Interview with Bev Thompson. 22 Jan 2014 5:36 AM (11 years ago)

By Bella Vendetta.

(This post was originally posted on bellaregretta.tumblr.com)

When I was a fresh faced barely legal punk rock chick living in NY I was lucky enough to meet Master R and Madame Sang from La Domaine Esemar, which was then and still is the oldest, and some would say finest BDSM training chateau in the entire world. It sits in the hills of upstate NY as a very private establishment. I did an extensive training there as a Professional Dominatrix and have since travelled and worked in dungeons all across America. The chateau still remains a huge and very important part of My life, so when owner Master R informed Me that we had a documentary filmmaker (he called her a Documentrix) filming day to day life in the household I was of course intrigued. Beverly Thompson, a self proclaimed feminist and assistant anthropology teacher at Sienna College has really become a part of all of our lives there, so I thought it was about time to turn the cameras on her and ask some hard hitting questions about her past project “Covered” a documentary about heavily tattooed women, her new project being filmed at La Domaine, and her upcoming book.

Bella Vendetta: so is it weird for you to be on camera after filming other people for so long?

Bev Thompson: I try not to be weird about it because I have to make the other people comfortable so, I have to at least be comfortable. I have to submit to the same process I make other people do, I’d be a hypocrite if not.

BV: But, you’re in your own movie “Covered” which I just watched, and you seemed pretty comfortable. You even had your mom in it

BT: Yah, well, it’s my story, so I think of my participants and myself, it’s like this chorus all singing the same song and telling the same story so I think my story shoul be in there as well.

BV: What was the reaction like to your particular story?

BT: Well, I think the craziest story is that my father still doesn’t know that I have tattoos. Now as the project becomes more public I worry about that

BV: What are you gonna do if he finds out not from you telling him, from like, a newspaper article or something? Would he freak out?

BT: Yah, I probably don’t wanna think about that.

BV: Like, disown you freak out?

BT: No, he would just be disappointed, in a quiet way

BV: what stops you from telling him?

BT: he just hates tattoos. He hates them. He notices them and he’ll be like “look at that person over there, what the hell is wrong with them?”

BV: So you wear long sleeves around him?

BT: yah

BV: Do you still wear long sleeves at your job when you’re teaching?

BT: Yah

BV: what was the classes reaction when they found out that you’re heavily tattooed under your long sleeves?

BT: They’re surprised, sometimes they are gasping and shocked. They have a moment where they can’t reconcile that this is their teacher. I mean people don’t assume that you’re hiding tattoos under your suits

BV: So, this crop of students you have right now probably haven’t seen your movie so they don’t know you’re tattooed.

BT: Right.

BV: So is that part of the reason why you wear long sleeves, or does it have something to do with the administration of the school you work at, and the way they want you to look?

BT: I’m working on the chapter in my book right now on employment discrimination, and I think one of the things that’s different between professional employment and service industry where your very controlled by your employer is that it doesn’t have to be stated, there doesn’t need to be a policy but you just know that to fit into this culture this is the way that you need to look, you need to look like everyone else. And I think especially as junior faculty we’re very insecure about fitting in and becoming a professor, we feel really insecure about the title, so we overemphasize that kind of conservative look. And then, you know my father was also a college professor, and so when I think of a college professor I think of my father.

BV: And you have a tattoo of your father?

BT: Right, I have a portrait of my father on my back, and that’s ironically one of the tattoos that could accidentally pop out of my shirt. So when I’m at his house I have to think about my back, and my neck all the time

BV: Oooh, maybe you did that subconsciously. So who is that tattoo by?

BT: Telisa Swan, she’s in Moscow, Idaho now, but she’s an amazing portrait artist. http://www.swanfamilyink.com/artists

BV: Do you have pieces by many artists, or do you have one specific person you go to for all your work?

BT: I have tattoos from many artists, but they are all women.

BV: So do you travel around to find them?

BT: making the movie I got a lot of tattoos, because I was already travelling around and being around the tattoo culture so much so it was only natural to get tattooed by a lot of my participants. They’re all amazing artists that I really admire and I was happy to get tattooed by them.

BV: So, back to school…you are currently doing a documentary on La Domaine Esemar (www.ladomaine.com) which is a BDSM training chateau in upstate NY, did the school give you permission or a grant, or do they even know about it?

BT: yah, so I have to file for permission with Institutional review Board, and so their job is to protect the confidentiality of participants and to make sure that I have a good consent form. But sometimes that is used overtly as a way to repress certain research that is unpopular.

BV: So is that what they did with this project, were they thrilled that you wanted to do a documentary about sex workers?

BT: Well, that’s hearsay. They were very professional in using their official excuses, and so it would be hearsay for me to say otherwise, but it took six months, and I think that’s excessively long for a research project.

BV: was it that way when you were doing the tattoo project?

BT: No, but this La Domaine project is a full review, so that takes a long time to get approval, whereas “covered” was an expedited review because being heavily tattooed isn’t such a stigmatizes status as being in the sex industry.

BV: So, how did you come to La Domaine, how did you decide you wanted to do this project?

BT: I found La Domaine’s website because I was teaching a class called sociology of deviant behavior, and I dropped them a line and asked if they wanted to be speakers at my class, and Master R invited me over for coffee and to meet them. As soon as I came here I just said hey maybe I could make a movie about you guys, you guys are really interesting, and he thought it was a great idea.

BV: He said yes right away, which is really rare. So when he first told me about you, and that you’d be here filming me I generally would have had a million questions before I even agreed but he seemed so comfortable about it that I just said ok, she can film whatever she wants.

BT: That’s great. I mean that’s the thing about making documentaries, is it’s about relationships, you’re building a relationship, so when you see a really great movie it’s because the filmmaker had that intimacy with the participants that they would be that open. It’s astounding sometimes that people can be so open.

BV: How long do you think you’re going to keep filming this?

BT: A long time. Once it’s completely saturated, it will come to a natural end.

BV: Is it your first experience with the kink world, or were you involved in your personal life?

BT: I took this great class called sex in the city, at New School, in New York City, and that was all about going out into the city and exploring sexual underworld in new york city, and taking field notes. The teacher of that class had done a lot of that kind of work, documenting the sex world in new york city, so then I explored the S&M place in the city, did some workshops, went to Paddles, and attended some events. I remember one day, a group of my classmates went to the cock, in NYC, and I don’t even think there was a womens bathroom so we were not used to such a place, and we would have to walk by all these men having sex trying to find a toilet. I brought my roommate with me who was a law student at NYU, and she had brought her friend, another law student at NYU, and my roommate ended up having sex with this really hot lesbian who walked in, and we were just so awkward just sitting there between all these men having sex, and I was sitting there and there was this man standing there and this guy gets on his knees to suck his cock and he turns to me and says “smile”

BV: Did you?

BT: No, that was probably when I went to get some air. But I really enjoyed that class, and there was 30 people taking that class and we would get together every week and compare notes. SO I really feel like I was specifically trained to do ethnography aimed at the sexual underground.

BV: This is your first project you’re working on by yourself in the sex industry?

BT: yes

BV: Will there be more?

BT: yes, I hope so, I would love to

BV: Has it been different than you thought it would be, getting to know professional Dominas?

BT: Yeah, I’ve been hanging out here for about a year so it’s been a huge learning experience and a huge growth for me. The first time I came here I wanted to run away.

BV: Why?

BT: it was just too much, too quick, it was like my second visit and I didn’t know what to expect at all, and I’d never been to a place like this before, it’s much different than a public club, where you just pay a door fee and anyone can go in. it’s just super intense, being around people who are being sexual is super intense, and I wanted to run away.

BV: But you were too intrigued so you had to come back?

BT: Right, and I just told myself, do you realize how silly you would be if you asked these people if you could come make a movie and then you ran out the door. I told myself to just enjoy feeling this uncomfortable because this is not gonna last.

BV: So, you don’t feel uncomfortable being around the dungeon anymore?

BT: No, I’m completely comfortable, but it took a year. And I told myself I better just savour that discomfort, because it was because everything is new, you lose that when your around here, you forget what it’s like to see this place through fresh eyes.

BV: is this project going to be part of your story too? Or are you just documenting what goes on here?

BT: I would love to write a book or articles or something like that, and so through writing I could really tell my version of the story. But I’m not in front of the camera a lot so it would be hard to add myself to it. I mean I could add narration or interview myself at home or something reflective back on the process, I’ll certainly wanna include myself in some way. I think it’s the most responsible thing for writers or for documentary people is to discuss why they got involved in the project in the first place, and I think that’s any audiences first question too, why are you doing this?

BV: Do you have a good answer for that? Whenever anyone asks me why I’m involved in the sex industry it’s never a cut and dry answer and it’s always hard for me to get it out of my mouth.

