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Assalamualaikum again! Hehehe. I suddenly felt like updating my blog so that's why im here hehe =) Have been quite busy lately coz mid term is approaching and yet i feel so calm hehe. Am i telling the truth? Only Allah knows =p ahak ahak !

Erm what im going to share here is .....i myself ,i dont know -.- blame my mind coz it's so blank now .Just woke up from a deep sleep and imma happy kid ! You never knew how much I love sleeping =p Ok ok jom jadi serius *muka serius*

Ah,i do not know how to start this -____- Early marriage sekarang ni dah jadi trend kan? wakakaka.Intro tak bleh blah . Bukannya apa,but i love seeing those couple who get married early . shoo shuweett . Dahek here. What am i talking about -___- Tapi betul la kan . Sweet kan? Memiliki dengan cara yang halal dan diredhai Allah . Tapi masih ada sesetengah pihak yang cetek pemikiran by saying those people who get married at young age as 'gatal' . Eh, sentap i bila uolls cakap mcm tu . Then yang duk main message ayat gedik2 i love u u labi air tak gatal plak? I seriously do not know mcm mana diorang coordinate their way of thinking. Be rational . Come on guys ! Lets stop all this =) 

Eh kejap,kenapa nampak mcm aku sokong early marriage je? haha XD Mesti la sokong .Kenapa pulak tak sokong?Lebih banyak kebaikan kawen awal dari kawen lambat ni uolls.If la,if ok,if .. ada kawan aku yang nak kawen awal ,i mean in their 20's , i would be the one who's excited. Macam yippee yippee giteww ahaha. 

But in my case,I prefer to finish my study first =) Arwah ma pernah cakap 'Nini,kalau awak nak kawen,tggu nanti masuk degree,4th year mcm tu kalau ada laki masuk pinang awak mama bagi kawen teros dah,tapi kalau awak nk bertunang,sekarang pon mama bagi,tapi takde orang nak awk sbb awak hodoh' it was last year's conversation. wakakaka , arwah ma mmg lawak. Me love you ma =) . For the time being, I do not want to think bout this . I want to focus on my study . Foundation pon tak lepas dah nak pikir pasal kawen . I should slaughter my own self then ahaha. I have my own target =) I wanna be someone successful , I want my late mother and my abah to be proud of me.Becoz they are my everything . 

As for now,I will try my best to prepare myself for the future. In shaa Allah,a devoted slave of Allah,an obedient daughter to my abah a righteous wife to my husband,a loving mom to my children and one more ! a dedicated paediatrician =) Amin amin ^^

''He might be yours and also might not be yours,but you must be a wife to your future hubby and he's waiting for u.You do not know who's he but your task is to prepare yourself to be the best for him" This is what my brother  said to me . wahwah . I love him coz he's so caring and loving . 

Ok,i should stop now .Study gila2 for mid term jom ! Tapi jangan lupa hubungan ngan Allah dan manusia pon kena jaga .

Peluk cium buat arwah ma =) I love you 

Assalamualaikum wbt . Bersyukur ke hadrat Illahi kerana masih dipinjamkan nyawa dan nikmat dan dengan limpahan kurnia dari-Nya saya masih berpeluang menjengah blog usang ini.Usang usang pon sayang ,sebab warna pink #eh

‘’Sungguh penat menjadi manusia,nak jadi kucing la senang’’ . Pernah saya terfikir macam ni bila hati tidak tenang,kepala serabut.Mengucap panjang bila terkenangkan diri ini.Banyak kekhilafan yang dilakukan.Allah,ampuni aku.Kadang2 sebagai manusia ,kita tak sedar apa sebenarnya tujuan Allah ciptakan kita ke dunia ini.Tidak sedar atau buat2 tidak sedar? Wallahualam. Hanya Allah je yang tahu apa yang ada dlm hati. Terkadang duduk termenung sendirian …cuba muhasabah diri …Terkilan..Terlalu banyak keluhan yang keluar dari bibir ini..Itu tak kena,ini tak kena..Allah,maafkan aku kerana aku tidak bersyukur..Sedarlah diri , bahawa kamu itu hanyalah seorang hamba kepada pemilik dunia..Kamu tidak ada hak untuk mengeluh..Tapi lumrah manusia,saat ditimpa sesuatu yang tidak disukai,pasti ada saja yang keluar dari bibir.Kalau tidak di bibir,di dalam hati.Maka cepat-cepatlah beristighfar..Ingatlah,masih ada orang lain di luar sana yang mengalami sesuatu yang lebih teruk berbanding kamu..Jangan cepat mengeluh,jangan cepat berputus asa.Kuatkan semangat,sesungguhnya Allah menyukai mereka yang kuat berbanding yang lemah.

