An International Affair View RSS

Thanks for all your comments and words of wisdom 14 Apr 2011 4:02 AM (14 years ago)

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Wow. I'm overwhelmed by all the thoughtful and wonderful and long comments I received on my last post! I am so lucky to have such great readers. I have decided to dedicate this post to those awesome comments and words of wisdom.

But before I address individual comments, I have a few comments of my own.

One recurring theme that came up in the comments is that maybe if I meet the right person, I will want to change. This is true. Absolutely. I do not close myself off to that possibility. Not at all. I do recognize that while it's unlikely, I am totally capable of meeting a Bostonian guy who wears Red Sox hats and khakis and has never lived abroad and never wants to but he has all the other qualities that I'm looking for in someone. If he makes me really happy. If he makes me fall for him. If we have an amazing connection and amazing chemistry. If we have a great time together. If he challenges me and supports me and loves me. Then everything else is negotiable. I think  Catherine said it so well:

I love that. It's so perfect. It leaves all the doors of possibility open.

But until I meet that guy, then I'm going to keep the ever evolving list in my head of the perfect man for me at this time in my life. And I'm not going to feel bad about having those standards or wanting those ideals just as I'm not going to rule out someone I really connect with because he doesn't check all the boxes.

I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book called Committed - the follow up to Eat Pray Love - which is absolutely amazing by the way and I highly recommend it to everyone (I will most likely be blogging about this at some point). She talks a lot about the beauty of modern Western culture is that we have so many choices, but it's also the problem with our culture. With all those choices, comes decisions and with decisions, comes choices that we didn't take. And with that can come doubt and uncertainty. We ask ourselves did we take the right path in life? And what would our lives look like if we went down another path? What is the best path to happiness? And that's where I'm at right now, trying to figure out what the best path to happiness is. What truly makes me happy...

Okay... now on to your awesome comments:

First Date Only - I totally understand what you are saying. I have found myself saying things like "the other day when I was in Moscow" (this was a couple Christmas' ago when I was visiting the US after extensive travels), or more recently commenting on how the last time I had great Italian food was in Rome (oops - this was more recent and kind of popped out before I could filter the thought better). I never mean to sound pretentious. Like you said, it's just my experience!

Robin - Wow! Moscow. Awesome. I've visited many times and have always wondered what it would be like to live there. Looking forward to checking out your blog!

Claudy - where were you when I needed you? And why did I not know you when I was in the UK? I would never make you wash dishes in Bali. Option "c" sounds like a fabulous deal to me. Are you serious? If you are, I'm so in! ;)

Katie @Domestiphobia - Oh how you tease me... Just close all 3 doors and open another one. That's kind of a good idea actually. Although I secretly think that you are tempting me to run away with you again. How about Spain? I've always wanted to live in Madrid. Or Buenos Aires perhaps?

Well this is awkward - It's funny because you mention that you are only 22 and of course my initial thought is to be insanely jealous of you for your youth and wish that I was 22 again. And in my second more rational thought (because backward time travel is unfortunately totally irrational as far as I know, right)? I then think about what advice I would give you... And ironically the first advice that pops into my head is: travel, travel, travel. See the world! Broaden your horizons! Meet lots of great people. So, I guess you are right, I shouldn't (and probably don't) have any regrets if that is my impulsive advice to you is that you should go out and do the same things I did (rather than choosing a more traditional path in life). But I think you show wisdom beyond your years with the following: 


You are right! I think all my traveling right now is contributing to my overall sadness.

Pretty Young Thing - As always, thanks for the support. I'm glad that you are getting a taste of the travel bug. And you are right! I should come to NYC and hang out for a weekend. I LOVE the quote you left:

So true! I'm still trying to figure out where I'm most understood. The first few years I lived abroad, I felt that I was most understood here in the US. And now it feels like that place is in Europe. It's all so confusing!

Julianna - Your comment made me laugh the hardest! I LOVE this:

So well said - especially about the two minds not communicating. So true! But on a more serious note, you have a great point - if I find the right person, my priorities might change. And by the way, Almost Hubs and his Mother sound fabulous! Do you ever let her pluck chickens in the kitchen? I bet the boys would love that! It would also make a very good blog post.

Jewels - My girl - as always, thanks for the love. And you are so right: there is nothing more beautiful about traveling and discovering new places with a lover. This is actually something that I've thought about a lot recently. I LOVE my single life and my adventures. But I have to say that most of my greatest memories are ones I shared with someone else and most of them involve traveling with someone else. I am sure that you will experience that some day (make sure you do). And you are so right... being unhappy does not attract happiness. I'm working on that.

On My Soapbox - You are probably right. My delivery wasn't very smooth. ;)

Tilden Talks - That thinking thing. Gets me every time. Damn. :)

Jules - As always, thanks for your support! Bostonians are crazy about their sports. That is for sure. You would think that the world is possibly ending tomorrow because the Red Sox are 2-9. It's ALL people are talking about. Don't get me wrong. I do like sports and I'm very amused with the Red Sox obsession and even am enjoying contributing to the conversation when I can. However, there is more that defines me and I want someone who has more than defines them.

Sarah B - I LOVED your comment. And I know that you understand. Thank you so much for these awesome words of wisdom - what a great analogy:





Catherine - It is very wise advise to stop worrying about the things in my future and about the things I cannot change. Isn't there a saying something like: Grant me the power to change the things I can and accept the things I can't change? And speaking of change, as I already mentioned, I really liked what you had to say about it:


So eloquently put. Love it.

Thanks again everyone! I'm finally feeling a bit better having gotten my B12 sorted out. I've also decided that I will STOP hibernating in my apartment watching Mad Men and The Kennedy's and I will get out and do more and have more interesting things to blog about!

A Little Sunday Rant 3 Apr 2011 6:45 PM (14 years ago)

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Thanks everyone for your really nice comments on my last post. I have missed you all too! I'm glad to be back.

I'm sorry to say that right now I'm going to have a little Sunday rant.

So, here I am having a really tough time with the move back. And there I am out with some friends who were asking me about my dating life and I admitted that it was pretty lacking. That I really wasn't trying very hard to date but that I was having trouble meeting Boston men who were interesting to me or were interested in me. When pressed more as to what was wrong with Boston men and what was I looking for... I tried to honestly express how I feel.

I said that I'm not so interested in men who are really into JUST sports and local Boston culture. I don't see myself dating a guy who has lived in Boston (or the surrounding towns) his whole life and that's what he wants to do for the whole rest of his life. I just don't see that happening. I don't see myself dating someone who doesn't ever want to leave Boston and live abroad.

My friends then asked me if I realized that the things I was saying were highly offensive.

Offensive? What?

I was shocked. No. It had NEVER ever occurred to me that the things I was saying might be offensive because it has NEVER ever occurred to me to judge other people or criticize them for wanting different things than I do. While I don't particularly want to date someone who only wants to live in Boston for the rest of their life, I absolutely do not judge them for their decision. In fact, quite the opposite. I'm envious of them for having figured out where they want to live and what they want in life while I'm still searching.

The things I was saying should never have been taken as offensive because they were never meant to offend. They were words said with no judgement or criticism of anyone else but perhaps only with a inner sadness of knowing that most men do not want to date a girl who doesn't necessarily see herself living in this country for the rest of her life. And sadly, I don't want know what I want in life and also don't want to limit myself to living here when right now it's making me miserable.

I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I absolutely do not judge people for living and staying in the US. And I do not judge the people on the street of Boston for being Bostonians and loving their sports, their country, their beer, their American life. I am absolutely not criticizing them or looking down on them. They are my parents, my friends, my co-workers. What kind of person would I be if I walked around judging them? But what kind of person would I be if I decided to date them just to feel trapped and then decide months later to jump on a plane and go live somewhere else.

I will admit that when I first started traveling, I felt a small level of superiority. I had escaped my small town, I was seeing the world, I was doing something different. I was taking the road less traveled, I was living my dream of being an international woman. But over the years I have revised that feeling and rather than feeling superior to those who settled down somewhere, I feel envious of them.

The change in feeling was fueled (as so many things are these days) by Facebook. I suddenly had a direct view into the lives of people who I went to high school and college with who made different decisions than me. I suddenly had a better peak into the life I didn't choose (but always secretly wished I did), the life I chose to leave behind and go searching for something else, something better? (for me) perhaps in different countries around the world. But what I found when I looked into their pictures and saw their status updates, was that they were HAPPY! Really and truly happy. And I realized that it's not about where you live or what you are doing that matters, it's about how happy you are with where you are and what you are doing. And I also realized that while flitting around the world has been extremely interesting and eye-opening, it hasn't necessarily contributed to my overall happiness or personal well-being. In fact, if I am honest with myself, I would bet that most of the people whose lives I was stalking on Facebook, are probably a lot happier than me. And it was with that realization that I dropped any last bit of superiority or judgement that I might have had towards other people who have made the choice not to dance around the world trying to find themselves.

If anything. I judge myself for being different. These days I'm full of quite a bit of self-hatred because most of all, I know that fact that I'm not fitting in here has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with anyone else. I hate myself for not knowing where I want to live or what I want to do in life. I hate myself for not coming back home and fitting back in. I hate myself for not knowing if I want the American dream, or the Swedish dream or even the London dream. I hate myself for being so torn as to what I want in life. I hate that I'm still searching for something or someone when everyone else is settling down, getting married and having kids. You see... I want those things too. But I realize that I can't really have them until I make some other decisions about my life - like what country I want to live in or where is "home" to me.

And by the way, I've also TRIED to date an All-American guy. When I graduated college I dated the All-American boy who lived down the street from my parents. He had been my high school crush. He was your typical All-American guy. He loved his micro-brews and his Bud Light equally. He listened to Dave Mathews and the Grateful Dead incessantly. He was passionate about sports and would never miss a Red Sox game. He loved BBQ's and hot summer nights. He wore a baseball cap and sports shirts. His dress up clothes (that I bought him) were khakis and a polo. He loved his country. He loved his town. He loved me. Until I decided that I wanted to move to Bali to work. And then he dumped me.

And this has been the story of my life. I wanted to stay with him. I thought we could work it out. I thought that I would come home for him after I had my adventure (I knew he would never move for me). But maybe he knew me better than I knew myself at the time. He thought it was best if he let me go. "You're never going to be happy here," he told me. "You've spent the last year that we've been dating trying to convince yourself of it. But this is not meant to be. You are meant to go out and explore the world. This is what you've always wanted to do. I'm not going to be the one to hold you back."

Okay, he was not a man of many words, so he didn't put it as eloquantely as that. But that's what he meant. Over many conversations, over many years (we remain in touch), he has basically said those things to me. And he was right. I did spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that this was my "destiny." That I was going to trade in my dreams of living abroad for the "American Dream" that that would be okay.

