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Some Twitter rules about how to handle my inevitable murder or accidental death 15 Mar 2013 | 10:09 pm
I am going to die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow and hopefully not soon, but it will last for the rest of my life. Or death. Whatever. I would like to establish some rules for how to conduct you...
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer is both the best Christmas song and worst Christmas song ever written. 21 Dec 2012 | 02:23 am
Christmas music is like alcohol — it’s wonderful, but only in moderation and only the top-shelf liquors and best beers are acceptable. As best as I can tell, research indicates the last great Christma...
My vision for A League Of Their Own Part 2 — The League Of Extraordinary Gentlewomen in 3D 12 Dec 2012 | 12:24 am
I love “A League of Their Own.” To me, it’s the best sports movie ever made. But it stars “girls” so god forbid any man admit a sports movie full of ladies be considered the best. But it’s got it all ...
A brief rant on the state of cell phones and these new features that make me feel violent feelings 20 Sep 2012 | 12:28 am
Hi. Can we talk about cell phones for a bit? I like my phone. It’s super. I can do all kinds of stuff on there. It’s like a computer that makes phone calls. I’m not sure how a major phone company has ...
On getting old, swimming, news and waffles 22 Aug 2012 | 12:42 am
When I tell you this story about a 62-year-old woman failing to swim from Cuba to Florida for a fourth straight time is the dumbest ongoing story in the world, I must admit it’s without knowing every ...
I’ve grown tired of thinking for myself so I’m going to let others do it for me — the beauty of bigotry, racism and other things that make this headli... 18 Aug 2012 | 05:22 am
So I’ve been thinking about becoming a bigot. I haven’t settled on the group I will hate for no reason, though. But I can no longer ignore the benefits that come with hating a specific group of people...
What happens after the ending of The Dark Knight Rises? Glad you asked. 22 Jul 2012 | 11:16 pm
If you’re like me, you weren’t all that in love with the ending to The Dark Knight Rises. I’m not saying it was uncharacteristically cheesy and upbeat for a trilogy steeped in darkness, but I was half...
I never met Jessica Redfield, but I’m going to miss her 21 Jul 2012 | 01:30 am
I never met Jessica Redfield — never had a beer with her, never spoke to her using the power of my vocal cords, never shook her hand, never hugged her. Hell, I didn’t even know her real name was Jessi...
International Delights’ compelling case for avoiding coffeehouses should be a wake-up call 28 Jun 2012 | 10:54 am
Before reading this, please watch the above commercial for International Delights iced coffee, an ad that may seem like the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen, but is actually a harsh reminder of my pas...
Am I too old to care about the Giants winning a Super Bowl? 4 Feb 2012 | 10:40 am
My love for the New York Giants flies in the face of everything about myself. You may find this hard to believe, but I’m actually a highly intelligent person. I’m positive that a five-minute conversa...