BT: Well for this project absolutely yah. Because Master R and I had that immediate comfort with each other and that he would say yah you can make a movie here, how can you possibly pass that kind of opportunity up. I had to do it because, to have that access is amazing. And it’s really fun for me to be here too, and I just really enjoy the people here, these are the people I want to be around.

BV: Do you feel that by doing this project you have become part of the sex industry yourself?

BT: Yah I guess so.

BV: Does that make you feel weird? Is that the first time anyone has called you a sex worker by proxy?

BT: Only here, but the thing is that I’ve thought about the sex industry a lot, my whole life, I started getting into feminist theory when I was 14, and I was brining these stacks of books home. And also I started having sex really young and so at that point it seemed like getting involved in the sex industry could be something that young naïve me could get swindled into it. So I had to be very adamant about you do not do that, ya know. That’s been my attitude, that’s not something I would do and I’ve been kind of anti sex industry as far as my feminist development in the past. I mean, just like, why does this exist in a feminist world, or something like that. SO now, I have to reevaluate all of that and think about that. I’ve decided that now I’m in a completely different stage of my life, because I’m not a 13 year old girl and I can make different decisions and I can even change my mind.

BV: What do you think now of feminism and sex workers and why these things exist?

BT: well, I think it certainly does exist and it’s such a huge social phenomenon, I don’t think my ideas about what should happen have changed. I certainly have always thought that ;prostitution should be legal, because I feel that keeping it illegal really disempowers women, women are just more targeted by that stuff, I’ve always thought that kind of stuff should be legal. I guess I just see the distinction of the different levels, that you can’t make any kind of blanket statements, and that the sex industry is so incredibly big and diverse that some women are being oppressed and living in this disempowered way, and plenty of people have a great story and they are just living a life that they choose and they don’t deal with those kinds of issues. But yes, it’s made me a lot more open minded.

BV: so, since this is for a tattoo magazine, let’s talk about your tattoos for a while. You’re covered in snakes, tell me about that.

BT: I was born in the Chinese year of the snake, so I identify with that part of my zodiac, and I also have pet snakes and I always liked snakes, I think they’re cool animals. So I have two snakes from Emma Griffiths http://emmagriffithstattoo.com/, that’s my latest one.

BV: With plans for more snakes in the future?

BT: Probably, I still have all my legs to do, I wanna get the outside of my legs done, I have a full backpiece, right now I have half sleeves, I’d love to get full sleeves, but I’d love to keep some naked parts.

BV: So you’re going to keep it so you can wear a suit and be secretly tattooed.

BT: Yah, I don’t wanna get anything soon that’s visible like hands or neck. The neck doesn’t appeal to me but the hands I love. Hand tattoos totally appeal to me.

BV: It’s a totally different ballgame when you have visible tattoos, it changes the whole ballgame.

BT: Yah, and I can’t handle that, that’s why I wouldn’t wanna do it, I can’t take the constant attention. I have to be able to hide from that, I’m very sensitive to it, I hate it, and I don’t want to ever be in a situation where I can’t protect myself from the stares.

BV: Well, don’t hang out with me too much

BT: No, it’s great to have the stares deflected.

BV: I forget a lot, because I hang out with so many heavily modified people, and then when we go in public I’m like, oh yah look at us we’re a bunch of freaks to most of the world.

BT: That’s actually exactly what my book is fighting against it’s to promote tattoo acceptance.

BV: So when is this book coming out and what is it called?

BT: it’s called “Covered women, the social stigma of ink” and it will be coming out in two years by NYU press.

BV: Is there a launch date for the La Domaine Esemar documentary?

BT: No, not yet, I’m hoping within two years. But there’s two projects really, one is the actual movie, and one will be short web episodes that will be on the youtube channel, and vimeo, and those are anywhere from one to ten minutes and those come out on a rolling basis.

BV: I think I asked you this the other day, but would you ever consider releasing an X rated version of the actual sessions and things you’ve been able to film?

BT: I haven’t actually filmed anything X rated

BV: The other day you did! That was X rated!

BT: Ok….yah. I do try to cut out any actual penetration from the movie, there might be penetration going on but I don’t show it. At this time I’d say no because my aim is to be more educational.

BV: How do you feel about educational porn movies?

BT: That would be the tactic to convince me.

BV: Mental note taken.

BT: As long as there’s an educational component to it, but the thing is the material shouldn’t be too explicit because I am also trying to aim towards a non kinky audience and to be able to explain to a general audience what’s going on so too much explicit content is going to be a barrier to that kind of thing. But I’ve also seen some S&M documentaries or documentaries about sex workers that have too little sex in them.

BV: I usually feel that way. How do you really know what a Dominatrixes daily life is unless you see a whole scene, which isn’t always X rated either. But anyway, that’s it for me for this interview, let’s go film something X rated.

Bella Vendetta is an award winning adult film star, professional Dominatrix, fashion designer, tattoo collector and journalist from Western, MA. You can find out more about her by visiting www.BellaVendetta.com

All photos are by Dastardly Dave, www.dastardlydave.com

Beverly Thompson’s tattoos: half sleeves by Emma Griffiths, backpiece by Sofia Estrella, with other added work by Telisa Swan and Leslie Mah

please check out Bev’s work at: http://www.snakegirl.wordpress.com

And http://ladomaineesemarthemovie.wordpress.com/

Interview with Chuck Wendig & Stephen Blackmoore. 15 Aug 2013 5:21 AM (11 years ago)

BY LELA GWENN.

Chuck Wendig is one of those writers you would hate if he wasn’t so darn nice. His books manage to be both dark and charming at the same time. If you are a writer and you aren’t visiting www.terribleminds.com, then what are you waiting for?

Stephen Blackmoore is a bit of a mystery. A writer of supernatural noir and His twisted sense of humor makes him a must follow on Twitter.

Both of these wonderful gentleman agreed to a bit of theater: What if we asked male authors the questions that are generally reserved for female ones? What if, instead of questions about books we focused on the character of the writer, his figure and his family?

WHACK: So Chuck, I know you have a toddler at home. What are you doing to deal with your Post baby body?

Chuck Wendig: I…I feed it tacos. You know I wasn’t the pregnant one, right?

W: Stephen, Do you feel pressure to have children before it’s too late?

Stephen Blackmoore: My species procreates by asexual budding three, four times a day. So at this point it’s a real struggle to not give in to those “baby urges” or, in my case, “cloned nightmare terrors of unimaginable evil urges”. But with the right diet, the freshly churned souls of the damned, I should be able to stave that off for another few centuries at least. It also helps that I devour my critics feet first after unhinging my jaw like a snake so they can get the full experience of slowly being eaten alive. Because I’m a giver.

W: Chuck your books are sorta racy. You are known for your potty mouth and books that feature characters that are well I’ll just say “easy” and lots of violence. What do you think your children will say about that?

CW: Well. My kind right now says “choo-choo” a lot, so, probably that.

W: But in reality you have a sort of ho-hum, boring life with a wife and a kid and a dog. Do you think you are living a vicariously slutty life through your characters?

CW: I am, yes. Who told you that? I just want to be a big manslut!

Chuck Wendig.

W: Stephen, you are pretty private about your home life but I know you do a lot of events at bars in LA. It’s safe to assume you aren’t living the life of the chaste and pure.

SB: I am, actually. I live in an underground bunker with my wife and two dogs and we make only occasional forays into the radioactive wasteland of Los Angeles for supplies. There’s not much time to party when you’re fighting off packs of ravenous mutants who want to use your head as a bongo drum.

W: You both have ….interesting… characters populating your books. Would you be friends with those people?

CW: No. God, no. Do I have to be? Is that a requirement? Shit.

SB: Most of my characters are assholes. They’re either narcissists or psychopaths. So, you know, pretty much all just me. And I hate myself. So, no, I wouldn’t be their friend. And you shouldn’t either. Seriously, they’re jerks. Just like I am.

Stephen Blackmoore.

W: Your beard gets a lot of attention. Do you ever feel like you are using your beard to get people to pay attention to you?

CW: Yes. I exploit my beard like a Bangladeshi climate change refugee. My beard makes Apple iPhones. It is a lush, rich, robust beard and I work it, work it. I twerk it, twerk it. EYES UP HERE, LADIES. Jeez. The female gaze, am I right?

W: Now Stephen, there aren’t a lot of photos out there of you. Is there a reason for that? Is that a statement about not wanting to be judged by your looks?

SB: I actually have no looks. I died in 1847 in a freak goat / train accident and am now nothing but a shade who roams the moors wailing in the fog and lamenting all those lost goats ground beneath the wheels of the train, their bleating like the cries of burning children and pain so much pain and horror and the blood everywhereohgodsomuchblood and THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BRINGING UP THAT PAINFUL MEMORY.

W: How do you balance writing and touring with out feeling like you are abandoning your family?