Herm..yang kat atas tu pendahuluan untuk entry kali ini.Sedikit pesanan utk diri sendiri yang kadang2 agak terpesong..mudah terjatuh..mudah utk menjadi lemah.Juga pesanan utk sesiapa sahaja yang terdatang ke blog ni.

Sebulan berlalu,waktu terus berdetik dan diri ini juga semakin sibuk.Mengejar apa yang sepatutnya dikejar..Mencari apa yang sepatutnya di cari..Bukan cari jodoh .Bukan kejar cinta yang dimaksudkan . tapi apa yang dikejarkan , apa yg dicari adalah IlMU ..Ilmu yang bakal memimpin ku di masa hadapan kelak.Namun terdetik juga di hati ini,adakah ilmu duniawi saja yang ingin ku cari,yang ingin ku kuasai?Jawapannya tidak.Lalu saya mengambil keputusan untuk join usrah.Alhamdulillah dari situ saya dapat apa yang saya nak..Benda baru..Yang kadang2 saya sendiri tak terfikir saya akan dapat . Alhamdulillah =) Kalau di Naim dulu,saya tidak berpeluang join usrah kerana kebiasaannya usrah itu hanya dibuat utk budak asrama,jadi budak berulang mcm saya ni tak berpeluang lah.Lagipun dulu,saya kurang beminat dengan aktiviti usrah macam ni.Jahilnya saya dahulu *lap air mata*.Tapi rahmat Allah tiada  orang boleh jangka,sangat besar,sangat luas..Alahmdulillah,Allah buka pintu hati saya utk berubah.Dan saya berdoa saya terus istiqomah utk sentiasa berubah kea rah yang lebih baik.Aamiin.

Salam sayang dan rindu buat arwah mama J

Assalamualaikum 

Tak tahu nak tulis apa.Tangan kaku.Hati mahu meluahkan apa yg terbuku tapi tangan dan otak seolah-olah beku,tak mahu bekerjasama.I will be leaving for the new sem tomorrow :'( Perasaan bercampur baur.Aint know how to express this feeling let alone to spill it out.Sedih ada,gembira ada,takut pon ada.Takut sebab tak dapat terima hakikat yang new sem is starting very soon.Sedih sebab dah takde tempat nak mengadu kalau tension2 study (yes,i know that Allah is the best listener) .Gembira sebab tak sabar nak jadi doc (yes,mmg lambat lagi.but yeah...*smirk*)

Rasa keberatan nak tinggalkan abah sorang2..You know how i feel like if you r in my shoes.Babah sorang2 kat rumah.He might feel lonely..Just exactly like how I feel..I was a bit emotional these days..And I hate myself being in this state coz I ended up crying..People see me as if Im strong and tough enough..'Lini kan kuat'..Im not that strong actually,I can be fragile sometimes coz Im human rite? How can I be happy all the time? Depan abah,kalau boleh tak nak nangis and I always try my best not to.He dislikes to see me crying in front of him.Maybe dia takut dia terikut nangis sama hehe :')

Being away means I wont be able to visit arwah mama :'( Kalau kat umah,tiba2 rasa rindu kat mama boleh pergi visit mama. Tapi kalau duk PJ ..takkan nak terbang balik kot..Lately,sangat rindu kat mama..Bila tengok orang lain jalan ngan ibu diorang mesti cepat je mata ni nak berair.I kept whispering to myself 'Be strong dear self.Allah loves her more than you do'..Dapat doakan mama dari jauh pun adalah satu rahmat dari Allah.In Shaa Allah selagi diri ini masih dipinjamkan nyawa,takkan terputus doa untuk arwah :") 

I hope all is well.Me n abang semangat belajar kat tempat masing2 & abah will be fine at home n selalu bersemangat utk kerja :') Both abah & abang are two important persons in my life.Arwah mama pon orang yang penting dalam hidup ini.Tanpa mama siapalah aku.