But fate intervened and sent me to Bali and then on to the rest of my travels. And I can't help but think that was really the "right" thing for me. It was.

And it's not just American men. I had the same problem with Swedish men and I used to express the same things to my Swedish friends. I do not want to date an American who only wants to live in the US, just the same as when I lived in Sweden, I didn't want to date a Swede who would never consider leaving Sweden. I knew it was over with the Beautiful Swede when he came home with me and I talked about possibly wanting to move home and build a house in the US and live the American Dream. He essentially freaked out and told me that he did not share that dream. The he couldn't ever see himself living in the US.

Right now, I've been spending a lot of time trying to convince myself that Boston is right for me. But I'm not feeling it at all. And that makes me so very sad. I really hoped that I would move home and everything would fall into place and I would have that amazing "Aha" moment where I felt like "YES! THIS IS IT! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" But it hasn't happened.

And let me tell you... It's the worst feeling in the world to not feel at home in your own country. I have spent the last 9 years abroad feeling like a foreigner. And now I come home and I'm shocked and saddened to feel like that in my own country. I've never spent more time alone and sad and depressed. I've never cried myself to sleep so much.

Sometimes, I even find myself often wishing that I never lived abroad. That I had never made friends all over the world. That I had never left my home in so many places. A reader of this blog made a great comment on one of my posts. She said " I think that moving overseas is like opening Pandora's box. Once you have done it home is no longer one place but where ever you are a bit of home is where you last were." She is right. Home is everywhere that you have been and that makes it hard to really know where home is. I think that everywhere you go and live and love and learn, you leave a little peace of yourself behind. And right now I feel that I'm no longer a whole person because I have left so many pieces behind. And right now, I have no idea where I want to be or who I truly am.

Or to look at it another way,  a wise woman once told me that it's hard to live life when you have so many doors open. It's hard to know which one to go toward, which one to walk through. That to be really happy, you sometimes have to close some doors.

And that thought of closing doors scares me. I'm afraid if I close some doors I loose some part of myself. Right now I have three doors open with the words Boston, London, and Stockholm written above them.

Honestly, I would really like to meet the love of my life and fall head over heels. But as I've said before... how could anyone love me right now? How could anyone love me when I don't love myself? I don't think that falling in love can happen for me until I learn to love myself and be comfortable with where I am in my life. And part of loving myself has to be understanding myself enough to know where I want to live and what doors I'm ready to close.

And just to clarify I do not think I'm special because I've lived abroad. I do however think that I'm different from others who have not had this experience. And I do not think that is a good thing. I hate being different. All I want is to fit in. But 9 years abroad is a long time. It's my entire adult life. The influences in my life have been very international, very European and I'm struggling here in an environment that's less international with less people around me who've had a common experience. So no, I do not think I'm special. But I might feel different and I might react to things differently. I hope my friends can understand that and support me as I go through this. I hope that just as they ask that I don't judge them, that they will not judge me and that they will try to understand what I'm going through.

So, I truly apologize to my friends and to anyone else I may have unintentionally offended when I was talking about what I'm looking for in a life partner. I never meant to offend anyone. The type of person that I hold up as my "ideal" partner is not a reflection on anyone else - it's only a reflection of my own messed up self and this whole sad and confused internal battle I'm having as a result of repatriation after 9 years abroad.

Catching Up 27 Mar 2011 4:13 PM (14 years ago)

International Woman of Mystery - Unveiled in a game of tag 1 Mar 2011 4:14 PM (14 years ago)

Jewels over at Turning 30 has tagged me! Thanks Jewels! Now that I've been tagged. I have to answer 19 random questions about myself. So, here we go...


Oh before I start, I apologize for my recent absence. The equation goes something like this: 


Bad cold + Extreme tiredness + Winter Blues + Boring stuff going on + Extreme Addiction to Mad Men = No motivation/time to blog. Sorry. Will try to be better. I've just got a bad case of the winter blues. But I'm glad Jewels tagged me because this is nice and easy - no thinking involved (ummmm... I wrote this before I tried to answer the questions - I take it back! This was hard)!


1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are the members of your family?
Ir's funny because we always had a lot of pets growing up. I pretty much considered them to be a nuisance. Part of the family, I guess... but an annoying part. To be honest, I didn't care about them much. But suddenly that changed and I really like animals. I don't have any animals of my own (I mean, I can't even keep a plant alive) but my parents have a dog and 2 cats and I love their animals (although one of the cats isn't really that special to me). In fact, I went home to see the animals see my parents this weekend and got lots of pet therapy. It was great! 

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be? 
To be really and truly happy and feel comfortable with where I am both physically and mentally in my life. Oh, and I want to run a marathon. I have suffered various injuries over the years and this dream has slipped away. But my fellow boot campers are inspiring me to pursue treatment and make the marathon dream happen. 

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
I hate hypocrites I can't stand being judged by someone who is guilty of the same flaw they are judging me for. I also hate people who are just plain mean for no reason. And condescending people. And know-it-all's. And people who maliciously gossip. And back-stabbers. And people who betray you. (Can you tell I'm struggling with some people around me right now)? So, I guess to summarize, I would say that I hate people who don't make an effort to be good people. No one is perfect (I'm certainly far from it) but it's trying to be a good person that counts the most... 

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Quit my job and travel, travel, travel and hopefully do some good in the world as well. 

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
A long run. A hard gym session. A chat with a good friend. A random act of kindness. A drink. A nice email. A  beautiful compliment. A wonderful song. A sunny day.  Making plans for the future. Patting the cat or dog (see number 1). Watching an episode of Glee. 

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Oh who knows! Aren't they equally amazing? Although maybe I don't really know. Outside of family and friends, I have never "loved" or "been loved" by anyone. Sad. I know at 32 years old... but it's true. Secretly, I might have loved the Scottish Boy. But I really hope there is a greater love out there so I refuse to call that love because if that's what love is, I don't want it. 

7. What is your bedtime routine?
Put on pajamas, get in bed, set alarm for ridiculously early hour, take out contacts, read until tired. Pray that I will fall asleep rather than laying awake all night as I do so often now. 

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
Well that one's easy. I'm permanently single so I don't meet "partners." Umm...  this is kinda my problem.  

9. If you coould watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? 
I'm sorry. I'm totally at a loss right now. Skip to the next one. 

10. What kinds of books do you read? 
I'll pretty much read anything. I just re-read Pride and Prejudice! So good! And now I'm reading The Weird Sisters and Freedom. I enjoy popular literature as well as the classics. I shamelessly love both the Twilight series and Harry Potter. And good crime novels are often a guilty pleasure of mine. 

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
.I see myself as a highly powerful woman with an awesome career. I'm probably living abroad somewhere with my family. I will be married to a very handsome and incredibly smart man. He is probably a foreigner. He is most likely Swedish. We are totally in love and can't believe our amazing luck at finding each other. I can't decide if he will have an important career or if he will stay at home with the kids. I will have 2 beautiful children. A boy and a girl. They are wonderful and smart although unfortunately if my husband also has an important career, they are probably being raised by the nanny - although when I am around, I'm an amazing mother.  I'm as glamorous as ever. I host lots of dinner parties for friends I have actually learned to cook and I'm actually not that bad at it when I find the time and feel motivated, but I also have a personal chef who helps out from time to time because I just can't be bothered. My husband is a big wine connoseur and loves showing off our wine cellar. And of course, I'm gorgeous and look at least 10 years younger than I really am (I don't actually plan to age). 

12. What's your fear?
Someone close to me dying. 

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
No way! I mean I would considering giving up junk food for the right reason. But going into outer space has never ever interested me. In fact it totally freaks me out! 

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
Oh jeez. I am single and while not exactly rich (nowhere near rich really), I have the means to live well. But I feel like I'm lacking something. So, maybe I would be better off married and poor. I mean money doesn't buy happiness. There has been studies on this kind of thing. In fact, I read a book this summer (called The Pursuit of Happiness - it's awesome - read it) that says as long as you make enough to stay above the poverty line, then income has very little impact on happiness. In fact, if you come into a lot of money suddenly, you are temporarily happy but then you drop back to your original happiness level that you were at before you got the money. I would therefore probably rather be married in a good relationship and poor (although preferably not poverty poor obviously).

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Press the snooze buttons as many times as possible. And when I finally realize I have to get up, I usually complain out loud (oh, the benefits of living alone) and hate the world for a little while. Most mornings after complaining, I put in my contacts, throw on my outdoor exercise clothes (laid out the night before), stretch for 5 mins, fill a bottle of water (with hot water in the winter or it freezes), add gloves and a hat and outside layers. Throw on my sneakers and get out the door at 5:50 for Boot Camp class! 

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
I'm feeling some discrimination against single people here! Why do questionnaire like this always have to do with your spouse or your partner. It's like those damn security questions that you have to answer on bank websites and stuff. I swear that my bank has never heard of single people. The last time they made me answer security questions they gave me 6 questions and I had to answer 3 of them. Only 2 were appropriate for me such as what's the name of your childhood pet? Or what's the name of the street that you lived on as a kid? The others were all like what is the birthday of your significant other? What is your partner's mother's name? What is the birth date of your youngest kid? I think I actually made up a name for my imaginary partner's mother. I really hope they don't make me recall that in order to get my bank information. Seriously people. What is wrong with being single? Please be less discriminatory in your questions!

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Ha ha.... International Woman of Mystery is pretty awesome. I can't really do better than that. Actually, my real name (which surprisingly is not IWM) is actually kind of awesome. I have a super boring and ordinary first name - it was the name of the year, the year I was born - but my last name makes up for it especially when the two are put together. I don't even think I will change my name when I'm married. I like my last name too much. 

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
I'm all for giving people second (and sometimes third and fourth chances) but I'm unlikely to forget. That would be stupid. Wrong me once shame on you, wrong me twice shame on me and all that... I guess it depends on the level of seriousness. I do hold grudges, but usually only for very short times. What is most important is that someone apologizes or at least makes an effort to patch things up. 

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Ugh. I have no idea. That's a tough one. I mean am I supposed to tell you my absolute favorite food and tell you I will eat that all the time? Or am I supposed to be serious and think about nutritional value and weight gain? Well, my gut instinct is to tell you NACHOS - the loaded nachos with lots of cheese and veggies (tomatoes, olives, jalapeños, mushrooms, peppers, onions, corn) and salsa and guacamole and sour creme! Throw some chili on there (although I'm not sure I want to eat this for 6 months) and you kind of cover the important food groups. But seriously, I LOVE NACHOS!!! They are my number one favorite food. I probably could eat them for 6 months straight/ 


So, there you go: 19 things about me you probably never wanted to know! 