CW: I basically just abandon them because, as a father, I am expected to make the money but also be a jerk so on the rare occasion I am seen with my child in public I can be called a hero and high-fived for basically not being a completely absent figure.

W: From the outside you seem really disconnected from the world. Don’t you want a family?

SB: Though it’s true that I’m disconnected from much of the world, mostly because of limitations in my programming that require that I not interact with anything outside my 3'x3’ box for at least 15 hours every day, family is extremely important to me. Family is key to a healthy, happy life. Because really, who better to frame for a triple homicide in Reno while strung out on trucker meth than someone who has an almost exact genetic profile?

W: What makes you feel pretty?

CW: Wigs, Lee Press-On nails, and a very special sundress.

SB: I like to pamper myself by trying on different looks by hunting people down and wearing their skins like a suit.

W: Ideal relaxation day?

CW: Hunting deer. Or a spa day. Or hunting deer at the spa. Some combination of “deer” and “spa.”

SB: Orchestrating an elaborate museum heist full of close calls, double-crosses and a good montage, preferably with a Bon Jovi soundtrack.

Credit for this idea must go to Brett Sandusky, who when I asked for interview questions on Twitter replied “How biggs are them canz?” 34 C, Mr. Sandusky. 34 C.

Chuck Wendig’s site terribleminds.com

Stephen Blackmoore’s site stephenblackmoore.com

Interview by Lela Gwenn, follow her on Twitter @LGwenn

And make sure to follow @WhackMagazine aswell!

Please Help Us #changeBrazil We´re at 9gag, please vote us up... 16 Jun 2013 4:21 PM (11 years ago)

Please Help Us #changeBrazil

We´re at 9gag, please vote us up in there - http://9gag.com/gag/aKzwogj/

Interview with James Darling. 14 Jun 2013 2:27 PM (11 years ago)

LOVE ABBY. 14 May 2013 8:13 AM (11 years ago)

Support - Female Fighter Project. 27 Apr 2013 4:54 AM (11 years ago)

WHACK! Magazine supports the Female Fighter Project and so should you!

We cover all kinds of things here on WHACK! with a tendency to focus on sex and pornography at times. But if you follow our tiny rag here, you will know we’ve featured interviews with Larry Clark, Dave Navarro and a host other people outside of porn or anything sex-related.

One thing we have wanted to get our hands dirty with for a while has been Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), but we just haven’t been able to find the right project to cover og give our support to(?) because, you know, we are kind of a bunch of hipster snobs here.

But now we finally get the chance to back an awesome project about MMA, that’s artsy, edgy and fits right into what WHACK! is about “making lesser-seen art known to an mainstream audience”

Female Fighter Project has a beautiful site that features amazing photography and great interviews with female Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu players, Muay-Thai boxers and Mixed Martial Artists from around the world. Scroll further down to read more about Female Fighter Project, follow them on all the socialmedia websites, visit the über cool site itself and DONATE!

And last but not least; if you are in or around San Francisco, Saturday, July 6th, 2013 - go check out “Female Fighter Project Show”
Photobooth SF
1193 Valencia St
San Francisco, CA 94110
(415) 824-1248

Help out in supporting an amazing project!

About Shawn Tamaribuchi, from the site Liar Photo:

“Shawn Tamaribuchi

“Fighting has become my spiritual connection to the world. I grew up very religious and between that and soccer, these were the space I found community and connected with people. Fighting creates these visceral bounds between people, communal empathy and understanding. It’s my meditation that gets me out of my head and opens my heart.”

Shawn Tamaribuchi holds a BA in Photography / Digital Media from Scripps College, and has completed studies at the Glasgow School of Art. For the past six years she has worked in the commercial and performing arts worlds. Her previous film, an animation short called Kenn’s Dream, screened at the Mad Cat Women’s International Film Festival and is included in the Asian American Media curriculim at Bryn Mawr College. She is currently a producer at Pink & White Productions, purveyors of LGBT, feminist, adult cinema. Her primary interests reside in the realm of digital-media and experimental art, and her performances and visual work has been seen locally, nationally, and internationally. Just some of the projects Shawn has been involved with include: The 24hourshow art collective, the Visibility Project, twincest, and Readjust Economies of Desire. Shawn is occasionally invited to lecture at universities and festivals about the politics of representation through the lenses of feminist, queer, and racial theories.

“I am really interested in body fluids as methods of transmission, physical dialogs that take place between bodies. Each one carries meaning on a personal level as well as a means of archiving interactions of the body and its surroundings.”
-Interview with Aorta Magazine (formerly known as Art XX Magazine)

From the site liarphoto.com  About: ”In 2010 Shawn Tamaribuchi embarked on an international quest to visit and train with some of the best female fighters in the world sharing, in her words, “bruises, blood, and friendship.” The former pro mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter travelled from San Francisco to Rio de Janeiro and Tokyo with three Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gis, two pairs of Muay Thai gloves, mouth pieces, rash guards, shin pads, head gear, and a very heavy Hasselblad 500c camera with a stash of 120mm film. Tamaribuchi was committed to fight and photograph.“

The Faixa Pretas portrait series from her ongoing Female Fighter Project represents the female Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belts with whom she met on her travels. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a martial art of Japanese techniques expanded and adapted in Brazil in the early 1900s, continues to grow as an international sport with both male and female fighters. It emphasizes that a physically smaller, weaker person can defend themselves against a larger opponent through technique and ground fighting. Fighters such as Megumi Fujii holds god-like status in the MMA world with an amazing record regardless of gender. And yes, she’s small – with with a firm stance and a playful smile. In these portraits there are bodies – younger, older, smaller, and bigger than you might expect.

In an interview with Tamaribuchi MMA fighter Lana Stefanac said, “Often times, the perception of a female fighter is one of an angry woman, likely a victim turning into a victimizer. This could not be farther from the truth, although, many women that describe themselves as ‘fighters’ are almost always survivors.” These portraits convey strength, resolve, and joy framed by the ropes of boxing rings, athletic mats, and cages. As Tamaribuchi met colleagues, heroes, idols, mentors, and up-and-coming Female Fighter Project stars, her inner fan was only squelched by getting the wind knocked out of her in practice. She also faced tough decisions: “shoot or train?” The intimacy and respect that emanate from these images are proof that she did both.  – Sita Bhaumik”

Female Fighter Project Art Shows & Sponsorships“I am super proud to announce not one, but two art shows the Female Fighter Project is a part of! I am going to be busting my ass to complete 14 prints framed and gallery ready in the next few weeks. I am almost half way done, but still have a lot of the way to go spending most of my weekends in the photo center developing film, scanning, retouching, printing, mounting and framing each piece. I have got some new never seen before work plus some BIG pieces I am very excited about. I am also looking for sponsors to help me out with the cost of producing this work. Any amount is deeply appreciated plus I got some nifty prizes for those who can give a little more.”

SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES

White Belt: $5-10

Blue Belt: $20-50
Twitter shout out & Facebook post.

Purple Belt: $100
Link on thank you page.
Twitter shout out & Facebook post.

Brown Belt: $250
Footer link for 1 year.
Small print (~12×12″).
5 posters.
Link on thank you page.
Twitter shout out & Facebook post.

Black Belt: $500
20×20″ print.
Footer link for 1 year.
Link on thank you page.
Twitter shout out & Facebook post.

Red Belt: $1000
30×30 print of your choice.
A personalized video thank you.
Footer link for 1 year.
Link on thank you page.
Twitter shout out & Facebook post.

Visit site: liarphoto.com

Follow on Twitter: @liarphoto

Like on Facebook: Female Fighter Project

Follow on Tumblr: Liar Photo

And Instagram: Liar Photo

Most important! Visit paypal and donate to this amazing project!

BDSM: IMHO - SSC (and RACK): What is "Safe"? 16 Apr 2013 2:08 PM (12 years ago)

From the moment you take your first baby steps into BDSM, you’re likely to hear the acronym SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) a lot. You may also be familiar with RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), which takes a slightly different flavor, but holds the same concepts dear. In this essay series, I’ll go deeper into the whats, whys, and hows of the different elements of SSC (plus RACK), accented by opinions from some of the grooviest perverts I know. Please add your views to mix in the comments, too. We can never have enough input from enough people where guiding principals of kink are concerned.

SSC & RACK

Most everyone in kink says the acronyms, but what do they mean? How do they relate to your practice of BDSM? Why are a few letters so important?

“I’m a big fan of RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) because I think it’s more accurate to say that what we do is not necessarily Safe but we choose to make it safe by being aware of the dangers involved in BDSM.” “Safety is enacted with the awareness that danger is sexy, but that harm is not.” ~ Soma Snakeoil

*please note: Complete comments by BDSM panelists, as well as bio and links, can be found and the end of the article.*

I couldn’t agree more with Soma. RACK has one important improvement in nuance over SSC, acknowledging the variable nature of kink. When one takes a hard look at most BDSM practices, who’s to say what is ‘safe’ or safe enough to reach the bar? How aware must one be of risk to qualify? We must accept that much of what we do is considered unsafe, by its very nature. This is why healthy respect for potential for harm is so critical.

