Thoughts 17 Jan 2020 9:15 AM (5 years ago)
Thoughts are just thoughts. We allow them to become reality.
We all go through ups and downs on a daily basis. Some days I find myself down and unhappy. Sometimes I will dwell on a thought such as finances and it can become overwhelming because it starts up the train of thought. A negative thought can lead to many more negative thoughts, that eventually leads to a spike in cordisol, which then puts us in a state of stress!
The key is to be able to become aware of the fact that it’s just a thought. I’m not saying we have to ignore it, we just have to crosscheck our thoughts with what our actual reality is. So I use a simple checklist and say, ok yes I need to pay certain bills, but it’s always like that. So I will end up paying those bills somehow, just like I have in the past. Then I remind myself of all my blessings (the necessities in life that we take for granted), I have a home, loved ones, any kind of food that I crave, a bed to sleep and even my eyesight. We lose sight and take for granted all the positives in our life because they are consistent.
By cross checking my negative thoughts with the positive thoughts I am able to come back to reality and realize how great life actually is. Then I sit down and start addressing the problem. In this case it’s finances, so, I make a plan to earn more, save more and figure out where I can cut costs. Then start implementing this plan and eventually my finances will be in a better status so it doesn’t become such an overwhelming negative thought.
We have the power to take control of our lives, but it starts with gaining power of our thoughts. This starts with awareness. So start questioning yourself when you are stuck in thought. Ask yourself questions like, how is this affecting my present moment? Is this the end of my world or is it just another one of life’s obstacles to overcome? Then tell yourself that you are going to make a plan to solve this problem, then make the best of the rest of your day.
I know it sounds easier said than done, but I promise you that with practice, self awareness, self questioning and repetition you can master your thoughts and drive the train instead of being a passenger!
By becoming the conductor as opposed to the passenger you can now drive positive trains of thought. And the beauty of this ability is the fact that just like a negative thought can increase cordisol and spike your stress levels, which in turn brings negative thoughts to reality. You can have positive thoughts, which in turn spike your dopamine and oxytocin levels (chemical and hormonal forms of happiness), resulting in you feeling happy!!!!
So don’t waste all day in your head. Analyze your issues, try to break them down and create a plan to better them. Then remind yourself of all your blessings and drive the train of happiness for a bit before coming back to the present moment in reality and enjoy!!!
A great tip I learned to help stay in the moment is to resort back to our senses. Eg, what we see, smell, hear and touch. Being aware of everything around you allows you to ground yourself and root yourself into the present.
Every day is a blessing, we are only guaranteed death in this life (and taxes,lol). So why not make the most of it?
Nothing but love, chat soon. Stay Beautyful!!!
Conversations 23 Jul 2016 11:14 AM (8 years ago)
We are social beings who love to love and be loved. Sharing our thoughts and emotions are a necessity. Bottling up our emotions, our ideas, our jokes, our concerns and especially our problems are a recipe for destruction. To be alone and continuously fight off the negativity we experience through life is extremely difficult. The simple process of conversation with someone during a time of need in your life can provide instant relief of some of the pain.
I know some situations are difficult for us to share. It may be embarrassing for us to share certain things, or it may be frightening to share certain details about a situation we’re in.
Its easy for us to conversate and share positive information about ourselves because it gives us a sense of pride and gratification. We become eager to conversate about our accomplishments, our victories and our milestones in life. We subconsciously feel that by sharing our positives to others they will have a more impressive image of us. We all seek acceptance and admiration from society. And there is nothing wrong with this. But we also need to be able to share our negatives because those deep and dark emotions need to be brought out in order to relieve some of the pain we bare by holding them in.
Whatever you’re going through in life please don’t try to fight it alone. Always try and think of someone you can talk to. Could be family, friends, Co workers, service providers or even a counselor. And for those of you who feel there is no one you would be comfortable sharing painful things with, 647 299 4574, just message me that you need to talk and I’m all ears!