I tag the following people but of course you are ALL welcome to play along: 


Life Begins at Thirty


Texpatriot Musings

Mademoiselle L 

Domestiphobia 

Dear Grandfather 22 Feb 2011 6:04 PM (14 years ago)

Photo of my Grandfather - taken this winter

Thanks everyone for the awesome comments on my recent dating posts and the encouraging words about going outside my dating requirements and dating the Short Australian. I hope to get back to some fun dating posts soon...

But sadly this weekend wasn't really about fun and dating. It was mostly about family. My grandfather passed away 2 weeks ago. And while he was old and it wasn't a tragedy, it is still sad. He was the center of our family in many ways. I worry that we will not see each other as often. It was nice to all get together this weekend. I enjoyed catching up with my cousins. I wish I could see them more. I wish we got together for happy occasions and not just when someone dies.

Anyway, this weekend I've been reflecting a lot on family and what it means. And I've been thinking a lot about my grandparents. They were hugely important and influential to me. They lived about 2 hours from us and they visited us often and we visited them often as well. My brother and I would spend a week or so each summer with them. They had an amazing house in Ipswich, MA looking out over the ocean. Some of my best and most vivid memories of my childhood take place in that house. I can still remember how each room smelled. I can remember where all the objects (collected from their numerous travels) were placed. I loved that house. And I loved my grandparents. And they loved us - and never ever forgot to tell us just how much they loved us.

They were great and amazing people. My uncle said it best: they were great role-models. For everyone. They did so much for their community, their church, their friends, their family. They were role models to me and to many around them. They touched so many people. When I think of the kind of person that I want to be, I want to be like them. I can't actually think of better people. It was not only their love for their loved ones that was inspiring but also their love for each other. They were married 62 years. And in a world full of broken relationships and broken vows, I always think of them as role models for the type of love I hope to have some day.

Their religion was important to them and their faith in God was very very strong. Their children and grandchildren do not share that faith, but as my cousin pointed out, that was to some extent, okay with them. They would have been happy if we had embraced God and religion (and certainly expressed a certain level of disappointed to our parents for not ever bringing us to church) but they didn't turn it into an issue. They loved us for who we were even if it wasn't exactly who they wanted us to be.

They always encouraged us to do great things and to be better people. They always supported us. They loved to hear of my travels. My grandmother loved to write and encouraged me to write. My grandmother emailed me every single week until she entered the hospital a couple months before she passed away. That was really special. I attribute my passion for traveling and for writing to my grandparents. They truly inspired and supported me in so many ways.

I'm sad they are now both gone. It's been a hard weekend. There are no words that can do justice to the relationship I had with them. There are so many amazing memories that I tried to write down but seemed trivial in black and white on a computer... maybe some day I will find a way to better express my life for them. Maybe some day, I will try to re-tell the great stories they told (my grandmother was a great story-teller and my grandfather and my uncles and father were great subjects - I fear those stories will be lost and I would like to write them in my own words drawing upon what my grandmother has already written - perhaps I will include some stories in this blog). But for now I will leave you with the words I spoke at the funeral on Saturday:

The Short Australian 16 Feb 2011 5:22 PM (14 years ago)

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It was a typical Saturday night in the new rather boring life of the International Woman of Mystery. I was having I'm Attractive Single Friend C and Hot Married Friend L over for a drink and the plan was to head out to the bars. Hot Married Friend L brought her hunky husband and I'm Attractive Single Friend C brought her new man who I'm naming Silver Fox because he is an attractive gentleman of a slightly older age...

So, that left me the odd woman out - as usual. I don't mind. I love Hot Married Friend L's husband - he's great! And I was excited to meet I'm Attractive Single Friend C's new man. But I have to say, it was one of those nights that I wished I had a plus one to sit next to. Sometimes it's tiring always being the 3rd wheel or the 5th wheel as it may be.

After some drinks at my house, we decided to wander down to the local pub to get some food and some more drinks. The couples were all cuddly and I was sitting there alone. And suddenly someone observed "Hey International Woman of Mystery, there is a handsome man sitting at the bar and totally checking you out!"

"What? Where?" And then I saw him. He was sitting alone at the bar. He was handsome... And he was totally checking me out! He kept turning around and looking over at our table. I was obviously the only single one there.

By this time we were finished eating dinner and I'm Attractive Single Friend C and the Silver Fox decided to head for home. It just so happened that the seats at the bar next to the cute guy opened up. I decided to seize the opportunity and go sit next to him (Hot Married Friend L and her husband joined me). We immediately started talking. As soon as he opened his mouth, I was like "So... you're Australian?" Kind of hard to miss the accent. Plus, he was at the bar alone (which is not so weird considering it's a local sports bar), so we had been speculating that he was from out of town.

So, the Australian and I continued our conversation even though Hot Married Friend L and her husband decided to leave. He was interesting and cute - although slightly older (confirmed age of 38)  than my usual boys . (What is up with me and older men these days)?

And then he stood up. Uh - oh... It wasn't quite as bad as that Sex and the City episode where Samantha meets an extremely short guy at the bar (similar scenario, he'd been sitting on a bar stool), he did come up somewhere past my chest... but he was definately WAY under 6 feet (my minimum requirement) and absolutely MUCH shorter than me - of course, I was wearing 4 inch heels...

I wasn't too surprised though. I'd gotten a feeling that he was short. I was just wishing he would be that short.  Anyway, turns out we are more or less neighbors. We chatted. He walked me home. There might or might not have been some kind of goodnight kiss. He has just texted me to ask what I'm up to this weekend (although sadly, that is kind of devoted to my Grandfather's funeral). I might or might not reply.

BUT I TOTALLY checked off number 6 from the dating challenge: relax on the height requirement. Ok, technically, I might have to go out with him again... And maybe I will.

I know. I owe you an update on Stockholm and on the Tour Guide. Coming soon!

Valentine's Day 14 Feb 2011 6:05 PM (14 years ago)

Returning to London: Part II - The Date 13 Feb 2011 6:21 PM (14 years ago)

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So, needless to say after my all-nighter, I was VERY tired when I finally found my way into my very small bed in my very small London hotel room at 7 am. So tired that I didn't wake up until 4 pm and had totally missed brunch with Sexy Single Friend A - which I was really bummed about. I also woke up with a hangover. But, it was Saturday and I was in London for a short time only, so I forced myself into the shower and met my colleagues for dinner and drinks. But it was an early night this time. I was back in the hotel room by midnight. Although... I have to say, if my colleagues had been up for it (they weren't), I could have pulled another all nighter!

On Sunday I got up comparatively early and spent the late morning at the gym followed by some shopping and then I met M and T for dinner and drinks then back to the hotel to get some sleep before the work week.

Monday and Tuesday were busy with work and catching up with old colleagues and of course paying visits to the London pubs around the office and getting my fill of pints.

Nostalgia definitely set in. It was strange. Here I was back in London, it felt almost as if I had never left. Part of me wanted to stay and never leave again.

But let's put the reflections aside and get to the good stuff.

On Wednesday night, I attended a gathering arranged by The Company for some of our field staff. Of course this involved a trip to the pub after and drinks sponsored by The Company. I had fun catching up with European colleagues and doing some networking. But soon enough the pints got the best of me and I had to go to the ladies room. I walked into the women's room, entered the stall and did my business. I was washing my hands when suddenly a man walks out of the stall next to me. He looks at me, then looks around and then looks back at me and sheepishly says in his British accent "I'm in the women's room, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are actually," I said. And then we had a good laugh about it. I noticed that he was tall and attractive although perhaps a bit older (his age was later confirmed to be 37) than the young hotties I tend to go for and perhaps a bit less "pretty-boy" and a bit more "rugged" then tends to be my norm.

We returned to the bar and ordered another round of pints and continued to talk. He was really interesting. He is an actor and a certified London tour guide. Well-traveled and very outgoing with lots of interesting stories. When that bar closed, we went on to a loungey place and continued talking. My colleagues bailed out one-by-one but this guy had me hooked with his stories about travel and London history. But once again, the lights at the bar came on and the bartenders were kicking us out. Is anyone counting? This is the 4th time during the trip that I shut down the bar/club. Actually it was the 5th! On Tuesday night, my colleagues and I were also kicked out of a bar at midnight when it was closing (some pubs in London close at midnight - most close at 11. Clubs and loungey-type places close between 3 and 6).

The British Tour Guide then safely escorted me to a cab. "Too bad, I don't have an extra helmet with me, or I would give you a ride on my motorbike he said." But before I took off for my hotel the following two things happened:

1. We kissed. It was nice. 
2. He persuaded me to have lunch with him the next day before catching my flight to Stockholm. 

"Text me in the morning," I told him.

As I had Thursday and Friday off from work, I got to sleep in a bit in the morning - which was nice since I didn't actually get back to the hotel until 4 am - which is REALLY late on a school night! Upon getting out of the shower, I got a text from the Tour Guide. He was still interested in lunch. Was I? I was interested! Although I was supposed to have lunch with old colleagues... But I'll be back in London soon enough, I can meet them next time... Why not go on a date with the hot British Tour Guide?

It was a beautiful day in London. The sun was out. It was almost-warm (balmy compared to Boston actually). It felt like spring. We decided to walk around an art gallery (Museums are free in London which is really great). It was so much fun to walk around with him! He observed things in a different way than me and kept me amused with his running commentary. Obviously, being a certified Tour Guide means he has impressive knowledge of London and it's history. I learned more about the Chelsea area of London in that one afternoon than I had in all my time living there. Too bad I didn't know him when I actually LIVED in London. Funny how that works.

After the art gallery, we sat outside (yes it was that warm) in the sun and had coffee and continued to talk.All in all, it was a great date! I have not had a single positive interaction with a man since the British countryside incident. It was really nice to be back in the dating game. It was really nice to have a man interested in me. It was a really nice date. He was a really nice guy. Unfortunately, he kind of lives on the wrong continent.*

Sadly, the time caught up with us too quickly - I had a flight to catch, So, the Tour Guide walked me back to the hotel and saw me off in a cab to the airport to head to Stockholm.

Although excited to go meet my friends in Stockholm, I was sad to leave London. I wondered if I would ever hear from or see the Tour Guide again.

Stay tuned for the final installment of this trip: Stockholm! There is just so much to tell you. Also coming soon - a Valentine's Day post! It is tomorrow. It is not my favorite holiday although I've had some very interesting Valetntine's Day over the years in many different countries. And I just might have a date (a blind double date) lined up for tomorrow night! And if that doesn't get you excited, I also met a guy this weekend that I need to tell you about. AND are you curious at all about what has happened with the Tour Guide? Has he been in touch? Are we Facebook friends? Is he planning a visit? Stay tuned and find out!