What are the principal risks we should be aware of?

Potential for physical harm:

“Knowledge is important when engaging in any play that has an increased possibility of resulting in physical harm. If you’re using a cattle prod and your partner has a pacemaker, you better damned well be familiar with any increased medical risks, given the players’ personal health, and be able to accurately answer your partner’s questions regarding those risks.” ~ Ela Darling

I couldn’t say it any more succinctly and down to earth. What we do is (or at least can be) inherently dangerous. Acknowledging this should never be an issue. Rather, it’s something we should pride ourselves for doing, not with swaggering outlaw bravado, but reasoned acceptance. People who have the wrong idea about kink–which is, sadly, a lot of them–hold their detrimental opinions, in part, because they think it’s crazy to want to do such dangerous activities with, seemingly, no consideration for the consequences. Being open and honest about the potential risks for harm, as well as how we mitigate them, neutralizes the argument and goes a long way toward helping those outside kink understand we’re not so crazy after all.

As a masochist, I’ve been treated to many a befuddled look when admitting it publicly. Most people outside the kink bubble don’t spend much time considering the fine distinctions between hurt and harm. They merely see two ways to express something unpleasant to be avoided at all costs. So, being one whose sexuality hard-wires me to want hurt, to ache to the core of my being for it, expressing the subtlety to others could mean the difference between a good and exceptionally bad situation. The chasm between hurt and harm is not something we can write off as semantics.

Hurt, to me, can be defined and a temporary sensation, from mild to extreme, that leaves no (unwanted) lasting marks or injury. Of course, some toys can leave significant welts and bruising in their wake but, even if the marks are deep and angry welts, they’re still temporary. For many of us, marks are a bit like souvenirs, a reminder of a good session and maybe something to show off to fellow aficionados. In some cases, we want to keep permanent marks, which is where the 'unwanted’ part comes in. While I may not wish to be scarred, others might (and do), and a scar isn’t harm if you wanted it.

Harm is a different matter. Like hurt, it comes in many forms, but is lasting and its effects and injuries can range from minor to deadly. Whether harm is intended is not relevant. One would hope all harm in BDSM is accidental. Mind you, that doesn’t excuse a damed thing. It is not enough to say, “This could be dangerous, so I’ll be careful.” Even something seemingly benign can cause harm under the wrong circumstances.

Let’s say you and your lover want to try some bondage. Have you asked yourself these questions: Do you know which materials are best to use? Know what pressure points and positions to avoid to prevent circulation issues? Know which knots to use to not create possibilities for nerve damage? Are you aware of how quickly a submissive in peril can come to harm, possibly death, if left alone in bondage? Do you (as Jay Wiseman wisely suggests) have a pair of EMT scissors at hand, in case of an emergency requiring a quick release?

Even a simple spanking isn’t so simple or safe, if you don’t know to avoid the coccyx bone or kidneys. Gagging can be deadly, if the sub has allergies. These are just a few examples of potential harm from a lack of basic information.

It may seem like a lot of ground to cover, just for a bit of bedroom kicks. Yet, it’s barely the training-wheels version of qualifying a dom for a situation where the safety of another is entirely in their hands. And, let’s remember, every bottom should vet their top and their knowledge/experience level, so the responsibility goes both ways. Like the signs at amusement parks, kink should have a firm 'you must be at least this knowledgeable about BDSM safety and risk-management to ride this fetish’ policy. It may sound extreme, but zero tolerance for cavalier kink play is the only acceptable choice. As any advocate of RACK can tell you, if you don’t understand the risks, you’re not qualified to take them. Dangerous players have no place in the BDSM community.

Sorry newbies, that means you have to do a bit of observing before jumping in. I know you’re eager as hell to get your kinky groove on–we’ve all been there at one point–but basic learning is not optional. It can be fun and a great way to meet friends and mentors in kink, though. There are many excellent groups all over the world who host seminars, demonstrations, and discussions to start you off. (Links to resources for groups and education follow the article.) For those in less populated regions, who might not have easy access to in-person events, the internet can also be a great learning tool. In all cases, make sure to qualify who’s teaching, since charlatans exist in both cyber and meat-space. And, tops, once you’ve gotten your learning on, practice with something other than someone else’s body. Your future partners will thank you (and spare you from being tagged a 'dangerous player’).

Potential for emotional harm

“The one thing that I like about SSC is that in every BDSM scene the participants need to be aware of the emotional safety of their partner. The love, kink and sex games we play have the potential to be damaging to either the Top or the bottom. Any sexual experience can be complex. If you add some crazy outfits, power exchanges and needles, knives or whips…eroticism becomes even more emotionally charged. So in a sense the responsibility we have for our partner’s emotional safety grows exponentially.” ~ Soma Snakeoil

“I think it’s important to discuss the personal emotional triggers of your partner before you play. If you choose to cross those lines together, that’s up to you and your partner, but in my opinion, it’s irresponsible to not discuss subjects that may be emotionally harmful to one another if you might tread upon triggering ground. That may include any number of things, and it’s up to each individual party to communicate the subjects which are taboo for them and how far they’re willing to push their own boundaries.” ~ Ela Darling

In the world of kink, particularly in D/s situations, the potential for harm is not limited to the physical realm. We can delve into some serious emotional issues while in the midst of power exchange. In many cases, emotional impact is a desired outcome. Many submissives utilize BDSM as an effective means of addressing deeper issues, using the safe space of kink to explore fears and limits which have been problems in their life and relationships. So, it stands to reason, there is no room for unsafe practices from an emotional standpoint.

If you have reservations about revealing your emotional soft underbelly to a potential partner, playing with them anyway is a terrible idea. Even in a situation that starts out as play-only, top/bottom physical stimulation can easily mission-creep into D/s headspace. Something so small as a what a top might call a bottom in-scene could have a detrimental impact, if that recalls a harmful subject.

For example, my ex (a big fan of emotional abuse) used to like to call me a 'stupid bitch’ and 'lying whore’. These epithets were part of a focused campaign to destroy my self-worth and, when pointed at me, can bring on black moods of self-doubt for days after. So, The Boss knows the words 'bitch’ and 'whore’ can cause me distress and avoids them. This, admittedly, is not a terribly virulent trigger, comparatively speaking. But, it dredges up dark memories I’d rather stay in the distant past.

The important thing is he knows what might trigger harmful reactions, because I trusted him enough to share that information. Just as importantly, we didn’t indulge in BDSM play until our relationship was on solid enough footing to have built that trust. I’m not talking about life-partner level trust, but at least a few dates’ worth of familiarity to feel comfortable talking openly about emotional issues.

How can one be safer emotionally?

The best prevention for emotional harm is openness and complete honesty. As someone who led discussions of BDSM abuse survivors groups, I’ve seen the harm that can come from a lack of vigilance in protecting emotional health in-scene. The potential for ongoing damage is just as great as in the physical realm, only more dangerous. If the dominant doesn’t see the harm, they can’t very well avoid it, and can keep inadvertently pouring more fuel on the fire.

So who, ultimately, is responsible for emotional well-being?

“Given my personal background, it would be irresponsible for me as a sub to engage in a D/s scenario in which the Dom insulted my size or made remarks about my weight, as I have a personal history of rough times with my body image that I must take into account as being highly impactful for me. Something that may have no lasting impact for someone else could trigger a series of personal responses in myself that are harmful and unhealthy. It would be unfair for me to disregard that if the Dom’s actions might have a lasting impact on me that leads to future self-harm outside of our consensual interactions.

"That said, I don’t think it’s irresponsible to cross personal boundaries as long as all parties are aware of the gravity of the situation and may gauge their responses based on adequate knowledge of their partners.” ~ Ela Darling

Ela says the plain truth better than I’ve ever heard it expressed. Every submissive is responsible for their own emotional safety before engaging with a dominant. As the ones who know our histories and potential pitfalls best, it’s up to us to act to curb any potential for harm. Staying mum and hoping nothing goes wrong is not being responsible for ourselves and, as Ela correctly states, unfair to our partners.

We are submissives, not children, so cannot expect our dominants to be the grown-ups if we fail to do so.

The only sure way to prevent emotional harm is a good dose of informed consent. We need to trust our partners to help us address our issues without enflaming them. To do that, we can’t hold back information, no matter how personal or potentially embarrassing, about what might cause an adverse reaction. If we do, they could unknowingly step over the line, which is harmful to their emotional health, as well.