Ok,signed off before nangis.

Assalamualaikum !

 

Subhanallah ..Lama sungguh tak menaip entri baru :') Im back ! Im not sure Ive been neglecting this blog for how many months but during that period of time , I had experienced so many things .. Sometimes, I gained something and sometimes I lost . The great loss in my life is when Allah took away my beloved mother. Everything happened too fast that I wished for a time machine so that i can turn back time and living that life again , when my late mother is still alive .

Arwah is a good mother, very loveable that i felt like dying when I first knew her death . On that 'day' , I knew that something unpleasant would happen. My heart beat was not at its normal rate,beating so fast that I was short in breath . She called me that morning and told me that she was on her way to nearest medical centre for her health check up and a regular answer came out from my mouth 'Oh okay ma' . I was so busy at that time,and was running out of time for my last revision before sitting for final examination 

Later in the afternoon, I called her . 10 missed calls and I still got no answers ..only Allah knows how worried I was at that time . I continued to call her for many times but she didnt seem to pick up any of my calls. I tried to calm myself and whispered to my mind that nothing bad would happen . 'Mama might just fall asleep and later she will call you back' and with that i headed to toilet . I cried in the toilet in the midst of taking my bath because that's so not my mom ! Right after finished taking my bath , I rushed to my room and called Abah . Abah was still at his school at that time and he went back home upon hearing what I said to him about Mama .  30 mins later I called abah again and how happy I was at that time to hear mom's voice . But I wasnt able to have a long talk with her on the phone . Not even 2 mins and she hang up . I cried again . This is what she told me when I asked her why she didnt pick up my calls 'Mama letih adik,ok lah mama letih sangat2 ni tak larat nak cakap' . I cried that evening and I kept that as a secret from my friends . 

7.30 pm . I called my mom again . And as expected, no answers . Right after i called her , I received a phone call from abang . He told me that Mama was in comma and lost her consciousness. I was shocked . Why ? What exactly has happened ? I cried and negative thoughts racing through my mind . I tried to ignore all those thoughts and continued to perform solat hajat , praying to Allah that my mom will gain consciousness . I think I had lost my mind that night when I prayed to Allah to give back my mom  if He already took her away . Astaghfirullahal'azim .. I cried in my sujud . I cried very hard that night that I almost lost my voice . That night was my busiest night ever, my phone was never silent from phone calls from Abah and Abang . And when I asked them about mama's condition , i would get the same answer 'Mama,tak sedar lagi ' and only Allah can tell how the answer hurts me . Right after performing solat hajat for X times, I went to get my Quran and recite Yasin for several times until i got a phone call from Abah. I knew that something was not right when He told me to get a flight ticket for me to go back home that night ! I cried ! I begged Abah and asked him to tell me the truth but he didnt seem to blurt any single word that related to 'death' . And I was ultimate sad when I could not find any ticket flight as all of em have been sold out . I cried again ! Then abah told me to calm down as he already had another plan which was plan B; So that night I experienced a very long travel accompanied by sorrow and sadness. I couldn not sleep that night . Abang was right beside me,holding my hands tightly . 

7.00 am the next day .I reached at my home. So many people that I could not trace where my father was at that time when he was already in front of me. I cried ! Abah hugged me and he brought me to see my mom . Allahu . I burst into tears . My heart was torn into pieces. I went to sit next beside her covered body . At that time, I just realized that my mom was no longer alive . She has been taken away by Allah . In tears, I reached for Yasin .....

Since that moment,Allah has made me to become a better human being that I think I would never be one . He might take away someone who means a lot to me , but He gives me something that I never imagined to have . Dear mama, I may no longer be able to see you in this world , to touch you , to hug you and to kiss you but the happiest moment in my life is when you appeared in my dream,smiling to me . That's more than enough. Allah SWT wanna tell me that you are doing well 'there' In Sha Allah :')

Love,

Your Daughter