I’ve been through alot of ups and downs in my life. And alot of the dark moments I bottled up inside. It eventually allowed anger to dominate my life. I started to speak to a counselor to try and sort through some issues in my life and figure out why I did the things I did. Why I had hatred and anger in my life. Why I had fear. What caused them. Why I did some of the stupid things I did. Just by talking to a complete stranger. Of course he was a professional and had alot of experience and insight that helped me. But the fact that he was a complete stranger didn’t stop me from opening up. Crying in front of him and finally opening the door to a closet full of hurt! It was so relieving to finally talk about things I stored up for years. I only saw him for 6 sessions but that was enough to release so much bottled up emotional pain.
Sometimes all we need is one conversation. One hug. One phone call asking if we are doing ok. So please just find the courage to talk to someone. Let’s not hold these painful emotions in and allow our selves to unknowingly manifest hate, anger, fear and sadness.
I try my best to be that key to help open our closets. And the best way I’ve been able to do that is to never pass judgement. Alot of people around me know that I’m far from perfect and therefore I never feel the right to judge. So two things I’m asking of you is to not be judgmental of others situations and also to be that friend for those around you that they can turn to for a conversation. Let’s make efforts to build trusting relationships with each other so emotional pain can be healed. So that those around us can embrace positive vibes. Reduce and even eliminate negative energy in our bodies to be able to live Beautyfuly.
Once again I’ll put myself out there and I’m here if anyone needs to talk. Many of you have supported me through various moments of my life and for that I am truly grateful. Thank you for being that person in my life. I wouldnt be where I am without the role that all of you have played in my life. I know it’s scary to trust and open our closets. Please be dilgant and start slow but please give it a try. Honestly from personal experience sometimes all we need to get the cycle of positivty rolling is a Conversation.
Love ya and my apologies for not blogging in quite a while. I’m still searching for ways to truly stay beautyful but every time I find another solution I will be on here writing it out to you so that we can all try to reach a continuous cycle of positivty.
Live Beautyfuly, love Beautyfuly and Stay Beautyful!
Rock Bottom 14 Mar 2016 11:53 PM (9 years ago)
Sometimes in life we experience some really bad moments. Whether it’s a death of a loved one, a break up, losing our job or being diagnosed with any form of illness. It feels like the world caved in on us and we are not able to think outside of the overwhelming emotional pain we feel at that moment. I’ve experienced my share of moments in my life where that pain took over. Where I sat and pondered on “why me” and how was I ever going to achieve a better state of mind or happier times.
Each time something sad or painful happened in my life I always struggled to deal with it, struggled to stay strong. But somehow I’m sitting here today and can look back on those times and say I’m in a better place. I’m sure I may have plenty more of those painful experiences coming my way but I want to share a theory that helped me through alot of my struggles.
“There is no such thing as rock bottom!” Someone always has it worse than us. We just become engulfed in the feeling of self pity and dont allow ourselves to think of anything positive at that moment. For myself I think back to a specific example of how things could always be worse to help me get through some tough times.
A man gets into a car accident and ends up paralyzed. Stuck in a wheel chair. He can’t support his family but his wife has a good job and is able to take care of their necessities. He and his wife go out to the park. He sits around sad and angry that he can’t walk with her. Then another man rolls up in his wheel chair and stops to relax at the park. He wishes he had a wife with him to love and go to the park with because he doesn’t have any family and he’s stuck in a wheel chair. Then another man comes by in a wheelchair with a guide dog to help him get around because he has no family and is blind to top it off! The last guy envies the second guy because he has the ability to see the world. And the second guy envies the first guy because he has a wife and family. And the first guy envies anyone who is not confined to a wheel chair because they have the ability to walk everywhere.
I can keep going with the story but basically trying to say it can always be worse. I lost my mom early but I still had 12 years with her where as some have had none. I still have my dad where as some people have lost both parents. I still have family and friends and some have been struck with such bad luck that they end up alone. So instead of focusing on what Ive lost I now try to think about all the blessings I’ve gained and have been blessed enough to retain.