Emotional safety isn’t just important for submissives

“As a Dom, it would be crushing to me to touch on an unintentionally hurtful subject for my sub that led them down a harmful path.” ~ Ela Darling

“As a Dominant, safety for me means hyper vigilance to the emotional and physical, and even at moments spiritual, well being of my bottom. But it also means I have the responsibility to keep myself well in scene too.” ~ Soma Snakeoil

Soma and Ela state simple truths, but ones which are not given nearly as much attention as they deserve in the general consciousness. The potential for emotional impact works both ways. Simply being the dominant partner doesn’t make one immune to the intangible aspects of BDSM.

Dominant is not a synonym of perfect.

Just because a dominant is the one in control, doesn’t mean they are de facto in a perpetual state of emotional well-being. We submissives can do our partners a grave disservice by assuming they have some sort of kink super-powers, merely based on the role they’ve chosen. Our partners are just as human as us, and just as capable of sustaining emotional wounds.

BDSM articles frequently expound at length about the myriad responsibilities of dominants and the potential for harm, should they fail to meet up to them. Yet, little copy is given to the equal responsibilities of submissives. There’s a damaging mythology that pervades pockets of the kink sphere, particularly in kink writing and videos, in which submissives are portrayed as powerless and incapable of taking care of themselves. Doms, conversely, are imagined as idealized figures who not only know exactly the right answer to everything, but are immune to emotional harm, as well as downright psychic about every possible trigger for their subs. Outside the obligatory nod to negotiation and safewords, no time is spent addressing the possibility that anyone has a single emotional issue that might be touched upon. The dom is expected to 'just know’ and, despite the context of wank fiction and online roleplaying, it’s a message too many actually buy into.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out these sorts of fantastical, wish-fulfillment notions of dominants have the potential for doing far more harm than good. If there’s one ultimate truth in BDSM, it’s that one must be firmly rooted in reality before they can safely indulge in fantasy. Our dominants are people, with the same possibility for emotional issues. To ignore the possibility they might have feelings, too, is to treat them as automatons, which is just as offensive as when it’s done to us.

A word about safewords

Though they’ve been covered to the moon and back again, I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a solid shout out to our good friends, the safewords. While in the media, you’ll usually hear it in the singular, every player should have at least two safewords. One safeword, the one we hear about most often, is the Stop word (sometimes 'red’), which immediately halts the scene. Another, the Slow (or 'yellow’) word is a request to slow down the activity, ease up a bit, but not stop. It’s a great means to take a small breather when things get a little too intense, but doesn’t interrupt the flow of a scene like a full stop. Another safeword I like the existence of is a Go (or 'green’) word, to ask for greater speed or intensity. Though it’s not really a safety matter, it’s a nice way to communicate a desire for greater stimulation with a new partner while they’re learning your limits. Partners can use these, plus any variety of other signals that suit your particular kinks. Bear in mind, if you’re not prone to role-play, you may not need specific code words, just an understanding that what is said is what’s meant. The point is to allow a bottom in peril a way to communicate it to their top; whatever way you choose to do that, so long as it’s done, serves the purpose.

Tops, remember that some bottoms would rather poke out their own eyes than safeword. Some subs can get so far into sub-space they don’t realize they can mentally take more than their body will allow. Don’t let the lack of a red word keep you from stopping a scene you think has gone far enough, or at least slowing down to assess the state of your bottom.

One other major safeword consideration is the possibility of gags or other impediments to speech. If a sub may have even the slightest possibility of not being able to communicate verbally, signals still need to be in place for safety. Establish safe-signs, or non-verbal cues for each safeword, which they’ll be able to easily do in whatever position they’ll be. Make sure to review the safe-signs, along with safewords, before every play session when the relationship is new.

What preparations should precede any BDSM play?

“Without trust, I can’t possibly feel safe with my partner, whether it’s bondage, S&M, or just plain vanilla sex; trust is implicit in any sexual encounter for me. Part of this, for me, is establishing hard and soft boundaries. For example "I absolutely am not comfortable with ____ and I’m iffy when it comes to ____ so take extra care and pay extra attention if you tread upon that subject/area.” For me, this also implies the agreement upon and respect of a safe word. Honestly, for all their purported faults, I find Kink.com’s list of potential topics/activities that models must fill out before a shoot to be very comprehensive when it comes to this aspect; one rates on a scale of 0-5 (if I recall) their comfort with a variety of possible activities, 0 being “don’t do this at all” and ranging through “I’d be disappointed if this didn’t occur” to “yes please!” essentially.“ ~ Ela Darling

In my opinion, absolutely no one should ever embark on any kink play with anyone else without:

• being open about expectations
• providing each other with a list along the lines of what Ela’s described above or at the least discussing any possible play activities, to compare interests and establish hard and soft limits (links to several online versions follow the article)
• informing each other about any potential triggers and emotional issues which could impact well-being in any way
• in cases of new partners, offering and checking references
• establishing experience/skill levels (as well as strengths/weaknesses)
• establishing not only a slow and stop safeword, but a safety protocol for various aspects of play and after-care
• spending time together outside the headspace of BDSM to develop familiarity as people before adopting D/s roles
• reviewing basic safety precautions (like health concerns, physical limitations, emergency protocols, etc.)

Safety outside the scene is important, too.

A common weakness in write-ups about BDSM safety is overlooking the reality of many people’s actual practice of kink. There’s often a tacit assumption that everyone is either an established couple or folks who met in a thriving kink scene where all participants are vetted by mutually-respected and sage elders. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have such a simple path to safely finding a new partner. What about everyone else?

First, we must acknowledge that, just because someone hasn’t been run out of the community on a rail, doesn’t make them automatically safe. An inconvenient truth of kink is that predators are not always outsiders. Kink is not immune to personality politics, and the right friends can polish even the worst reputations. One should never let the dazzle of popularity allow anyone a bye on due diligence. Even if someone is considered a respected member of the scene, they shouldn’t get a pass on scrutiny.

Demand references and check them. Absolutely no one worth being involved with will have any problem with providing references. If they do, consider the bullet dodged; don’t just walk away, RUN. And, don’t stop at the end of that list. If someone has skeletons in their closet, they’re not likely to show them to someone whose trust they’re trying to win. If possible, ask a few people you trust, too. To someone new to BDSM, this might seem nosy and intrusive, but it’s standard operating procedure for perverts and has been for as long as there’s been a community.

Don’t forget safety outside the 'scene’, too. We can’t skip the usual precautions we’d take on any other date with someone new. Being involved in a BDSM relationship adds to our personal responsibilities, it doesn’t replace them. So, when you’re chatting up that awesome new potential partner, don’t assume they’re immediately safer than non-kink folks just because they’re into BDSM. Kink isn’t a magic realm where all predatory behavior ceases.

Plenty of predators have been known to use BDSM to lure potential victims.

If we let ourselves fall prey to the fantastical scenarios of BDSM in cyber-space, we invite a world of potential dangers. Sure, it sounds awfully sexy to be swept off our feet by a dashing stranger. However, that’s probably what Ted Bundy’s victims thought, too. While it’s not quite as exciting to follow a laundry list of safety precautions, it rarely ends in tragedy.

Back in the day, when I was still single, a friend set me up on a blind date with a guy they’d known for years. He seemed nice at first, if a little over-eager. But, after a few dates, I decided he wasn’t someone I wanted to keep seeing. He, apparently, didn’t agree. For several weeks, he stalked me with every free moment. He left unhinged notes, written over drawings of knives stuck through hearts, dripping blood, and effectively scared the hell out of me. But, I was lucky and finally convinced him to leave me alone without any escalation. Friends who’ve been attacked or, in one case, forced to change their names and move out of state to avoid violent stalkers were not so fortunate.

I realized, then, that even someone people think they know might not be as safe as they appear. Most people consider casual acquaintances friends, afford them the same benefit of the doubt. While this is fine in groups, it might not be the best idea once one-on-one dating and sex are involved. After having a close call, though it was sometimes awkward, I practiced most of the same safety precautions with anyone I didn’t know well enough to have already invited into my home. What I found was, once dates knew why I exercised such caution, most understood and respected my feelings. The few who didn’t tended to reveal a host of entitlement and anger-management red flags in their objections. In essence, the safety steps became more than just a routine, they were the first test of whether a potential partner wasn’t worth my time. I’ve listed my old protocols below, since I think they’re still pretty useful. I hope you agree. Feel free to add your own in the comments, too.

Safe is sexy.

While one might never be exposed to harm by not actively addressing safety, it’s a bad idea to rely on sheer luck for protection. Taking precautions is the first and most important part of self-care, and shouldn’t be skipped frivolously. In the end, whether we have a safe and healthy kink community is up to each and every one of us.

Next time, we’ll be getting down and dirty with the second S of SSC, Sane. Until then … Play safe and play sexy, you fabulous perverts!