*Note: I can now check number 4 of my list of dating challenges because I can now say that I have been on a date with an older man! http://womaninternational.blogspot.com/2011/01/dating-update-part-ii.html

Returning to London: Part I - The All Nighter 9 Feb 2011 4:08 PM (14 years ago)

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The smell of the plane as I entered the walkway to board made me feel nostalgic. It had been more than 3 months since I had last boarded a plane - the longest time in at least 5 years that I had been away from this mode of transportation. I do not particularly enjoy flying and suffer from anxiety before flights (I have a strong fear of dying on a plane), therefore I was surprised by the nostalgia I felt for something that I had formerly decided I hated. 

Back to Boston 7 Feb 2011 5:44 PM (14 years ago)

I'm baaaaack! Feels like I've been gone forever. Doesn't it?

The Battle of the Health Nut Vs. the Alcoholic Monster 26 Jan 2011 6:53 PM (14 years ago)

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I have two demons who live inside me who are at constant battle with one another. One one side, there is the health nut.

Standing Still 25 Jan 2011 7:05 PM (14 years ago)

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There was a night last fall when I found myself with colleagues standing in the middle of the Red Square at around 11:00 pm and all I could think about was going back to the hotel and sleeping. The next week I was in Rome standing in front of the Colliseum with a similiar thought. I was standing in the midst of some of the most historic places in the world and I was no longer thrilled. I was just tired. And that is when I knew I needed a break.

With this in mind, I took some actions that put forth a chain of events that caused me to move "home" to  Boston in late October. This has been just about the longest time I've been home in the US in 9 years.

I've been back in the US for almost 3 months now. And for the first time in a very long time, this International Woman of Mystery is standing still. Completely still. And I'm freaking out.*

And this stillness is making me crazy. I thought that standing still would be good for me, that taking a moment out of the jet-set madness that was my life would help me figure out who I am, what I'm doing and what I want to do next. I thought that moving back to the US would give me some answers as to what I want my life to be. I thought that stopping the non-stop travel and the long hours and the crazy work, would give me some perspective. I thought that maybe living in the place where I'm from and stopping the constant work-related travel would make it easier to meet men and form better friendships. I thought that for the first time in a long time, I could establish a routine and stick to it. I thought that standing still would be good for me, and in many ways it probably has been... But it has not been easy. I didn't think it would be easy.

But I didn't think it would be this hard.

At first it was exciting. It was like moving to a new country but with old familiarity. And there was all the logistics of finding a place, starting the job, getting settled. And that at least kept me very busy.  Now that the craziness of the move is over, and I've had time to take stock of my new world, it's suddenly starting to hit me. This is my life.

And when I lived abroad, when things got hard, I always told myself, well you can always "move home." And although I knew that moving home would be hard too, it always stood out in my mind as some kind of solution. Some kind of problem solver. Some kind of destination. Some kind of change that I could make that when I reached the end of all else, going home would be what was left and that would be ok.

But now I am home. And suddenly I realize that "home" is no longer home. And I feel like a foreigner in my own country. And I wonder where is "home?" And what is my next move? Where do I belong?

I don't regret moving back. I know it's what I needed at the time. I needed to stand still if for nothing else than to appreciate the ride when I get back on it. But I can already feel it... That same familiar feeling that has haunted me all these years -  my feet are getting restless and my heart is yearning for travel and adventure. I wonder how long I will actually stay here in Boston. I wonder what my next adventure will be. I wonder if things will get better here. Or if I will be off again too soon to find out.

I knew it would be hard. But I didn't ever think it would be this hard...

*I've been trying to write this blog post for almost 2 months now, but have been struggling to get it to try to convey the emotions that I'm feeling - I'm still not there but I wanted to post this before I took off for my first trip abroad since moving back. Weather permitting, I'm off on Thursday to London/Stockholm. The trip is bringing to head a lot of emotions and questions and fear and excitement and confusion. Since I've moved home, I've been struggling with the question - where do I belong? And where is home, if "home" no longer feels like home? And what do I do next? 

Dating Update part II 23 Jan 2011 6:52 PM (14 years ago)

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So, I've been feeling down in the dumps lately and dissapointed that I haven't met any men since moving to Boston. So, I wrote this post and asked my awesome readers for help and advice. 

Dating Update and a Challenge 19 Jan 2011 6:07 PM (14 years ago)

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I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking... but I did think that it would be easier to meet men when I moved home. I'm not really sure where I got this idea from although I think that the following thought process did take place:

While living abroad, I found it hard to meet men because I was so transient. I was always jetting off somewhere for work. It made it hard to date someone cuz when I met them I would be like, I'm off to Asia, then the US and then Sweden and I'll be back in 3 weeks so how does that sound? Umm... yup. It sounded crazy. Men found it intriguing but not really conducive to dating. On top of that I worked long long hours and didn't have a lot of free time to devote to dating.

I also heard from numerous men that I gave off a strong sense that I was not ready to settle down. I was pretty open about the fact that I wasn't ever sure when work would move me next (i.e. don't get too comfortable with me boys, cuz I'm not here for good). I was also open with the fact that job aside, I wasn't really sure that Sweden (and definitely not London) was going to be the place I called home for the rest of my life. I was pretty sure I wanted to live in the US again at some point for some time. I heard from multiple men multiple times that these things were a bit of a turn off or at least a deterrent for a long-term serious relationship. Believe it or not, most men weren't really up to switching continents for me.

Another thing that had a big impact on me and my reasoning on it will be easy to find a guy if I move home, was that a good Swedish friend of mine who moved to London decided to move back to Sweden and she instantly met the love of her life. Her happiness, her awesome new relationship and her outlook on the whole thing caused me to take a look around at my friends and I realized that when they made positive changes to their lives, positive things happened to them. I thought that for me making the positive change to move back to Boston and cutting the cord on The Company controlling where I lived, that this would be it.  I would finally find my positive place and positive things would start to happen to me. I would finally be in a place where I could meet someone.

So, I guess I thought it would be easier. Instead, it's been harder than ever! I'm in a SERIOUS dry spell here people! Other than a ego-deflating and embarrassing dalliance with a co-worker that I can't really blog about (I have to say though that I think I'm still a bit stung from this one) and the random boy on New Year's Eve (who I was supposed to see again until he called me a million times and I got freaked out and told him to never contact me again - yup that's how awesome my life is), there have been NO men in my life since the hot but brief British country-side romance in September. Four months ago. Ugh.

Every day I feel a little bit more like an Old Maid - the only single girl left in the pile (even I'm Attractive Single Friend C is potentially off the market). It's kind of freaking me out. Especially since I have almost no single wingmen (or women as it may be) to go out and cause trouble with. Clearly, it was time to take drastic measures. So, I finally switched over my Match.com account to the US one.

I swear that I went in with a good level of optimism, but I have to say that I'm totally unimpressed.

First of all, I'm not getting nearly as much attention as I did while on the International Match site. I'm not exactly sure why.

Second of all, the men in Boston do not seem to be that hot or that interesting. And most of them are short. I mean really short. Like 5'8 short. Ugh.

Third of all, the men I wink at, don't wink back at me! (Which I guess is a similar statement to point number one).

Someone please tell me. What am I doing wrong? I'm trying to figure it out.

My London profile got a lot of attention - so much so that I couldn't keep up (I would sometimes get over 100 winks a day). Maybe it's because that site was better** (i.e. more technologically advanced and more user friendly) or maybe there were more men on it. I'm not sure... I guess it would make sense as London is obviously a much bigger city than Boston. But, essentially my profile and pictures are the same (with just a few updates -i.e. I'm no longer an American living in London).

Or maybe my strategy is off. I wink at men, but I'm kind of shy. I usually let them email me first. So, if I wink and nothing happens, I just let it go. I know it's silly but I still kind of want the men to make the first move. Although again, this was the strategy I had on the International Match and it worked out ok.

Or maybe it's because my profile is to harsh. Because I got so much attention on that International site -and mostly from the wrong type of guys (lots and lots of them with half-naked pictures), I felt like I had to try to put up some boundaries so after spending at least an equal amount of page space describing myself, I wrote the following - which did help a little bit - but maybe it's a bit too harsh for the US? What do you think? It's not really deterring the short or old men anyway...

I have a thing for tall men. If you are under 6 feet tall, it's not going to work. If you post pictures of yourself bare chested posing in front of the mirror, you are also probably not my type. And I prefer younger men (in general younger than me). So... men over 36 sorry... most likely, not going to happen.

And by the way, I can't cook so it's better if you do..

Anyway, I think it's time for some drastic measures. Life Begins at Thirty - a fellow blogger in London - had an interesting idea by issuing a dating challenge. She asked her readers to suggest ways for her to meet men and then she composed a list of dating challenges she would try out and then write about her experience. Her idea is a good one. I think I'm going to steal it. So, what do you think? What kind of dating challenges would you propose for me? How should I meet men?

*I responded to two men who wrote to me. The first never wrote me back a second time. The second, well we'll see. I just wrote him back an hour ago.

**A couple years back the International Match or the UK one at least and the US one split and they are actually really different from each other now. The International Match is much better.

Sunday Funday 17 Jan 2011 1:19 PM (14 years ago)

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I was supposed to have a quiet weekend this weekend. I was supposed to be gearing up for a big detox that was supposed to quick start today.

I was supposed to go to a baby shower in New Hampshire and then come home and go to the gym, go to the grocery store, write an interesting blog post, and talk to my parents.

It  had been an unusually uneventful weekend. I had gone to dinner with a colleague on Friday night and was home early and I had stayed in on Saturday night. Sunday was supposed to be a calm end to a calm weekend that was suppossed to kickoff a calm two weeks of detoxing and being healthy before a trip to London and Stockholm which is bound to be madness and full of indulgence.

But oh no... This International Woman of Mystery couldn't handle a calm weekend! Especially when faced with the prospect of the next weekend being calm as well! This International Woman of Mystery fell subject to peer pressure and ended up participating in Sunday Funday and spending NINE hours in a bar on Sunday night skipping the gym and then skipping Boot Camp in the morning and coming to work grumpy and hungover.

I blame a lot of people for my misbehavior, my lack of gym going, the fact that I didn't make it to Boot Camp and the fact that I'm HUNGOVER today. Let me give you the rundown.

First, let me start by blaming the baby shower. The baby shower where NO COCKTAILS were to be found! I wasn't really planning to drink a lot a the shower. I was driving. But I wouldn't have minded 1 drink. A bloody mary or a mimosa would have done the trick. Stopped the craving. Kept the alcoholic monster that lives inside me at bay. But alas, there was no alcohol to be found at the baby shower. WTF? And the ugly alcoholic monster reared its ugly head.