It’s never easy when you are in a moment of sadness and pain to think about the good. But fully embrace the pain. Cry it out or punch the furniture or scream your head off then start grieving. And during your grieving period of those sad moments in your life you just need to remind yourself that it can always be worse. Remind yourself of all the postive things you are lucky to have in your life. Cherish those things. Cherish those people. Cherish those pets. Cherish your health and whatever wealth you possess. Because no matter how bad it gets. There can always be worse. When you reach a point that you think you have hit rock bottom please remind yourself that rock bottom truly doesn’t exist because relative to someone else’s thought of rock bottom you may be in a way better place.
To those of you going through struggles please be courageous and please believe me when I say “better must come”. Hang in there and never give up! Talking to others helps. And most of you know I’m pretty good at listening after all these years of being a barber and hearing your life experiences. So holler at your boy if you feel alone and need someone to talk to!
#staybeautyful
Living in the now 7 Mar 2016 10:06 PM (9 years ago)
As a barber I noticed a pattern through my years of interactions. Guys would come in and usually get a haircut because they had an event coming up. I start their haircut and spark a conversation and it would be all about what they were getting ready for. A party on the weekend or a vacation. The majority of the cut would be about what they were going to do. Then they come back after that event to get their haircut and the discussion would be about how that event went.
We all have the tendency to look forward to something. Sometimes we lose track of what we are doing now and focus on something exciting we are going to do. Then when that exciting event is over we look back and recollect all our thoughts on how the event was. But what about enjoying every minute of the time leading up to the event? We usually don’t put much effort on it.
That’s why I try to engage with people and ask how they are doing in life at that moment. I try to read the body language of people to see how they are feeling when they are in my chair. Basically creating conversation that keeps them engaged in the now.
We take the present for granted because it is constant, we can only exist in the present. But yesterday is gone and tomorrow is never guaranteed so we have to shift our focus to today and live each moment fully. When you wake up and the sun is shining take a moment to enjoy it. When u take that first sip of coffee in the morning, fully feel it. When you play your favourite songs in the morning just do a little dance. By cherishing the little things we enjoy all day we can achieve happiness that much easier!
When I’m down and out sometimes I have to check myself. I focus on the present moment. Ask myself what’s my biggest problem. Then weigh that against all the problems I don’t worry about (food, shelter, warmth, companionship etc.) Basically all the necessities that I can easily take for granted. When compared to that, my problem at that moment is not that big after all so I can go back to focusing on the simple things and have a sense of happiness again.
I know sometimes we encounter problems that are not so easy to fix, but by living in the now it can help us stay grounded, help us make smarter decisions, help us have a higher level of happiness and help us stay beautyful!
If you have a new venture you want to start. Do it today! If you have something bringing you down, talk to someone about it today! I beleive we are all built to be great but society throws us curve balls and distraction along our path to divert us from greatness. But stay focused, stay motivated, stay beautyful and let’s get out there and achieve our goals and dreams!
Always be prepared for tomorrow but live for today!
#staybeautyful
Love Yourself / Acceptance 29 Feb 2016 3:56 PM (9 years ago)
We constantly strive to gain acceptance in this world. Starting from our parents and siblings to our peers and partners.
Society tells us that material things help us gain acceptance (bigger salary, fancy car, name brands etc). Our parents sometimes make it clear that our accomplishments gain us acceptance (good grades, helping around the household, winning trophies etc). Our partners sometimes give us the feeling that we need to please them to gain acceptance (abide by their rules, gifts, be selfless even when they are not.) Our peers can pressure us into doing things that we may not like and we take part just to gain that sense of social acceptance.
These are just a few of the different ways we strive for acceptance.
The secret to taking control of this emotion is to learn to accept yourself. The first step is to love yourself. Be true to who you are and if you don’t like something about yourself then get up and change it, but make changes that make you happy.