—

About the Author:

Mich Masoch is a writer, fetish and erotica photographer, designer, and lifelong pervert. With her husband and partner, Jimi King, she owns and runs Circus Hooker Smut Regime, an independent erotica production and design studio in Los Angeles, Ca. She has been a managing Board Member of a non-profit BDSM organization, planning educational events as well as leading discussion groups and introducing new members to the kink community.

She’s recently completed more installments of her Quick and Dirty Spanking and BDSM Fantasies short story series (available at Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, and other eBookstores), and is currently editing the first romance teaser novelette in her upcoming vampire fiction series, Blood Gods, as well as erotica short film scripts for upcoming CHS Regime projects. You can find links to her BDSM erotica short stories, photography work and updates, along with behind the scenes peeks of photo and video shoots, on her official site (MichMasoch.com), the CHS Regime site (CHSRegime.com), her Twitter (@MichMasoch), and Tumblr page (This Sexy Life).

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A few useful safety protocols:

• Don’t give out any information about your workplace.
• Don’t give a home address or enough information to figure out where you live, shop, hang out with friends, etc.
• Don’t give out a phone # which can be used to track down your home or work address.
• Don’t give out your last name, if it’s not already known.
• Don’t immediately 'friend’ them on Facebook or follow on other social networks.
• Always arrange to meet up for the first few dates, until you know them better.
• No matter how tempting it may be to jump the gun, never ever ever meet up with a stranger at their place, your place, a motel, etc. Even if they seem like the grooviest, sexiest human being on the planet, rushing into intimacy is courting danger. They’ll be just as amazing after a few dates, even more so, since some trust has been established.
• When meeting up, always arrive as early as possible before the arranged time. At the first meeting, let a bouncer, bartender, server, etc. know you’re on a blind date and are a little nervous about it (even if you’re not). Ask them if, should it become necessary, someone could walk you to your car.
• Don’t leave your personal belongings or drink unattended. Especially on a first date, imagine you’re chatting with someone who just strolled up, because your date is only one small step ahead of that stranger. Would you trust any random person in a bar with your wallet, keys, and drink? Drinks can be drugged. Keys can be taken or copied. Purses and wallets contain a wealth of personal information. Ladies, always take your purse with you. Guys, keep keys and wallets in your pockets, not your jacket.
• At the end of a date, avoid leaving at the same time. I used to say good-bye outside the front doors, then excuse myself to use the ladies’ room, telling my date to not worry about waiting. Don’t let a new date walk you to your car. Though this might sound strange, it won’t give a stranger your license plate number, which could be used to find your home address.
• Don’t go out to a date’s car, either. The reason you pick public places to meet, when first seeing someone, is the safety of the presence of others. Once you go out into a (probably dark) parking lot alone, you remove your safety.
• Make plans for the next meeting, but never leave the original location with a date, especially to somewhere private.
• When you leave, take a good look around to make sure your date has, indeed, left before you walk to your car.
• Always arrange a series of safe calls with a friend. Tell them who you’re with and any information you can about them. Then, either have them call you or give them times when you’ll call them to confirm all is well. Obviously, it’s crucial to remember to call if you’ve decided to be the caller or answer if you’re the callee.
• Bonus points, now that we all have cameras on our phones, if you snap a pic to 'show off’ your date. It’ll probably never be needed but, if your date does have nefarious intentions, a current photo taken and sent from your phone is invaluable protection.
• When you’re ready to get physical, try to make your first play sessions as safe and public as possible. Meet up at a local fetish event, dungeon night, or group gathering, if you can. Bonus points if you make sure a few good friends are on hand to check out your date and give you their impressions. While we might let ourselves be overwhelmed by new-relationship giddiness, friends won’t be so apt to overlook potential red flags.

This column’s BDSM panelists include:

Ela Darling

Bio: Former Reference Librarian Ela Darling transitioned out of the library and into her career performing in Lesbian, Fetish, and Bondage porn in 2009. She lives and fucks for a living in sunny Los Angeles, CA. :)

Ela online: official website: darlingela.com on Twitter: @ElaDarling

Safe (in a nutshell): "Safety” in a BDSM context requires trust, knowledge, communication, and a degree of personal familiarity with one’s partner.

Expanded comments: Safety in BDSM, to me, incorporates both Physical and Emotional elements. It requires trust, knowledge, communication, and a degree of personal familiarity with one’s partner.

Without trust, I can’t possibly feel safe with my partner, whether it’s bondage, S&M, or just plain vanilla sex; trust is implicit in any sexual encounter for me. Part of this, for me, is establishing hard and soft boundaries. For example “I absolutely am not comfortable with ____ and I’m iffy when it comes to ____ so take extra care and pay extra attention if you tread upon that subject/area.” For me, this also implies the agreement upon and respect of a safe word. Honestly, for all their purported faults, I find Kink.com’s list of potential topics/activities that models must fill out before a shoot to be very comprehensive when it comes to this aspect; one rates on a scale of 0-5 (if I recall) their comfort with a variety of possible activities, 0 being “don’t do this at all” and ranging through “I’d be disappointed if this didn’t occur” to “yes please!” essentially.

Knowledge is important when engaging in any play that has an increased possibility of resulting in physical harm. If you’re using a cattle prod and your partner has a pacemaker, you better damned well be familiar with any increased medical risks, given the players’ personal health, and be able to accurately answer your partner’s questions regarding those risks. In fact, if you’re using a device of any kind that may have increased adverse effects depending on your partner’s health, you should take initiative and run through the list of populations who may react more intensely/poorly to the effects of it. This is the responsibility of both the sub and the Dom, of course, but as far as I’m concerned, the Dom has a greater responsibility to look out for their sub in that way.

Finally, I think it’s important to discuss the personal emotional triggers of your partner before you play. If you choose to cross those lines together, that’s up to you and your partner, but in my opinion, it’s irresponsible to not discuss subjects that may be emotionally harmful to one another if you might tread upon triggering ground. That may include any number of things, and it’s up to each individual party to communicate the subjects which are taboo for them and how far they’re willing to push their own boundaries.

That may also include age play, implied rape, or even a list of insults/names that are off limits. As a Dom, it would be crushing to me to touch on an unintentionally hurtful subject for my sub that led them down a harmful path. Given my personal background, it would be irresponsible for me as a sub to engage in a D/s scenario in which the Dom insulted my size or made remarks about my weight, as I have a personal history of rough times with my body image that I must take into account as being highly impactful for me. Something that may have no lasting impact for someone else could trigger a series of personal responses in myself that are harmful and unhealthy. It would be unfair for me to disregard that if the Dom’s actions might have a lasting impact on me that leads to future self-harm outside of our consensual interactions.

That said, I don’t think it’s irresponsible to cross personal boundaries as long as all parties are aware of the gravity of the situation and may gauge their responses based on adequate knowledge of their partners.

—

Soma Snakeoil

Bio: Lifestyle Domestic Abuser and Professional Ass-Kicking Rubber Fetishist, Sex Anarchist, Pro Domina and Film Maker.

Soma Snakeoil is both a scholar & practitioner, lecturing widely on the psychology of domination/submission, punishment, gender roles and the origins of BDSM in Victorian culture. She has shot with some of the world’s finest fetish photographers including Ken Marcus, Lithium Picnic, Chad Michael Ward, Gregg Welker, Sam Holden and Surgeon Studios. Her latest AVN winning film, Rubber Bordello, is a black and white fetish film that she wrote, directed and starred in. For more personal information visit Her website.

Soma online: official site: somasnakeoil.com Rubber Bordello official site: rubberbordello.com

Expanded comments: Safe is an interesting term to discuss in BDSM as what we do is intrinsically dangerous. Safety in BDSM is subjective since it’s based so much on environment, the specific partners level of experience and the state of mind of the players. I’m a big fan of RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) because I think it’s more accurate to say that what we do is not necessarily Safe but we choose to make it safe by being aware of the dangers involved in BDSM.

The one thing that I like about SSC is that in every BDSM scene the participants need to be aware of the emotional safety of their partner. The love, kink and sex games we play have the potential to be damaging to either the Top or the bottom. Any sexual experience can be complex. If you add some crazy outfits, power exchanges and needles, knives or whips…eroticism becomes even more emotionally charged. So in a sense the responsibility we have for our partner’s emotional safety grows exponentially.

Safety is as simple as agreed upon standard guidelines like safewords but is as complex as knowing when to stop without the need for safewords.

As a Dominant, safety for me means hyper vigilance to the emotional and physical, and even at moments spiritual, well being of my bottom. But it also means I have the responsibility to keep myself well in scene too.

Safety is enacted with the awareness that danger is sexy, but that harm is not.