Next, I blame Hot Married Friend L (who didn't have to work today - lucky girl) who took full advantage of the in-satiated alcoholic monster that lives within me and convinced me that we needed "just one drink." I mean after all.... we did just survive a long baby shower with NO ALCOHOL. (And, let's face it, no matter how you look at it, baby showers are just not that fun).

"I'm going to the gym." I told her.

"Don't you have boot camp tomorrow?" She asks. "You can skip the gym tonight and make up for it tomorrow." I made a face. "Or, you can have just one drink and go to the gym later." Famous. Last Words.

Hot Married Friend L dropped the subject after that but no matter how I looked at it, the thought of a cold spicy bloody mary was just way more appealing then the sweaty smelly gym. And as we got back to Boston, I found myself pulling up to my favorite local "tavern." "Just one drink," I told her. Famous. Last Words.

One drink of course turned into just one more drink and just one more drink and just one more... Next I blame the Patriots (there are an awful lot of people blaming the Patriots today). First, I blame the Patriots packing the bar with people and making an interesting atmosphere. Second, I blame the Patriots for losing (thank you Tom Brady for that stunning loss) because of course then we had to drink some more.

Then, I blame the table next to us for catching us as we put on our jackets and were getting ready to leave at a rather acceptable hour. I blame them for inviting us to play a card game with them and then I blame them for continuing to order more and more drinks.  And before we knew it, it was MIDNIGHT and we had been at the bar since 3:00! Isn't it amazing how time flies when you are getting drunk.

Next, I blame The Company for not having MLK day as a holiday! Because if it had been a holiday today, then the whole day would have been a whole lot better. And I could have really enjoyed my Sunday Funday without feeling guilty or dealing with a work hangover (those are the worst, I usually try to avoid them).

Most of all I blame the alcoholic monster that lives inside me for once again overpowering the health nut that I think still lives there as well (although it is possible he drowned in a pool of alcohol).

And finally I blame I'm Attractive Single Friend C who is SUPPOSED to be detoxing with me this week but has just sent me a text to say "I'm craving a drink." Not helpful C. Not helpful at all.

I'm standing strong though. I'm not drinking until the 27th when I'm scheduled to leave for London. (I'm hoping if I say that out loud enough times, I will convince myself that I can do it).

So, thus begins day one of a 10 day detox of no alcohol and healthy eating while I attempt to revive the health nut and nurture him back to health so he can stand up to the alcoholic monster and sometimes (at least 50% of the time) win the battle.

Unfortunately, the bagel this morning was necessary to soak up the alcohol in my stomach (for some reason we managed to be at a bar for nine hours without eating dinner) but that was it... Now it's only healthy boring foods and water and tea. I had a big salad for lunch. Baby steps. Baby steps.

But please forgive me if I'm extremely grumpy these next days while I'm cultivating the health nut and reducing the strength of the alcoholic monster.

What did you do this weekend? Did you have a Sunday Funday too? Or did your inner health nut triumph over the alcoholic monster?

Snow Day 12 Jan 2011 6:14 PM (14 years ago)

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Today was a Snow Day in Boston! Yippeee!!! Actually, technically I should have gone to the office. Despite the Mayor and the Governor declaring a state of emergency, everyone who "could" go to the office was sort of supposed to go in. And as much as I tried to convince myself that a 15 minute walk which would absolutely turn into a 30 minute walk in the snow would be completely impossible... well, it just wasn't really believable. It's total discrimination that people who drive in get a day off and people who walk in do not. I mean walking can be dangerous too. I could fall (I do this a lot - in fact, I totally wiped out while walking to work the other day in much less treacherous conditions). I could be hit by a car that spins off the road. I could get frostbite. I could turn up at the office totally soaking wet. In true blizzard conditions (I'm not sure we actually achieved this today), I could wind up disoriented and accidentally drown in the Charles River...

So, I declared a snow day anyway (after checking with other "walkers" and making sure they were staying home too) and worked from home. Isn't it so nice to work in your pajamas from your cozy bed once in awhile? Other then venturing out to the grocery store and to the gym (it's right next door so I really couldn't find an excuse not to go), I huddled at home all day. I wish I had someone to frolic in the snow with... That would have been fun too. Although 6 am boot camp tomorrow morning should bring about enough snow frolicking. That will be interesting. Remind me again why I thought boot camp in January was a good idea?

Oh and I made good use of the snow day and finally switched my Match.com account over the the US version - which actually meant setting up a whole new profile... So far, I'm not very impressed with the men on Match in Boston. Anyone have any better recommendations for dating sites? Stay tuned for more rants about online dating coming soon.

Actually, the snow kind of messed up the week and while a bit exciting, it was disappointing as well. Yesterday, we had a kickoff for work. We went up to a mountain in New Hampshire. The plan was to ski, have a meeting, have dinner, drink/party/dance, stay over night and head back in the morning (i.e. today). Unfortunately, due to the weather, we ended up having to come back last night instead. So essentially, yesterday I spent over 6 hours on a bus with my colleagues. And because I wasn't ready to get out on the slopes - having not snowboarded in about 10 years, I basically just went up to a mountain to "hang out" with 175 of my colleagues. Of course this meant I found myself in the lodge with a bloody mary in hand by noon.

Due to the fact that we now needed to leave the ski resort by 8 pm, the whole event got thrown off and the actual meeting part of the kickoff was postponed to be held back in Boston later this week. So, all the events of the night got pushed up so that we ended up having dinner at 3:30 and by that time everyone was well into their 4th or 5th drink. After dinner we headed to a rather fun bar in the "village" and proceeded to drink and dance. It was like we were in a time warp. At one point, I could have sworn it was at least midnight but when I checked the time, it was only 7 pm. We all kept commenting on the time and how early it was and how inappropriately drunk we all were for a such an early hour. But nevertheless, we proceeded to have a good time and get the dance floor going. Unfortunately, just as things started to really get fun, we had to get on the buses and drive back to Boston. Boo! Although I have to say, having to be on the buses at 8 did keep people out of trouble. My bus was pretty tame on the way home. Will be interesting to hear other stories tomorrow. Would have been more interesting to stay over night. Oh well. Next time. Luckily, The Company is always doing fun things.

So, what about you? Did you get a snow day today? What did you do on your snow day?

Hope you are having a fab week!

XOXO

Resolutions for 2011 9 Jan 2011 4:48 PM (14 years ago)

As the first week of the New Year draws to and end, I guess it's time to share with you my resolution for 2011.

2010 was a year of lots of changes for me. I'm finally standing still in one place and I'm taking stock of my life and I'm realizing that maybe I'm not really where I want to be...



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After giving these questions a lot of thought, I could only come to one conclusion: I don't love myself very much right now. And I realize that if I don't love myself very much, if I'm not feeling like I'm in a positive place, if working more toward self-destruction than self-improvement, if I'm engaging in negative behaviours rather than in positive ones, if I'm being unhealthy rather than striving for healthiness, if I'm running away from things rather than embracing the world around me and trying to make it a better place, and again if I don't love myself very much then it's most likely going to be pretty hard for me to find anyone else to love me.

So, my new year's resolution for 2011 is


That's it. Learn to love myself more.

Under this massive generalization, there are many sub-categories such as: 

• Drink Less
• Eat healthier
• Exercise more
• Drink more water
• Have a bikini-ready body by beach 2011
• Focus on positive things
• Limit negative interactions with negative people
• Only pursue men worth pursuing - i.e. Ask men up front if they have a girlfriend and walk away right away if they say that they do
• Read more
• Take some classes
• Do things that I love to do - like throw parties, travel, run, read, write 
• Be ok with being single until I find the right person

I've kicked started the year with more focus on healthy eating. I've started eating porridge (my work has a porridge bar) for breakfast - you know the really boring unsweetened kind that is super good for you and is kind of tasteless. I have to say though, it makes a difference. I feel a lot less hungry throughout the day. I've also sadly gotten rid of the glass of red wine I was unfortunately getting into a habit of drinking every night as I caught up on blogs. I miss it. Oh boy do I miss it. I'm now drinking tea instead. I still don't really like tea... But I feel better now that I'm not drinking every night.

Unfortunately, the bar at work still pulls me in and on Friday night I had too much beer and felt hungover Saturday... Oh well. Baby steps. I didn't say I was quitting drinking - that would be boring. But I'm going to try to drink a bit less (and get in less trouble as a result) over all.

I've also managed to make it to the gym 5 times this week despite a cold. And tomorrow Boot Camp starts up again. Someone please please please remind me why I thought that doing a 6am Boot Camp in Boston in JANUARY was a good idea? I'm going to FREEZE!!! Say nothing of the fact that my heat is for some reason not working in my apartment (my little gas fireplace is attempting to heat the place until the management company can take a look tomorrow).

The last two weeks in Jan, I'm planning a 10 day detox from alcohol and bad foods. I'm sure I'll write more about this later.

Other than that... I'm trying to figure out what things make me happy. I love having things to look forward to so I'm trying to create things in the future that I'm excited about. I'm looking forward to a trip to London and Stockholm (primarily for business but with some long weekends thrown in to see friends) at the end of Jan/beginning of Feb. I'm planning to throw a Valentine's Day party. I'm hoping to plan a long weekend in Miami with girlfriends. I'm going to SXSW in Austin (work is sending me) which is hopefully going to be great!

So, that's it. My New Year's resolution for 2011. What's yours?

Reflections on 2010 4 Jan 2011 5:27 PM (14 years ago)

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The end of a year, the beginning of a new one... what better time for reflections and resolutions. And I'm definitely in a reflective mode (and trying to dry out after too many Christmas spirits). So, this post will be a reflection on 2010 and the next will most likely be a post about resolutions (or not since sometimes I change my mind).

It's been a big year.

In January and February of last year, I decided that I needed to figure out my life and try to  have fun. The year before had been hard because I was forced to move from my beloved Sweden to London and was given a crazy impossible job with looong hours and lots of travel. I had also just broken up with my Beautiful Swedish Boyfriend and I was feeling pretty bummed out. Since 2009 had been a pretty tough year, I was really hoping that 2010 would bring about some much needed change. And I wanted to document that change, so I started this blog - New Year, New Blog.  I decided that I would try out the dating scene in London. I also decided that it's pretty hard to be friends with your ex, so I cut him out of my life completely. After trying out different men and experiencing various BAD DATES, I had a visit from a Hot American Boy and we had a Great American Affair in London (by the way, American Boy is still the best guy I have met in the past year - if only we were more compatible in the bedroom...). I remember January and February of last year as "the calm before the storm." For the first time in many years (until now), I didn't travel anywhere for 8 weeks and I just got to enjoy living in London and not working quite as insane hours. And you know what? I actually had a lot of fun!