I lost myself at times in my last long term relationship. I was so busy trying not to upset my partner in hopes that the relationship would be filled with happiness, so I would agree to whatever she wanted to eat, watch, do etc. But eventually I stopped having an opinion, stopped expressing my emotions because I was too concerned with hers. I avoided confrontation at all costs but didn’t really realize what I was doing. By losing myself I took away my identity and left my partner with no one to accept, no one to respect, no one to love. Which I only later realized that it was my own fault, not hers, that I lost her full acceptance.
I constantly remind myself never to lose myself trying to gain acceptance. Once I realized my own worth and reassured myself that I was worth acceptance, my life changed. How can someone love me if I didn’t love myself? If I don’t have my own opinions, my own beliefs, my own preferences then I have no identity. Without an identity we cannot gain love or acceptance.
So please make decisions with your own happiness in mind as well as those around you. Please remember that we are all worth love. I accept each and everyone of you for who u are but I hope this reminds you to do the same. Just be real, do good, live love and Stay Beautyful. These simple concepts can gain you some of the most fulfilling forms of acceptance on this earth!
#love yourself
#staybeautyful
Anta 19 Feb 2016 1:19 PM (9 years ago)
I wanted to write this blog in addition to my mission statement. Anta is the name I called my aunt. It’s a combination of aunt and momma. She was my mom’s older sister. She also suffered from cancer and passed away last April.
I learned alot from her about love. I spent time with her alone and had discussions about life to gain as much knowledge as I could. I had alot of regrets from my mother’s death because I was too young to understand the situation. So with Anta I made sure to do things differently.
She was just like my mom and affected so many people just by showing love. She always made sure that everyone around was fed and happy. But she showed me a different view on love. She opened my eyes to its greatness. She told me stories of moments where people deeply hurt her but at the end of her days she forgave them and actually prayed for their lives to be filled with happiness. To me that was a revelation because growing up in this society we view the world as cutthroat, revengeful and basically “an eye for an eye”. To conversate with her and realize that a human being was capable of such love was truly inspiring.
I strive to take the lessons she taught me and add it to my repertoire of living good, but I am a believer of balance. I will try to forgive and have patience but again in this society that is a sign of weakness. So to me part of staying beautyful is to spread love but also to love yourself enough to defend yourself against harsh negativity. A huge part of living a positive life is to reduce the intake of negativity either through change or elimination.
I had the honour of speaking on behalf of Anta at her funeral and sharing her words of wisdom affected everyone in the room. Changed the whole atmosphere and was the first funeral I’ve ever seen that people shifted from being somber to feeling love and sharing love with each other. Being a witness to how much she affected people and how her life will always be present in the hearts of those she left behind inspired and motivated me. If a eulogy at a funeral was able to affect people that much then she obviously had the right formula to living love! So thank you Anta for all that you have taught me. And thank you for inspiring me to share this with the world. I love you. May your days in heaven be filled with the same joy that you left behind with us.
#staybeautyful
Mission Statement 19 Feb 2016 11:15 AM (9 years ago)
Everyone of us reach a point in
life where we start questioning our purpose. Why am I here?
We go along life’s road according to what we are taught. Go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house and have kids. But somewhere along that road we can’t help but question our lives. Is this it? Go to work and pay bills? I finally found an answer for myself about a year ago. I came up with a mission statement. This will be my foundation to stand on and gives me guidance as to where I am headed.
My hope is to share this with you and possibly inspire you to think of your mission statement in order to help fulfill the curiosity inside of all of us. Which ultimately gives your life a purpose and a direction to help complete us…..
At the age of 12 I lost my mother who battled cancer for 5 years. She died at the age of 47 and left behind a husband and 2 kids. In that darkness I now can see the light. She left behind something else other than physical beings. She made an impact on so many people’s lives and her funeral showed physical proof of the love she was able to spread.