—-

Dark Gracie

Bio: Dark Gracie is an acclaimed sex author and deviant extraordinaire, who first began writing explitica in 2005. Today her work is published in Erotica Diaries, regularly featured on Fleshbot, reviewed by Playboy and appeared in Cosmopolitan Australia. She has worked with PopSyndicate, Mayhem Magazine, Sex and the 405, Safeword Magazine and Conversextion.com. Gracie’s fallen-from-grace filth can be found on her blog where she reveals mindfuck stories and appears on Good Vibrations Magazine and soon to be writing for Servitú Magazine.

Gracie online: official site: darkgracie.com Gracie on Twitter: @darkgracie

Safe (in a nutshell): Safe Trust and communication is key along with a safe word.

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Diana Knight

Diana online: official site: DianaKnight.com

Safe (in a nutshell): Trust, understanding, & familiarity with your play partner.

——–

A few helpful resources:

education: An online video education resource (recommended by one of my favorite perverts, Dark Gracie): kinkacademy.com A great basic overview of Safer SM Sex (in pdf format) by New England Leather Alliance Resources + checklists by The Next Generation of Chicago

events & groups: A pretty exhaustive listing of Groups and Munches in the US: scene USA at darkheart.com A more comprehensive international list of BDSM groups by Ranai A list of BDSM & Leather events in 2013 at bdsmresourceguide.com

negotiation: A basic (but still pretty comprehensive) activities list by vampirespet.com A more extensive activities list by wikiphilia.net Another extensive (printable) activities list by Columbia Erotic Power Exchange

Why I Love And Fear The Horror Genre. 15 Apr 2013 6:30 AM (12 years ago)

By Jillian Boyd

The horror genre, whether in films, writing or even radio, has been around for far longer than people these days want to realize. While films such as F.W. Murnau’s Nosferatu date back all the way to the 1920’s (and some came even before that), books have been scaring the living daylights out of people since the 18^th century.

Surely a genre which has this kind of staying power is a force to be reckoned with?

Before I get started on what I wanted to write, let me state that this isn’t a history of horror. It’s been done, and it’s been done far better than I can ever do (Stephen King’s excellent Danse Macabre, although dated, is a fantastic resource). No, this is my history with horror. Call it one appreciator’s (and layman’s, I must confess) insights into a genre she has been fascinated with for as long as she can remember.

And, of course, my first memories of the genre are a bit vague. Naturally.

I guess the first thing I can remember is probably something any kid who grew up in the nineties can tell you. I was scared out of my mind the first time I saw one of the legendary Treehouse of Horror episodes that The Simpsons provide every season. If you think the ones they have put out in recent years are a bit lame (yeah, I feel you on that), I suggest you revisit the beginning of the show, and in particular, the first-ever Treehouse of Horror.

Treehouse of Horror aired as the third episode of the second season (which I am delighted to discover aired two months before I was even born). It is comprised of three segments (as have all episodes of the like been since): Bad Dream House, a mash-up of The Amityville Horror and Poltergeist; Hungry Are The Damned, a loose take on The Twilight Zone’s To Serve Man episode and an adaptation of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe.

It is that last one that stuck with me the longest. It’s very rare for The Simpsons to play something straight, without looking for laughs, but it’s also worthy to remember that they did manage it and very early on in their 24-seasons-and-counting run at that. The Raven is, on its own, a haunting tale that gets into your bones, and this take on it provides images that unknowingly stick with you for a good long time to come.

And so a budding horror fan I became.

But it didn’t really resurface until I was old enough to toddle along with my mother to the video rental shop. I can’t put an age on it (let us say it was in the late nineties or early noughties, wherein I would have been about 10/11.). I was (and still am) absolutely fascinated by film, and getting to go to the rental shop was enough to make me a happy kitten.

But there were a few sections I naturally gravitated towards. Of course there was the forbidden adult section, which I gazed at from afar with wonder in my eyes. But next to that was an equally mystifying selection of horror movies.

I knew I wasn’t supposed to look at them. I mean, I was on the wrong side of my teens to take any interest in the morbid. But there was something about it that made me excited. There was something about seeing Pinhead’s noggin on the cover of the latest Hellraiser movie that made me feel a bit dirty. Like an adult, almost.

Of course, I couldn’t even watch horror movies. The closest I had come to watching a horror movie without pissing myself was (and here is something that, I kid you not, actually happened) when we were having a study day in Belgium’s equivalent of the sixth grade. As the highest grade, we were exempt from the day’s proceedings (lucky bastards, we were) and got to watch a movie. Chicken Run was provided for us, which we all enjoyed (I think). And then it came to watching another movie. My mind is a bit misty as to the how we ended up watching it, but apparently the teacher supervising us found it totally okay to let us watch Child’s Play 2.

Now, let’s face it, Chucky isn’t exactly the scariest bastard on the horror scene. He’s an evil doll. That’s it. But imagine for a moment that you were watching this as a confused pre-teen. You would have, I assume, one of two reactions. One is that you immediately lose your cool, jump out of your own skin and call for an adult. Two… you actually like it.

And I sort of did.

I sort of got a kick from contemplating watching horror movies. From holding their boxes in the video rental stores and lying awake at night thinking about why it was Ginger actually snapped. I was still too young to understand why things scared me (that didn’t come until far later in life) and I was equally mystified by why these things caught my eye more than the latest generic rom-com I was supposed to be into.

Eventually, my local video rental shop closed. Life diddled on and I sort of forgot about what it was that attracted me to the genre in the first place.

That was until the cogs were set into motion again earlier in the year.

As a writer, the one thing I keep hearing is to buy Stephen King’s On Writing. It’s seminal, it’s amazing, it’s What You Need As A Writer. So when I found it at Waterstone’s, with a shiny new cover and all, I scooped it up and got to reading.

I still don’t know what it is I took away from the book as a writer. But what did kindle a little fire in my heart was reading Stephen’s account of how he started writing, and in particular how he started writing Carrie (his first novel). I know Carrie. Or at least, I know about Carrie. I know the enduring image of a young girl drenched in pig’s blood, a young girl with telekinetic powers so strong that she uses them to an earth-shattering conclusion.

But I didn’t know the book. I don’t know the film, for that matter – but that’s an affair I’ll take care of later this year.

I found a copy of the newly-covered edition and kindly asked my boyfriend to buy it for me. He obliged and I got to reading. There were various other factors in my life that led me to rekindle the scary light in my heart, but the moment I knew I loved it again was the moment I finished Carrie.

And I realized that what I was scared of was openly loving this genre. That I was scared of being looked at in a different way because I was fascinated by what scared me.

Horror, as King says, is perhaps a way of releasing your anxieties in another way. Which is an excellent point. Horror as a genre has a way of resurfacing whenever shit has hit the fan in the world. 2013 sees remakes of The Evil Dead and Carrie in addition to new horror efforts such as Byzantium and You’re Next hitting the screen; just as the recession bites again, countries are on the brink of war and David Cameron spreads his own seed of evil by cutting the UK’s benefits.

For me, the horror genre is a way of rebelling against myself. A way of saying that I dare to be scared. I dare to look evil in the eye. I may not laugh in its face, but I will face it. And it took me a long time to get there.

Dare to be scared.

Dare to go and see a horror movie, read a scary book.

It’s worth it.

And remember… it’s only a movie. It’s only a movie.

FAT GIRL Book Exhibit featuring April Flores by Carlos Batts * SAVE THE DATE 15 Apr 2013 6:23 AM (12 years ago)

Fat Girl Exhibit
Gallery: Coagula Curatorial
Date: Saturday, July 27th
Time: 7pm-11pm
Location: 977 Chung King Road, Los Angeles CA 90012
Gallery Details Here: www.coagulacuratorial.com
Publisher:
http://www.rarebirdbooks.com
Order Book Here:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fat-girl-carlos-batts/1113774913
http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Girl-Flores-Carlos-Batts/dp/0985490268/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_4

Distributed by:
Publishers Group West
PGW.com

CaucAsian - Episode 6 What? Written and directed by Joseph... 11 Apr 2013 6:58 AM (12 years ago)

CaucAsian - Episode 6

What?

CaucAsian - Episode 5 The family goes to Little... 9 Apr 2013 4:39 AM (12 years ago)

CaucAsian - Episode 5

The 1st Annual Feminist Porn Conference Draws Hundreds to University of Toronto 8 Apr 2013 2:11 PM (12 years ago)

TORONTO (April 8, 2013)—The First Annual Feminist Porn Conference was held at the University of Toronto on April 6, 2013 and drew nearly 250 attendees. This one-day conference brought together academics, cultural critics, performers, directors, producers, sex workers, activists, students, and fans to explore the emergence of feminist porn as a genre, industry, field of study, and movement. The event, the first ever conference devoted exclusively to feminist pornography, featured 45 different presenters from around the world.