Then March came around and that all ended as I began the launch of a huge project at work that continued to make my life miserable right up until the day I decided to leave London (and work-wise might have played a large role in the need for a change). As I was constantly on a plane and in the office in March, I only wrote 4 blog posts but it was apparently a reflective month for me. I thought about what it meant to be an International Woman of Mystery fine tuned my Internet Dating Strategy, wondered what we all did before Facebook and wondered why all my friends were getting married, while I was just getting drunk.

In April there was Easter and I continued to be very busy at work. There was also the small issue of the volcano in Iceland that wrecked havoc on air travel and caused all London airports to shut down. It was very weird to see not a plane in the sky especially since this coincided with a lovely spring weekend. The volcano did get me out of a Brazil and a China trip though.

In May I spent two weekends in Spain! First, I visited my brother in Barcelona and I went on a work trip to Madrid where we spent the weekend having a blast!  And I started to worry about the FIVE weddings I would attend that summer as a single gal.

In June, I went to my first wedding of the season in Sweden. I also returned home to the US for vacation and went to the second wedding in Western Mass. Then I went to a third wedding in San Fransisco!

In July, I celebrated the Fourth of July in the US and I went to the fourth wedding on Nantucket. After my long vacation, I returned to London and was back to hanging out with Swedes. It was at this time, that I decided that I would soon be leaving London and returning to the US. I decided that I should get out and explore London as much as possible, even if I had to do it on my own.

In August, I went on a trip to Smogen in Sweden with the girls. I also went to South Africa. In-between all this jet-setting, I found some time to Internet Date and went on a date with a Sexy Cop.

By September, my time in London was limited although I was less sad about leaving London then being far away from  my beloved Sweden. I mourned the end of the summer and I felt sad when I found out my ex (as in the love of my life ex boyfriend) had gotten engaged. I also told the story of how I became an International Woman of Mystery in parts one two and three and I then announced to all my blog friends that I was moving back to the US and starting the next chapter of my life. And of course just 2 weeks before I was supposed to leave London, I met the most perfect man in the most romantic setting of the British countryside and we spent an amazing night together. Unfortunately, he had a girlfriend - if he didn't I might never have actually left.

In October, I went to the fifth and final wedding of the season in Sweden. I also MOVED HOME to the US and bought my first car, began to rediscover America, started my new job, found an apartment and celebrated Halloween.

In November, I moved into my new apartment in Beacon Hill and learned a lot about what to do and what not to do when moving. I quickly realized that moving and buying all new furniture all alone, was very hard. There were so many times I was desperate for a man to help me. But in the end, I did it on my own and have come to love my cozy little apartment. I also celebrated my first Thanksgiving in the US in a very long time.

And finally comes December where I hit my 100th blog post! Yay! It was actually my final post of 2010 - how appropriate, but I kind of wasted it by drunk blogging about a silly night out in Boston - how typical. In December, I had a disappointing visit from Nomad Boy and I had trouble getting into the Christmas spirit. But then I found myself getting into all sorts of trouble BECAUSE of all the Christmas spirits (and this is why I'm drinking a cup of tea right now instead of my usual glass of red wine... sadly, overindulgence has lead to the need to detox. Can I just point out that tea is JUST NOT the SAME as a glass of red wine)? And finally to end the year, I wrote a pathetic and pleading letter to Santa to find me a perfect man - Santa Baby - I'm counting on you! Please don't let me down.  

So, that's it. That's my year in review. A momentous year in the fact that I moved home. But also a sad, lonely and difficult year. I really hope that 2011 will be better.

New Year's Eve 3 Jan 2011 6:51 PM (14 years ago)

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New Year's Eve and I are not really friends. Every year I dread this night as I listen to friends make fabulous plans and realize that I don't have fabulous plans of my own. Every year I fret about what to do and who to do it with, what to wear... and almost every year it comes down to the last minute and I have no real plans.

And unfortunately, New Year's Eve is also a couples night. If you are in a relationship, you obviously hang out with that person. For those of us not in a relationship... well, New Year's Eve becomes much harder.

But seriously? Is New Year's Eve not the most hyped up night ever? I mean at the end of the day, it's just a night like every other night. But for some reason, there is this need for it to be perfect, and memorable and magical and whatever other bullshit adjective you can think of.

I've had some good New Year's Eves in the past... although not many. I often spend the night with my brother and I have to say that I always have fun with him. When we were children we used to spend it with our "Other Brother" (i.e. the son of my parent's best friends who we spent lots of time with as children). They would get us a baby-sitter and buy us party hats and decorations and the poor babysitter would then have to deal with us running around the house and making noise until after midnight.

Memorable New Years including ringing in the New Year with my brother in San Fransisco which was fun because I made him buy like $100 of NYE party decorations just like when we were little and we drank LOTS of champagne and the best part was "Other Brother" was even there to celebrate with us as he lives in San Fran (you might remember his wedding this summer) so it was just like old times but with alcohol which obviously made it more fun.

I have also rung in the New Year in New York City with my brother and the Beautiful Swede where we spent way too much money on a hotel room and a party although I still kind of think it was worth it cuz it was reall fun.

There was a New Years' spent in China with the Scottish boy. Let me tell you - Sooooo anti-climactic since Chinese do not even celebrate it. We actually were in a taxi when it turned midnight although we didn't notice until later. I then proceeded to sleep for 2 hours on the bar (jet lag - I had arrived from the US that morning) and then get in a massive fight with the Scottish boy for allowing me to sleep in the bar for 2 hours rather than doing the right thing and taking me home. "You were having fun!" he said.

I spent a much better New Year's with the Scottish Boy in Scotland where we stayed in a castle (this was my first experience staying in a castle long before this became a regular occurrence in my life - seriously, I have stayed in at least 3 castles in the last 7 months - although obviously those days are over as there are no castles in Boston) Actually, this was probably the best New Year's Eves ever as we just stayed in and had a cozy fire and the Scottish boy cooked me a romantic dinner (and I pretended to help) and then we had champagne and took a bubble bat - bubbles and bubbles: my favorite combination.

Last year however was a tough one as I was still getting over the Beautiful Swede who had been nice enough to inform me that he "really missed me" but he had a date for New Year's Eve (this was exactly 2 days before I decided never ever to speak with him again), so I spent New Year's Eve moping, missing him and being the only single person at a couples party in Connecticut.

This year I thought about totally skipping New Year's altogether. Flight tickets for Sweden were too expensive and with a project launching at work, it wasn't really an option. And as most of my friends these days seem to be married and having kids and even my single partner-in-crime I'm Attractive Single Friend C had a date with a guy nicknamed McSteamy (seriously, who has a first date on New Year's Eve - that's I'm Attractive Single Friend C for you though and from what I hear it was definitely steamy), I once again had no plans.

Luckily a new friend, Gorgeous Single N, invited me along with her friends who were planning to go for dinner at Harvard Gardens.

And since Gorgeous Single N was nice enough to let me borrow her friends for the night, I decided to invite the group over to my apartment to pre-game it before going to dinner (luckily I was not too hungover from my escapades the night before). Of course, as this was New Year's Eve, I decided that this should be a classy affair with shrimp cocktail and champagne (because that's how I roll). So, a random group of New Year's Eve single misfits gathered at my house. We were a motley crew for sure as many of us observed throughout the night. While some of our group new each other closely, most of us knew just one other person. It was all a bit random but that's what made it all kind of fun.

One of the women brought a huge bag full of party hats and decorations and noisemakers. She called this "flair" which I've never heard it called before but I thought it was a fantastic name! And I was so happy since it reminded me of New Year's Eves past. I LOVE "flair" and I'm usually the one to bring it but had forgotten about it this year so I was really glad that someone else had thought of it. 

Example of "flair" View Source

Highlights of the night include:

• Walking into Harvard Gardens wearing our New Year's Eve party hats and "flair" and making lots of noise with noisemakers so that everyone else was starting at us
• Our table that was literally "created" for us on the dance floor so we were literally sitting in the center of a busy restaurant (this was due to us booking late and continuing to add more people)
• Being the loudest and the most obnoxious table at the restaurant with all our noisemakers and party favors
• Bringing our own New Year's Eve Centerpiece with us to the restaurant (courtesy of me from a NYE party I hosted in Sweden - yes, I apparently carry party decorations around the world with me).
• Handing out noisemakers to the children at the table next to ours (I'm sure their parents were thanking us)
• An engaged man in hot pursuit of a girl in our group (Seriously? Are all men assholes? Or are all men just totally stupid? I mean why announce right off the bat that you are engaged then pursue her all night? At least lie!) 
• A whole slew of boring men that took turns talking to the girls in our group including the obnoxious investment banker and the over-enthusiastic marathon runner whose goal in life was to run a marathon on all 7 continents
• The unfortunate appearance of Gorgeous Single N's ex-boyfriend (there was no stalking going on, just a sad coincidence - I mean who wants to be stuck at a bar with your ex on New Year's Eve)
• The fact that Gorgeous Single N's ex-boyfriend has been such a jerk to her that several girls in our group had to go up and give him a piece of their mind and stick up for their girl(he was a big JERK - so much so that I might have to blog about it later when I write an inevitable blog about why all men are assholes)
• An unmemorable count down with no fun boys to kiss at midnight
• The appearance of a cute boy later who made up for the lack of kisses at midnight
• An after party at my place (further endearing me to my neighbors I'm sure)
• Having a fun night with other single people

And while I can't say that it was the best New Year's Ever, I can say that it turned out to be a random and fun night and I made some new friends. Thanks to Gorgeous Single N and all her awesome friends for making it so great!

Happy New Year to everyone! I'm looking forward to hear how you spent the end of 2010 and what you have in store for 2011!

Clearly this next week will be about reflections and resolutions. Stay tuned!

XOXO

One Night in Boston 30 Dec 2010 10:19 PM (14 years ago)

Let me please preface this blog by saying that I'm Attractive Single Friend C put me up to this. And by this, I mean this blog post.

She felt our night was blog worthy. And while I couldn't totally disagree... I felt that this night was more sleep worthy than anything else***, but because she's awesome, and I love her, well I'm humoring her. And at the same time, I'm offering you dear blog friends a disclaimer - I might be a little more than tipsy while writing this. If you disapprove, stop reading and come back tomorrow. I'll be sober then. If not... well keep on reading!

So, back to tonight. Let me start by saying, I wish that I could leave work at 4:00 every day. Today we had an early dismissal at 3:00 but because I'm awesome, I stayed until 4:00. And then I found time to do healthy things like run for an hour before embarking on a weekend of drinking. Seriously. It was a good thing.

At 8:00 pm I found myself meeting I'm Attractive Single Friend C and Hot Married Friend S at the Liberty Hotel for dinner at Scampo. Dinner progressed as dinner between girls should with lots of sex talk and a discussion on whether or not I should throw a sexy lingerie (i.e. you have to wear lingerie) party here for Valentine's Day (I have done this with much success in Stockholm although was met with much resistance from the girls here - we'll surely come back to this topic). We got through dinner without much weirdness unless you count the guy next to us wanting to "borrow" a breadstick from us.

