with my daughter has been so hard b/c of all of the attachment and behavioral issues that she has had. I am pleased to report that she is doing amazing. I mean amazing. I know that she will still have her moments here and there, but it's truly unbelievable what research, soul searching, structure, and support will help you through. It's not even like she is the same kid. I can't even put into words how much happier I AM and I'm sure she is now that we've turned this corner. I also think it's amazing that at 1 and 2 years of age a child can work to make these changes as well. I always say that CQ has been the very hardest job of my entire life. Really no words to describe my emotions...just love. More hard work on the way I'm sure, but right now I'm lov'in it.
I have finally been able to check up on so many bloggers that I haven't seen or heard from in a while. So many babies coming home right now and that makes me happy. Of course summer is always very slow Russia.
I hope all is well with everyone.
I also hope to keep updates coming regularly this summer! :)
Jen
EASTER WEEKEND 2008
NOW FOR THE BEHIND THE SCENES TO GET THE PICTURES ABOVE...
THANK GOODNESS I DIDN'T WANT PICTURES OF THEM TOGETHER, OH! I DID. :-)
OUR FAMILY WENT TO VISIT PAPA RICK, NANA CHERI, AND AUNT MARIN EASTER WEEKEND. BUDDAH GOT TO DO THIS FUN "JUMPING THING" AT THE ST. LOUIS MALL.
HOW FUN WAS THIS! HE JUST STARTED DOING FLIPS OUT OF NOWHERE!
I guess I will start with X-mas pictures...going back to Buddah's X-mas program at pre-school.
Handsome...isn't he?
This tantrum is still under
investigation as to why it even
happened in the 1st place.
30 minutes after the tantrum...At Santa's house, we were just fine.
The kids really enjoy movies now!
Buddah at hockey/skating lessons...he continues to get better and better! McDonald's Playland for when it's -6 degrees
Buddah's 5th Birthday Party