There was no sitting room or standing room left in the funeral parlour. I still remember a single file line of people paying their respects and had to continue right back out of the funeral home. The room couldn’t hold the number of people that she impacted. That truly shows me her greatness. She was able to affect so many people across 2 countries (from Sri Lanka to Canada).
I reflected on her life, her spirit and her love. It has inspired me and I have decided that if she accomplished such a wonderful life by living with love then I am going to take that and multiply it. With the help of social media as well as day to day interactions I should be able to reach greater heights and affect more people then she ever did.
Therefore my mission statement is as follows: “I want to positively affect as many people as possible in my life that even the Air Canada Centre would not be able to host my funeral.“
I hope to spread good vibes, smiles, laughter and love. I never want to be Jesus or Ghandi because this society would stomp all over me. But i do want to be real, be honest, be true and leave everyone’s soul feeling full!
#staybeautyful
Love the life you live! 16 Feb 2016 4:24 PM (9 years ago)
Loving yourself is the major component to Staying Beautyful. It is the spark that ignites the whole motor. And part of loving yourself is to love your life.
This song that Evan is singing (love my life – by Demarco) is all about appreciating what we have and to enjoy every minute of it before time runs out on us. And also to celebrate our life. I used to love this song but never happily sang along to it because life was tough and at some points very dark, which made me feel that I couldn’t truthfully sing it and feel it.
The problem I had was that I felt stuck and thought maybe this was just how my life was supposed to be. But after digging down deep with my son as my motivation I decided to make my life something worth loving. Small changes at a time. Music helped me so much. Constantly listening to songs that shared good vibes and beats that gave me energy. Which motivated me to get in better shape by exercising. Which lead to eating better. Etc.
Basically one big dominoe effect. Driven by the fact that I was unhappy with my life and once I reminded myself that I was worth loving I decided to love myself, which I am blessed to say has given me a better life and a life I love. And I will continue to better it by learning more, loving more and eliminating as much negative energy as possible!!!!
If you love your life then I’m so happy for you. If not then start today by thinking about what changes you can make. I’m reminding you that we are all worth love. We are all important human beings. But until you see it for yourself, nothing will happen. Love yourself so that others can see your value and give yourself the ability to fully intake love from others. Love yourself so that you can truly love others! All eventually leading to a huge society that can love their lives and love life itself!
#staybeautyful
The Barber Chair 13 Feb 2016 12:58 AM (9 years ago)
Over a decade of interactions with clients have allowed me to grow in so many ways. Alot of the knowledge I have gained is simply by hearing the life stories of others. The barber chair has established it’s place as a therapeutic safe haven for my clients to be 100% real and let go of their life problems. I have listened to and shared so many of life’s ups and downs while cutting hair.
I have heard personal stories from murder to erectile dysfunction. Weddings to divorces. Good times and bad. I have watched teenagers become husbands and fathers. School kids become entrepreneurs. All of these lives have grown with me and their stories unfold in the barber chair.
There is truly something mystical about it and I am blessed to have experienced such a knowledgeable growth. I write this blog to give a slight insight as to where alot of my material will be coming from because by sharing my emotions and listening to others emotions while using the barber chair I have been able to put some pieces, from the puzzle of life, together. And knowledge is meant to be shared, thus the reason for these blogs.
Every quote, every paragraph is just an effort to try and share what I’ve learned in hopes that it may help you in the way it has helped me.
#staybeautyful
Light at the end of the tunnel! 12 Feb 2016 12:45 AM (9 years ago)
This is for those of us who are stuck in situations that are not healthy. We commit to things in life and sometimes it’s scary or embarrassing to admit that we made the wrong choice. All we Can do is really give our 100% to that situation and if doesn’t work then admit defeat in order to gain victory.
Dig deep for the courage to know that just because you fail once doesn’t mean you won’t succeed the next time around. We are human and no human is perfect. Love yourself enough to know that each one of us deserves true happiness.
#staybeautyful