Next, we decided to explore the bar scene.  I'm Attractive Single Friend C and Hot Married Friend S quickly deemed downstairs Clink to be "too crowded" so we headed upstairs to the equally crowded but more spacious bar space there. After a small altercation at the bar where by innocently speaking to the guy at the bar next to me, I managed to bring on the intense wrath of his wife, I'm Attractive Single Friend C had a great idea to sit down in some empty chairs but suddenly a waif-like waitress came up and forcefully removed us by assuring us that "Ryan" who had reserved the table was on his immediate way and we could absolutely not sit there for one single second longer.

So we humored the waitress and got up and then we watched "Ryan's group" enter. They appeared to be a young group of Douch Bags. * And they seemed extremely drunk. It was seconds before they were talking to us. I think that their entry conversation had to do with something about if we saw someone spit on someone else. I kid you not - it was that bad.

I'm Attractive Single Friend C, being the mature person that she is, suggested that we leave immediately but for some reason (perhaps my own immature inclination to stay) we didn't do such a thing and instead remained and soon found the absurdness of "Ryan's Group" deteriorate into further hilariousness that we couldn't help but to appreciate and participate in.

Ok - so what that they were average age of 24 and we told them that it would be impossible that we could be no older than 28? And so what that I figured out who "Ryan" was and even though he claimed to live in London and was kind of cute but he ended up being a total DB?** So what if they were amusing themselves by hitting each other? So what if this one bald guy was begging us not to leave because he was only 26 and we were definitely not that older than him? So what if we decided to end the shenanigans early (much to my dismay) and move on somewhere else? So what if that somewhere else should have been home (tomorrow night being New Year's Eve and all)? So what if we instead went to Harvard Gardens, the Hill and the 21st Amendment? So what if we drank 3 drinks at the 21st Amendment?

SO WHAT?

I'll tell you SO WHAT? It was a funny night. I laughed and I laughed and I laughed A LOT. But now it's after 2:00 and I'm home and I'm a little more drunk than I wanted to be and I'm not really looking forward to New Year's Eve. That's what's SO WHAT!

*Note that it was not me who described them in such a way. I'm still not comfortable enough here in the USA to use the terms Douch Bag although it does seem widely spread.
**DB = Douch Bag (doesn't it sound better)?
***Editor's note the day after - I have NO idea what I meant by this. And there are a few other sentence constructions that don't work out very well either. Sorry!

4 Things 30 Dec 2010 2:29 PM (14 years ago)

Ghosts of Christmas Past 28 Dec 2010 6:22 PM (14 years ago)

Christmas is over. PHEW!

What happened to me this year? Usually I love this holiday. But this year it just seemed like one big hassle.


This year I did "go home" to Western Massachusetts but when I'm just driving an hour and a half from Boston, well it just wasn't the same.

And as I mentioned before, Christmas with just the four of us - my mother, father, brother and I - is a bit sad and well very very low key.

This year Christmas went something like this:

• Mom doing her annual cooking (that's right, she only cooks a big real meal about one time per year) and complaining and hating every minute of it
• My brother and I offering to help, mom not letting us and then complaining that we never help
• My brother and I drinking 
• My mother yelling at my brother and I for every little thing we did including at one point yelling out "Hey! No laughing while drinking!" I had red wine on the couch and was laughing and although there was no danger of spilling, my mother still felt that the glass of red wine + laughter = bad news for the couch
• My brother and I making fun of my mother for being so OCD
• My brother and I drinking
• Visiting Grandfather in the nursing home - always nice to see him but always sad that he can't join us at our house for Christmas the way he always did 
• My brother and I doing all our shopping (which really wasn't that much) on Christmas Eve and then staying up until 3 am to wrap presents
• The annual Christmas Eve eating and song singing with a couple who are my parent's close friends
• Christmas morning stocking unwrapping and breakfast eating (yummy breakfast casserole)
• Me spending hours and hours pre-Christmas to make family photo calendars only to find that they are all messed up (thank you Kodak) and being very disappointed)
• Mom burning my favorite part of Christmas dinner
• Me sulking about the burned part of Christmas dinner since it's the only time my mother ever cooks - have I mentioned that before? And my mother being mad with me.
• Mom swearing she will never ever ever cook again (yes, we are now reducing the cooking from 1 time per year to 0 times - although I do think that for the sanity of everyone involved it might be better if my brother and I take over this activity from now on). 
• The annual Risk game that we never finish - me sulking that I'm loosing. I always loose. I hate loosing. My brother getting mad at me for being a bad sport (I am a very very sore looser).
• Me making everyone watch The Sound of Music (which is always on Dec 26th) and everyone else in the family pretending to hate it but actually liking it more than they want to admit
• My brother and I getting stranded another night at my parents due to the inclement weather
• My brother and I drinking

This year Christmas was mediocre at best. I couldn't help but think back to Christmas' in the past when things felt just a bit more magical and special.

Let me share with you my Ghosts of Christmas Past in no particular order - just a random sampling of memories:

• Gram and Gramp coming to stay - they always played a very central role in the Christmas festivities and they made Christmas so festive
• My Grandmother would always dress up in a Christmas sweater, earrings and a Christmas pin (or broach - is that the right word)?
• When we were younger, my brother and I were so excited for Christmas! We couldn't wait to open all the presents. We would be so excited we couldn't sleep and waking my parents up as soon as they would let us.
• We always got to open one gift on Christmas Eve. It was usually a really good present. One year it was a Care Bear and another it was these little toy pianos (which I'm sure my parents regretted giving us)
• Other great Christmas gifts included: the wooden building blocks my grandfather hand-made us (those were our absolute favorite childhood toy); the wooden tool benches my father made us, the tape recorder and the books on tape (I remember my grandmother sitting with me listening to the books)
• We believed in Santa for a loooong time - that made Christmas fun.
• We always left milk and cookies for Santa
• Before we went to bed, my grandfather would always say that he thought he could hear Rudolph up on the roof
• As we got older, we got excited to give people gifts. We always spent a lot of time shopping for the "perfect" gifts - although we tended to choose quantity over quality. We loved to see LOTS of presents under the tree
• When we were still young enough to be super excited about Christmas, we were allowed to "tip toe" downstairs after the parents and grandparents were in bed and put our presents under the tree - I still remember how exciting it felt to get that first glimpse of the presents under the tree in the dark room. I would take a long time searching for the perfect place to put my presents. I remember how disappointed I was the first year that my parents brought out the presents before we "went to bed" they said we were too old and stayed up too late for them to wait any longer. I honestly think that until that day (I was 15) I still believed in Santa or at least in the miracle of Christmas. After that it was just never as special.
• Christmas Eve family jams - my brother and my father are very musical and sometimes I can be convinced to sing. This is one of the few traditions that still lives on.
• Grammy's ginger snap cookies and Christmas cheese
• Santa hanging boxes full of candy all over the tree - and sometimes we could even eat the candy before breakfast!
• Mom's lasagna for Christmas Eve, breakfast casserole on Christmas morning and Ham and home-made macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner

What are your favorite Christmas memories? How was your Christmas this year? I hope that you all had a great one! And while I'm all bah humbug still, I sincerely wish you a warm and happy holiday with your families and friends.

Christmas Spirits 20 Dec 2010 6:24 PM (14 years ago)

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This past week was our work Christmas party which The Company has on Thursday nights in order to try to keep it more "low key" but it still turned into a complete shitshow anyway. Throw 700 mostly under 35 together in a big room and things are bound to get crazy (not too crazy though I swear, I wouldn't want to spread rumors causing another article about our infamously awesome parties mostly because I'm sure that every single young company has the same type of shenanigans). But for real. It was a good level of crazy. Not obscene. I promise - or at least this is what it looked like from where I stood (at the bar) and I haven't heard any crazy stories in the aftermath.

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The theme was something silly and we were told to wear sparkles. And while I didn't rock out a crazy sparkly dress as an LBD is way more my style, in my usual over-the-top trying-to-be-glamorous manner, I piled on the bling with sparkly bracelets and earrings and topped it off with an awesome faux leopard fur jacket and a sparkly head band.

And everything was going along just fine and I was chatting away to important people... When suddenly I realized two things:

• One, I was standing by the bar. Like RIGHT next to it. ALL night. And every time it seemed that I took a SIP of my drink (sorry, feeling the need for some serious caps on random words - deal with it) someone else was handing me another one (red wine was apparently the Christmas Spirit haunting me that night). So, suddenly I found that I was getting a little bit drunker than I meant to. And I kept asking for water and I kept ending up with another glass or red wine. And of course that meant I HAD to pound my initial glass. And on and on the cycle went...
• Two, my sparkly head band was hurting my head. So, of course the ONLY thing to be done was to take it off and put it on other people and take pictures of them wearing it. This seemed like a SUPER fabulous idea at the time. Okay, I admit I was VERY amused by this when I discovered those pictures over the weekend. I am saving them for blackmail purposes.

The next great idea I had was inviting VIP people over to my house for an after party until 4:30 in the morning. Ummm... SO not a good idea! What a way to make an impression on my new colleagues. Or maybe it was a good idea? Yet to be determined.

I vaguely remember singing the national anthem, smoking cigarettes out my window and blaring my music. Yes, I've been hiding from my neighbors all weekend and praying not to bump into any colleagues who were at the scene of the crime.

Let me tell you what was SO NOT a good idea. Waking up on Friday morning was so NOT a good idea. Especially since I woke up at 10 am having supposed to have been at work at 9 (and no matter how much of a hot mess I tell you I am in my social life, I promise you that 90% of the time I have a very professional life and a senior role at my company and I almost never ever drink during the week - at least not more than a couple drinks - and I try to be professional most of the time which is kind of boring so I don't blog about it - obviously it's way more fun to talk about all the situations the Christmas spirits are making me get into rather than the cool stuff I work on at work).

So, I'm racing to work in my CAR (having decided to drive a bunch of us girls back the night before for a pre-party - I usually walk back and forth and just leave my car at work which is much safer for me and the rest of the city of Boston as I'm a TERRIBLE driver - I'm about to prove this point). Let's keep in mind that by this point I've already gotten not ONE but TWO parking tickets because I totally didn't even hear my alarm overslept and was parked in a meter space. And even in my hangover daze, I'm aware that I'm probably still drunk and therefore SHOULDN'T be driving but I need to move the car so I can stop getting tickets and work is really close... So, I make it into the office and I'm all ready to breath a big sigh of relief and am thank God for my safety and everyone else's when SHIT!!! Someone has parked in my spot (damn Christmas spirits making EVERYONE do crazy things). Small moments of panic ensue... What do I do? I decide to turn around and go park in visitor parking. Unfortunately... my car and the Christmas spirits had another idea and the car decided to make a connection with the stationary concrete post rather than nicely easing into the spot. MAJOR scrapes and dents. Oh man!

