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Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d… 30 Jul 2012 | 04:30 am

Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d like to read a medication bottle that says, “May cause extreme sexiness.”

I just met you and this is crazy…but here’s my squeak toy…Throw it, Maybe?

Askhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

If it requires pants and/or a bra, it’s not happening today.

When I was a little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well, played Dad, well played.

Dear Family, Thanks for putting empty boxes back in the cabinet. There’s nothing like having disappointment for breakfast.

Grab a straw because you suck.

I’m sexy and I know it…Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle Yeah!

I just met ye and this be crazy…but hyarr’s my number so call me, matey.

Never in all my years have I seen anyone this excited to take a shit.