Presenters included leading professors whose work spans multiple disciplines from history, sociology, film and media studies to comparative literature, sexuality studies, and feminist studies, including Kevin Heffernan from Southern Methodist University, Lynn Comella of University of Nevada-Las Vegas, Ariane Cruz of Pennsylvania State University, Jill Bakehorn of UC Davis and UC Berkeley, Nicholas Matte of University Toronto, Emily Nagoski from Smith College, and York University’s Bobby Noble as well as scholars from CUNY, UCLA, Northwestern, and Ohio University.

Several panels featured some of the most well-known producers and performers working in feminist porn today, including Jiz Lee, Courtney Trouble, Madison Young, Sinnamon Love, Dylan Ryan, April Flores, Carlos Batts, Loree Erickson, James Darling, Carrie Gray, Tobi Hill-Meyer, Tina Horn, Arabelle Raphael, Quinn Cassidy, Jes Sachse, and Bianca Stone. The international conference drew presenters from around the world, including Liesbet Zikkenheimer and Marije Janssen from Dusk TV, an erotic TV channel for women in the Netherlands and Australian webmistress and director Ms. Naughty of ForTheGirls.com. Carol Queen, PhD, co-founder of the Center for Sex and Culture and Good Vibrations’ sexologist, spoke on two panels: “Conspicuous Consumption: If We Sell It, They Will Come,” about the connection between feminist porn and sex-positive retail stores and “Feminist Perspectives on Sexual Identity and Sexual Health in Educational and Feminist Porn.”

Award-winning filmmaker Shine Louise Houston of Pink and White Productions screened her documentary Shiny Jewels to a huge crowd. A screening of Lesbo Retro: A Dyke Porn Retrospective, a clip show of lesbian porn from 1960-2000, was followed by a question and answer session with its curator, Shar Rednour and special guest Nan Kinney, co-founder of On Our Backs and Fatale Media and recipient of the 2013 Trailblazer Award at The 8th Annual The Feminist Porn Awards on April 5.

The keynote was delivered by feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino and Professors Constance Penley and (both from University of California-Santa Barbara). As three of the four co-editors of The Feminist Porn Book: The Politics of Producing Pleasure, recently published by The Feminist Press at CUNY, they discussed how feminist porn has shifted sexual representation and pondered what the future holds for feminist porn. “The goal of our book was to put academics and sex industry workers into conversation with one another to discuss critical issues about feminism, sexual media, representation, sexual agency, and labor. This conference took those conversations to the next level,” said Mireille Miller-Young. “We hope it mobilizes academics and sex industry workers to create coalitions to support each other’s work,” said Constance Penley.

“The event exceeded my expectations,” said Tristan Taormino, who produced the conference. “I was inspired by the diversity of voices from professors and students to performers and fans. The enthusiasm for dialogue about feminist porn issues was overwhelming, and I am already planning next year’s conference.”

The Feminist Porn Conference was sponsored by the Mark S. Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies, Good for Her, The Feminist Porn Awards, and The Feminist Press.

CaucAsian - Episode 4 Date time! Written and directed by Joseph... 4 Apr 2013 6:41 AM (12 years ago)

CaucAsian - Episode 4

Date time!

Written and directed by Joseph Patrick Conroy.

Produced by Mélisa Breiner-Sanders in association with BS&B Media
DP and edited by Jason Bruffy.

Featuring Mélisa Breiner-Sanders, Joshua Levine and Kana Conroy.
With Hiroko Tanaka, Noriko Sato and Fang Du.

Ellen Stagg Sinterview! 3 Apr 2013 1:37 PM (12 years ago)

Ellen Stagg Sinterview!

CaucAsian - Episode 3 Joe has a new plan! Written and directed... 2 Apr 2013 5:26 AM (12 years ago)

CaucAsian - Episode 3

Joe has a new plan!

Hysterical Literature: Session Seven: Amanda (Official) Amanda... 1 Apr 2013 2:49 PM (12 years ago)

Hysterical Literature: Session Seven: Amanda (Official)

Amanda visits the studio and reads from “A Clockwork Orange” by Anthony Burgess. Directed by Clayton Cubitt.

Support literature, purchase the book: http://amzn.to/13JaU1M
Further information on the series: http://claytoncubitt.tumblr.com/tagged/hystericalliterature/chrono

INSIDE LINDA LOVELACE'S DEEP THROAT - RELEASE PARTY 28 Mar 2013 6:58 AM (12 years ago)

JOHN STAVROS, in association with Blood Moon Productions, (an independent NYC publishing venue dedicated to exposés about How America Interprets its Celebrities) requests your presence at a celebration of the release of the most comprehensive biography of an Adult Entertainment Star ever published.
Thursday, March 28th Time from 7pm – 11pm
Location
320 Studios. 320 West 37th Street, 14th Floor, NYC, NY 10018 www.320studiosnyc.com
PLEASE NOTE: This is a closed event. RSVP is obligatory. Please let us know your confirmation of presence by March 27th.
E-Mail Pmpstudios@yahoo.com
“It would be difficult to write a history of entertainment in America without mentioning Linda Lovelace and the role of her famous movie, Deep Throat, in changing the movie industry forever.”
—Darwin Porter | Blood Moon Productions

CaucAsian - Episode 2 The family goes to Chinatown. Written and... 28 Mar 2013 5:04 AM (12 years ago)

CaucAsian - Episode 2

The family goes to Chinatown.

Written and Directed by Joseph Patrick Conroy.

Produced by Melisa Breiner-Sanders in association with BS&B Media.

DP and Edited by Jason Bruffy

Featuring Mélisa Breiner-Sanders, Joshua Levine and Kana Conroy.
With Kana Hatekayama and Ray Sheen

CaucAsian - Episode 1 Welcome to the world of... 26 Mar 2013 6:30 AM (12 years ago)

CaucAsian - Episode 1

Welcome to the world of “CaucAsian”

Written and directed by Joseph Patrick Conroy
Produced by Melisa Breiner-Sanders in association with BS&B Media
DP and Editor - Jason Bruffy.

Featuring Melisa Breiner-Sanders, Joshua Levine and Kana Conroy.
With Kana Hatekayama and Zoltan Boka

Natasha Gornik: Diaristic Raison d'être Cities - VENICE. 25 Mar 2013 11:47 AM (12 years ago)

in Venice in a hotel room that reminds me of church Daddy teases me with the tip of his cock by rubbing it up and down and over and under and round and round my sweet little virgin pussy and i writhe underneath wanting it deep inside of me but Daddy says we aren’t married yet so it can only be the tip just the tip baby and he says this over and over in my ear and gets behind me and on the wall next the bed hangs a large mirror and he has me look into it as he works the tip in and out and i swell around the head and Daddy keeps saying just the tip baby just the tip and makes me watch myself and my lids are so heavy and my lips puffy and red and i feel like a flower and other worldly and i watch him reach around and play with my nipples and it is Spring and the white lace curtains sway in the breeze and i can hear the canal that sits directly beneath the window and think of gondola that is parked alongside it and he pulls out his teasing cock and on the stone grey streets i am in a sex haze it is thick and my lids still cannot open fully and i hold on to the back of his neck with intensity and float into a cafe my feet have not touched the ground yet and am high everything is elevated and he asks if i did drugs and i laugh and so no Daddy and my eyes then get big and bright and innocent and i slowly roll my tongue over my upper lip and let it linger on the corner and Daddy smiles big and asks me to open up and show him my big girl mouth and i do and pasta and clams and tiramisu and thin corridors for streets with no cars and bells sound and we pass a lace factory and over a small bridge and then another and i am still floating although i can hear my heels smacking on the wet rock beneath them

and back at the hotel it is now evening and we close the shutters it has grown cold and the room smells of water and mildew and Daddy has me put on my wedding dress a thin beige slip that is both soft and silky and it clings to my breasts and pubic mound and it is time to get married and we give our vows in front of the priest and he tells Daddy to kiss his bride and he spreads my mouth open with his tongue and deep throats me and i can’t help but grind my pussy against his body and the priest watches because he is a pervert and i like the attention and am up against a dark wooden table which is up against a wall and Daddy makes me spread my legs and says now we are married so we can have our honeymoon and buries his face in between and eats me out until i almost orgasm but he doesn’t let me and the priest is still watching and Daddy says he can watch the priest can watch Daddy take my virginity in my white wedding dress and i nod and say yes Daddy and his hand is down there warm and slippy and sugar and spice and he enters his fingers inside slowly and reminds me this is okay this is good and it isn’t wrong and i’m such a good girl and deserve a reward we are beyond and he pulls up the slip and ask me if i’m ready are you ready are you ready baby are you ready to take Daddy’s cock are you ready for it baby are you ready for Daddy’s cock and i cannot speak words are no longer i can only nod and short heavy breaths and he fills me up and i scream and melt and take all of it like a big good girl and he brings me to the bed and fucks me hard and deep in Venice in a hotel room that reminds me of church.

By Natasha Gornik.

For more of Natasha Gornik’s writings and photography, go to Natasha Gornik & NastyByDesign.