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Needless to say that the rest of the day did not get any better and my hangover got progressively worse and I realized that my car was seriously damaged and that I would have to pay major mula to get it fixed. And although I manage to behave myself on Friday night by staying in and going to bed early, I was unable to keep from going out with the Christmas spirits and sexy friend A and dancing up a storm on Saturday!

I'm considering a detox for a couple weeks in Jan.  Surely, I can not drink for 2 weeks? Right? RIGHT? I also plan to give up everything else that makes life nice like sugar, salt, gluten, meat, dairy... but I've decided that I need to keep one vice and that will be caffeine...

Ok - back to my red wine Christmas spirit and the cozy fireplace and Christmas tree and the thoughts about starting to do some Christmas wrapping...

One from the archives 19 Dec 2010 6:47 PM (14 years ago)

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I was once asked to join a Facebook group called My Friend are Getting Married, I'm Just Getting Drunk. I don't think I joined the actual group, but the name of the group really struck a chord with me. It seemed like (still seems like) the perfect description of my life. In fact, I think a more apt description would be All my Friends are getting Married and/or Having Babies while I'm just Getting Drunk.

Once upon a time in the not so distant past, it seemed like all my friends were single. Together we enjoyed girl's nights out that consisted of talking about all the men in our lives over glasses of wine, getting drunk, dancing, flirting with men, possibly going home with some man after flirting and dancing with him, then calling your each other the next morning trade stories and laugh about the many shenanigans that took place the night before... You know the deal.

But sometime, when I wasn't paying attention everything changed. It was like the rest of the people around me suddenly grew up and started being adults and I just stayed the same fun-loving immature single gal. Suddenly I look around and everyone is either married, getting married, getting divorced, getting married again, or having their first - and in some cases their second or third - babies!

Let me give you some statistics to prove my point. Since last November, 5 of my close friends have had babies, this summer I will attend 5 weddings. And sad but true, I can only count 4 single friends and unfortunately not one of them lives in London. And with Facebook bringing you into up-close-and-personal contact with the daily lives of your 500+ friends and acquaintances through exuberant pictures and status updates (seems like the thing to do is post your baby's picture as your profile picture), I can't help feeling like there is some kind of massive marriage/baby boom going on out there? And how have I managed to miss this? When I decide to just get drunk and not get married?

I try to think back to when I was a little kid and what I envisioned my life to be like when I was older... Where did I see myself at 31 years old? Honestly, I draw a big blank. Besides wanting to live abroad and become an International Woman of Mystery (seriously - I actually saw that as my destiny but that's a whole other blog in itself), I didn't really ever see myself getting married and having children. But I didn't actually see myself NOT doing it either though. I just never had a visual picture of myself with a baby and a husband. I guess I just thought that at some point there would be some natural progression towards that lifestyle - that like all the others around me (or so it seems) I wouldn't have to think about it - it would just happen. However, so far. It has not happened. And actually, I still have trouble conjuring up an image of myself with a husband and a baby - I mean can any of you see me with a baby on one arm and a man I go home to every night? Exactly... See... that's what I'm talking about.

The very strange thing is that I feel that my childhood and upbringing should have given me a good view of marriage and kids. I mean my parents are still married. I had a great childhood. I love my parents and they love my brother and I and they brought us up well (although admittedly I might be a little biased here). And despite the fact that my brother and I both currently live abroad, we have an extremely close family and enjoy spending time together and try to do so as often as we can.

But if I reflect back on my childhood, I have to say that I have never really seen myself as a very maternal person, nor have I ever seen myself as a traditional wife. To me the word HOUSEWIFE has always equaled a dirty word. I knew early on that I was going to be a career woman. I think this in part comes from having a very strong and dominating Mother. There was no question who ruled our household. Even today she is more driven and ambitious than my Father - and she makes more money than him (Dad - if you are reading this - don't worry I love you anyway, you were the "fun" parent).

 My Mother taught me that being a strong woman was important. She was my role model from day one and I have admired strong women ever since. I can honestly say that I was shocked to find out that women were not the dominant sex in the rest of the world. In fact, it was my neighbor who pointed this out to me. I still remember the day that he tried to tell me women belonged at home with the babies cleaning and cooking. From that day on we became rivals and I set out to prove to the world that women could in fact dominate the world and were absolutely the superior Sex.
Another unusual reflection from my childhood involves "playing house." It is a natural thing for children to want to mimic the lives of adults or imagine how their lives as adults will be. Playing house is a natural part of childhood. However... being the strong-minded (and admittedly sometimes strange) child that I was, I had very strict rules on how I thought you should play house. I never ever ever played house in the traditional sense. In the elaborate stories I created for my friends and I to act out (I'm sure you are all very surprised to hear that I was a bossy child - shocker) we never had a traditional family unit with a mother, father, kids, dog, the house with the white picket fence etc. Instead I always insisted that we play run away children or even better, I liked to play that I was a single woman (an Aunt maybe) who adopted children. Although I often convinced guys to play with me, I never once wanted to be the mom or wife in the game of house.

Can you believe that? Even as a child, I could NOT even pretend to have a husband or pretend to get married. It seriously grossed me out! And I never pretended to be a mother as in having actual children that were supposed to be my own. When I played with my dolls - it was the same thing. Barbie and Ken were always either boyfriend and girlfriend or brother and sister or more likely just plain friends. Actually, usually I was too busy enacting camping scenes in the woods and having them drown in the river and need rescuing to really care too much about the intricacies of their relationship (I was a bit of a Tomboy as a child). So, even as young as 5 years old, I already knew that I couldn't see myself as a mother or as a person who gets married. Or perhaps even at that age I was already doubting myself as the kind of person guys would want to marry.

It will probably come as no surprise then that Peter Pan was my favorite book as a child. I used to make my father read it to me over and over again. Even at an early age I felt a strong identification with Peter Pan and the lost boys who lived in Never Neverland and never wanted to grow up. I remember telling my Father that I was never going to grow up either. But I guess even Peter Pan had to grow up... I mean we all saw the movie Hook right? If you haven't, seriously - watch it. It's great!

The thing is... I'm not exactly ready to trade my international life and my career in tomorrow for a husband and kids - just the thought sends me into a semi-panic attack. But I'm starting to realize that kids, a husband, stability are probably things that I want in the future. I'm also realizing that partying every weekend, working long hours, and jet setting around the world is not exactly conducive behavior for fostering any kind of permanent relationship or settling down and there is absolutely no way to fit children into this lifestyle. I kept thinking I could do it all. But now I'm realizing that maybe it's just not possible. And since I can't run away with the Lost Boys to Never Neverland and hide away in some ageless world full of fun and games and pirates, the clock - oh that scary clock (much like the one that the alligator in Peter Pan swallows - I'm SO getting the deeper message of this book now) continues to tick, and no matter how hard I wish, I'm not getting any younger. So, if I'm really serious about settling down sometime soon, I guess I should start thinking about some making some changes in my life.... But don't worry! NOT YET! Fear not my faithful blog readers. At least for now, I will continue to amuse you with my silly stories of international singledom.

Luckily one of my 4 single friends is coming to visit me in London for the long Easter weekend. So, while my friends are all at home with their babies and husbands and boyfriends, well you know that we'll just be getting drunk!

Dear Santa 17 Dec 2010 1:16 PM (14 years ago)

Dear Santa,

I know it's been awhile since I've written to you. And I also apologize for not believing in you that much anymore. But this year I'm having a lot of trouble getting into the holiday spirit. Actually, I'm having trouble getting into any kind of spirit. All in all, I'm kind of down in the dumps big time. So, I thought that maybe writing to you would make me feel better. And I'm hoping that maybe you can help me to find a little bit of Christmas cheer and rediscover some of that Christmas magic that is so wonderful when you are a child.


The thing is Santa, that I'm kind of tired of spending Christmas alone. But at the same time, I'm getting more and more convinced that there are NO GOOD GUYS out there (besides you of course but unfortunately Mrs. Clause got there first)! But I'm not quite ready to give up hope yet. I'm hoping that you can work your special Christmas magic and help me find the perfect guy for this International Woman of Mystery. And if he doesn't exist in the world (I wouldn't be surprised), maybe the elves can whip something up? Build the perfect man just for me? 

So rather than a long list of things I want for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is a PERFECT man. I thought I would help you out by listing all the requirements below. I apologize for the fact that it is a little long. But I know that you are kinda awesome and magical and can make miracles happen... so I decided to just put it all out there.
The perfect man for this International Woman of Mystery...

• Is tall - at least 6 feet but preferably 6 foot 3 or taller
• Is handsome - not necessarily conventionally but he definitely needs to be attractive
• Is smart and intelligent and able to hold interesting conversations
• Is nice to me and treats me well 
• Is charming, charismatic and fun
• Fills up a room with his personality
• Is kind and has a big heart
• Loves books, music, animals and travel
• Wouldn't mind living abroad even if it was my job that was causing us to move
• Wouldn't be intimidated by a woman who is strong, independent and career-focused
• Is adventurous and finds ways to make even the most mundane things into an adventure
• Loves to laugh and tries to see the good in people and situations
• Is sometimes silly, isn't afraid to be a goofball, and isn't embarrassed by me when I have a case of the sillies
• Takes care of his body and exercises and eats healthy but who isn't afraid to indulge in a big plate of french fries with me
• Has a good sense of style  - i.e. doesn't consider khakis an acceptable clothing option
• Is motivated and ambitious and doesn't mind working hard but also values home life and manages to find a balance between career and family
• Has strong arms that he loves to put around me and hug me close to him
• Has a wonderful smile that lights up when I walk in the room
• Has nice lips that plant tender kisses on mine
• Likes children and want to be a father some day
• Gives me compliments and thinks that I'm beautiful even when I'm in one of my "extra 5 pounds" stages
• Gives me presents "just because"
• Loves his family and comes to love mine
• Encourages me to be a better person
• Loves me and looks at me in such a way that tells me and everyone else around how in love he is
• Doesn't need to be perfect - I know that no one is, but he should have a good sense of himself and should value self improvement
• Doesn't need to be tied up with a red bow and placed under the tree... I'll give you a bit more time on this one - just let me stumble upon him sometime over the next year 

I look forward to seeing how well you work your Christmas magic. I'm determined that this is going to be my LAST Christmas as a single gal. So, I'm going to live it up and put my faith in you Dear Santa to deliver this most perfect gift.



XOXO
-International Woman of Mystery